petrichor
by rawrchelle
Summary: Sasuke. Shikamaru. Naruto. Neji. [With your various canon pairings, etc.] Life doesn't always go the way you want it to, but then again, sometimes it does. High school isn't all about romance, people choose different paths to walk, and the guy doesn't always get the girl. Honestly, Shikamaru thinks, it would be boring if everything were predictable.
1. another beginning

**another beginning (april)**

—

Shikamaru heaves a heavy sigh.

The spring breeze is just enough to make his tie flop around, occasionally smacking him in the face. He and Neji are walking in an amicable silence—Neji's school uniform buttoned and straightened impeccably, unlike Shikamaru's sloppy demeanor. It's a beautiful morning, Shikamaru has to admit—but that doesn't mean he'd rather spend it asleep in bed.

It's peaceful until they meet Naruto a few blocks away from school. The blonde is jumping and shouting, acting as though it's been more than a week since they last saw each other. Luckily, Shikamaru and Neji don't have to entertain him for long, because Sasuke joins them not long afterwards. (It's common knowledge that if given the choice, Naruto would much rather pester Sasuke than Shikamaru or Neji, because Sasuke actually gives some sort of amusing reaction.)

The opening ceremony is just as Shikamaru remembers it: extraordinarily dull. He yawns as their principal rattles on about students, teachers, goals, and other inspirational things, and wonders when class will start so he can sleep.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and jolts him out of his half-conscious state. Shikamaru reads his new text message from Naruto, who is sitting right beside him.

_Guess what? I've messaged everyone on Facebook to vote for Sasuke as the class president as a prank. I bet he's going to hate me._

Despite himself, a grin twitches at Shikamaru's lips. _If he's in the same class as Neji, I think Neji will hate you even more._ Being class president has been Neji's entire life since they were old enough to even have class presidents. He's been class president every single year.

_Nah, he needs to take a break and get off his high horse for a while. It'll be good for him!_

Shikamaru doesn't think Neji will see it that way, but he doesn't particularly care, so he just laughs quietly and pockets his phone again.

The ceremony lasts for fifteen minutes longer before all the students finally disperse to their respective homeroom classes. Shikamaru caught a glance at it earlier; he and Sasuke are in the same class. Neji is stuck with Naruto, poor guy.

"Good thing I'm not in the same class as Naruto this year," Shikamaru comments.

Sasuke shoots him a look. "You haven't been in the same class as Naruto for three years," he replies blandly. "Meanwhile, this is the first time I've been _without_ him since high school started."

"I understand," Shikamaru says, feigning sympathy and patting Sasuke on the back. "You've been traveling down a long and hard road."

Sasuke glowers.

Having already been in high school for two years—this year being their third and final one—they already know how this works. They navigate the hallways easily, passing by the new students without much thought, find their classroom, and take their regular seats in the back corner before anyone else can claim them. One by one, other students enter the room as well, some faces familiar, and some not so familiar. Shikamaru waves to Kiba, who's with Ino and Sakura. Shikamaru's eyes follow them for several long moments, before he wills himself to look away.

"Who do you think is going to be class president this year?" Shikamaru asks Sasuke, just to get his mind off unwanted things.

Sasuke shrugs. "Does it matter?"

"I don't know. Maybe." His train of thought is cut off when the door slams shut and the class falls quiet. All heads turn towards the man walking up to the front of the class.

Dammit.

"I'm your homeroom teacher this year," Morino Ibiki booms as he writes his name on the chalkboard. "Do any of you punks got a problem with that?" No one even dares to breathe. "Good."

Ibiki starts off by checking the attendance, before he begins to appoint roles to various students in the class. Shikamaru rests his chin in his hand, anticipating the show. Naruto is going to be upset that he missed this—but then again, Naruto might have to spend the next two months avoiding Sasuke if he doesn't want to die.

"So? Does anyone want to be class president?"

Silence lingers over the classroom until Kiba raises his hand. "I nominate Sasuke."

Shikamaru senses Sasuke tense in the desk beside him.

"Sasuke for class president, yes or no?" Ibiki drawls.

The number of hands that go up could start a revolution.

Shikamaru glances at Sasuke. He's very, very pale.

"Alright. Sasuke, you're up." Ibiki steps off to the side, and Sasuke stands from his chair, stiffly, and walks to the front of the room.

"Next is the appointment of vice president," he says, sounding impressively collected for someone who just landed a job with huge responsibility but no salary for the next year. His ears are a deep red. He's _pissed_.

(Shikamaru dreads what's in store for Naruto.)

The rest of homeroom goes smoothly (Sakura for vice president, Shino for treasurer, and then Shikamaru dozes off after that), and when they're dismissed for lunch, Sasuke stalks right up the aisle to Shikamaru and grabs his tie. Shikamaru chokes as he's yanked towards Sasuke, nose to nose.

"You knew," Sasuke hisses. "You _knew_."

Shikamaru gulps. "Well, yeah. I had no hand in it, though."

"…It was Naruto."

"…Yeah."

Sasuke lets go of his tie, and Shikamaru flops back into his seat, sighing in relief at having narrowly escaped a slow and painful death.

"The moron isn't even in my class this year and he _still_ finds ways to torture me."

"I think that's a special talent of his," Shikamaru supplies.

As if on cue, the door bursts open and Naruto leaps into the room, Neji following behind. The fact that Neji is much better composed than Sasuke means that he _did_ make class president, and he's actually glad about it.

"Yo, Sasuke—"

"I'm going to rip you to shreds."

"Whoa, whoa, is that how a class president should act?"

Shikamaru and Neji meet each other's eyes, sharing a mutual understanding. Even if the rest of life turns on them, at least they're not Naruto.

—

They have lunch in the bleachers, as they always do, and always have since their first year of high school. Sasuke is throwing a tantrum and refusing to talk to Naruto, so in between bites of his sandwich, he plays Temple Run on his phone. Neji and Naruto are discussing the merits of putting butter and jam on toast versus just jam, and Shikamaru sips on his juice box, trying his best not to fall asleep.

Maybe he'd have more motivation to live if life was actually interesting.

"Toast with just jam is bland," Neji reasons. "The butter gives it richness that the toast and jam alone cannot replicate. The butter is really what makes a good piece of toast, a good piece of toast."

"Are you kidding me?" Naruto shrieks. "Butter makes it _disgusting_! That's like mixing juice and milk together; it's wrong!"

"Naruto, that is an invalid argument because you can buy fruit flavored milk."

While Shikamaru is glad that his friends have such strong feelings for how one should enjoy a piece of toast, he can't help but think that there should be more than this—there _must_ be more than this.

He's about to abandon deep thinking in favor of taking a nap when Neji and Naruto's conversation is interrupted by Hinata, cautiously tapping Neji on the shoulder.

"Do you have my calculator?" she asks her cousin, the worry clear in her eyes. "I couldn't find it anywhere at home this morning and it's not in my bag…"

Neji digs around in his own backpack before he pulls out a graphing calculator. (They're for the Calculus students—Shikamaru would like to call them freaks, except he's taking Calculus too. But he doesn't need a calculator. Who's the freak now?) When Neji turns it over, it's his name that's written on the back in a thick black marker. "I don't have yours," he says to Hinata. "Did you misplace it?"

"I must have! What if I can't find it?"

"Can't you just buy a new one?" Naruto butts in, loudly.

Shikamaru rolls his eyes. "Do you even know how much those calculators cost?"

"Yeah, but," the blonde protests, "aren't you guys rich or something?"

"We don't get access to our inheritance until we're of age," Hinata explains, cheeks beet red, but much more patiently than if Neji were the one doing it. "Until then, we're the same as you. And I don't have a job, so…"

Finally looking up from his phone, Sasuke says, "Maybe you lost it here at school at the end of last year. Do you want us to help you look?" In truth, no one wants to help Hinata search for her calculator, but Sasuke is a genuinely nice guy who can be really scary if he wants to be, so no one speaks up against him.

Hinata smiles at Sasuke, only the faintest blush in her cheeks now (she blushes whenever she looks directly at a boy who isn't Neji, but she's a pathetic mess whenever Naruto is even in the same room as her). "That would be really great, thanks."

"Cool. We'll come over to your classroom after school." Sasuke returns to Temple Run. Naruto gives him a stank face.

"Girls think you're so perfect," he grouses once Hinata has left, poking at his cup ramen with his fork. "If only they knew how much of a bastard you really are."

"No," Sasuke replies airily, "I'm only a bastard to those who think it's funny to make me class president. Which, let me remind you, is a prank with consequences that last for _the entire school year_."

"One school year isn't even that long!"

"I'll deprive you of ramen for one school year and then we'll see if you think it's not that long…!"

It's Neji that keeps Sasuke from strangling Naruto.

Shikamaru yawns.

—

After school, they make their way to the Hinata's classroom. Other students are making plans as they walk down the hallway, taking advantage of the fact that it's only the first day of school and the workload isn't too big yet.

"Remind me why we're doing this again?" Shikamaru asks lazily.

"Because Hinata is our friend, and we are good friends," Sasuke replies.

"Are we?"

Sasuke glances at him. "Well, I suppose you're kind of a dick."

Hinata is already waiting for them when they arrive. She appears to be struggling to remain conscious while Naruto mindlessly babbles at her, and Neji is playing around on his phone. Almost everyone else has already left.

"Sasuke, Shikamaru!" Hinata escapes Naruto and walks up to them. "Thanks so much for doing this."

"No problem," Sasuke says, shrugging. "What else are friends for? It's not like we have anything else to do anyways."

"Don't you have student council business to attend to?" Naruto snickers. Sasuke glares at him.

"I've already asked Kakashi-sensei if he's seen my calculator, but he said no." Hinata bites her bottom lip worriedly.

"He's your homeroom teacher? _Man_, you're lucky; we have Ibiki."

"Ibiki-sensei is…nice too." Her attempts to comfort Shikamaru are more or less futile.

"Let's go ask the other teachers," Sasuke suggests. "Anko taught you Math last year, right?" Upon Hinata's affirmation, they all begin to move out like a herd; Sasuke and Hinata leading the way, and the others following like baby ducklings.

Again, Shikamaru wonders why all of them have to help with searching for Hinata's calculator.

They spend the next half an hour asking all of the teachers whether or not a calculator has been left behind last year, but all answers come back negative. Hinata looks very discouraged and anxious by the end of it, so Sasuke takes pity on her and buys her a juice box when they go to the convenience store down the street.

"What am I supposed to do? I have Calculus first thing tomorrow…Neji, can you share yours?"

"I'm in the same class as you," Neji says stiffly. "I don't think Anko-sensei will be impressed with us if we keep on passing it back and forth."

"Neji, you ass," Naruto exclaims. "You just don't want her touching your stuff!"

Neji neither agrees nor disagrees with that statement.

By now, Hinata is looking very pale—the palest Shikamaru can ever remember seeing her, which is quite impressive, because she's already very pale in the presence of four boys. "I don't have enough money to buy a new one," she murmurs to herself. "And I'll get scolded if I tell Father…"

Shikamaru, Sasuke, Naruto, and Neji stand awkwardly, as boys tend to do when a girl is distressed. Finally, Sasuke pulls out his wallet and starts counting his cash. Hinata squeaks.

"I can't cover all of it," he says, "but hopefully it'll help." He stares at Naruto.

Naruto valiantly tries to win the staring contest, but he isn't quite as skilled in the art of not blinking as Sasuke is. Giving in, he pulls his wallet out as well. Neji follows suit, acknowledging that he probably has no way out of this one (and it's probably for the better anyway, if he doesn't want Hinata messing with his own calculator).

Briefly, Shikamaru wonders if they'll notice if he just turns around and walks out of the convenience store right now.

Hinata violently shakes her head and backs away. "I can't ask you guys to do that!"

"Why not?" Sasuke pushes his money into her hands. "You'd do the same for us."

"But it's just…" She looks at Neji and Naruto, who more or less look agreeable enough as they hand over various numbers of bills (Naruto significantly less than Neji).

Sasuke roughly elbows Shikamaru in the ribs. Shikamaru grunts. "Are you really going to be a dick?"

It's not that Shikamaru doesn't like Hinata. Out of all of the girls that he's known since middle school, she might be the most agreeable and amicable. Being with Hinata is easy because she doesn't ask annoying questions, and she just quietly does homework whenever Shikamaru falls asleep. Even Sakura, who Shikamaru generally thinks is pretty cool, is a little chatty, solely because she's a social butterfly and is good at making conversation. He doesn't like anything that requires effort, and reciprocating in a conversation definitely requires effort.

(He doesn't even want to talk about Ino.)

But just because Shikamaru likes Hinata doesn't mean that he has to contribute to the Hinata's New Calculator Fund, does it?

Sasuke stares at him. Shikamaru doesn't even try, and turns to walk away instead.

"I don't even know why we still keep you around," Sasuke mutters, grabbing Shikamaru's arm in a death grip with one hand, his other hand—

"It's not my fault I like to keep my savings—are you feeling up my _ass_, Uchiha?"

"No!" Sasuke hisses, succeeding in plucking Shikamaru's wallet from his back pocket. "God, you disgust me." He flips open the wallet, and scowls. "You don't even have any cash on you."

"I know," Shikamaru drawls. "I would have donated to the cause otherwise."

Tossing the wallet back to him, Sasuke gives him a look. "No, you wouldn't have."

Nah, he wouldn't have.

Meanwhile, Hinata counts all the money Sasuke, Neji, and Naruto gave her, along with her own money. "I think I have enough now? Thanks so much, you guys; I'll definitely pay you all back."

"Whatever, Hinata-chan." Naruto grins. "Just treat me to ramen and we're good!"

She smiles, shyly. "Okay."

It's nearing dinnertime by the time they leave the convenience store with a few snacks in hand. Under the pretense of needing to be home before they get yelled at by their parents, Sasuke and Shikamaru leave first.

"Do you really have to be home, or did you just want an excuse to leave?" Sasuke asks flatly.

"I actually have to be home. I thought you would've known by now how troublesome my mom is. She chews my ear off if I miss dinner."

Sasuke shrugs. "I think your mom's a nice person."

"Oh, and you're suddenly a saint, huh?"

"Not towards dicks like you, obviously."

Once they reach an intersection in the road, they go their separate ways. Shikamaru sighs, finally glad to get some peace and quiet. Sometimes, it feels like all everyone does around him is scream and shout. It doesn't happen often, but today is one of those days—maybe because it's the first day of school and he doesn't quite want to accept that the break is over yet.

He's known Sasuke and the others since middle school. They've been friends for several years and they understand, most of the time, that Shikamaru gets like this once in a while. Maybe it's depression. He doesn't know. He hopes Hinata doesn't take too much offense.

"I'm home," he calls out once he walks through the front door. The smell of dinner is wafting through the house, but he isn't hungry.

His father is reading on the couch as usual, and his mother is bustling around the kitchen as usual. "About time," she says. "You're not going to start off the year with being a delinquent, are you?"

"Actually, Hinata lost her calculator and we were helping her find it," he says as he makes his way upstairs to his room. Of course, his mother doesn't answer him—she never does, and Shikamaru's already accepted it as a type of response now. Silence is a good thing. It means she doesn't have to scold him.

Shikamaru flops onto his bed and stares at the ceiling, until his eyes slowly flutter shut.

It's going to be a long year.

* * *

**A/N:** I have recently fallen in love with this ~slice of life~ genre, so I'm going to try it out. This is lighter than my usual works (or so I say, until later chapters come and they are heavier than death), and I tried to focus more on the friendship between Shikamaru, Sasuke, Naruto, and Neji, than the romances that some of the boys have, although I am still not very good at writing friendship, clearly. Too many people to deal with.

There are twelve chapters in total and I have written eight so far, and my plan is to post one chapter a week, which should cover until the end of August. A (supposedly) happy story for you guys during the summer, so if this flimsy sort of thing tickles your fancy, please let me know your thoughts!


	2. we all have a story

**we all have a story (may)**

—

Sasuke works quietly until he can't stand the pair of eyes stuck on him for any longer. "What?"

"Nothing." Sakura returns to her stack of papers and continues to read over them, stamping it after she's finished and approved of each sheet.

"Then why are you staring at me?"

"I was just thinking. It happens to people sometimes." She smiles impishly, and Sasuke rolls his eyes, not bothering to hide the smirk tugging at his lips.

"It happens to you less than others, doesn't it?"

"Opposite of that, actually, if you remember who scored the top of our year last year."

Damn. She's right. Sakura had the highest grades last year—and actually, the year before that too. Neji has always been the top student until Sakura came along and beat him effortlessly, blowing everyone away. Sasuke shuts up, unable to come up with an appropriate comeback when she's practically the brainiest person he knows.

They're in the student council room, doing their regular class president and vice president duties like they do every Thursday after school. Sakura is nice and makes good conversation, so Sasuke likes her.

"I was just thinking," she says again, bringing the subject back up, "how you and the other guys met, I guess. I mean, you're all so different—it's like Naruto lives on a different planet, Shikamaru has no will to do anything, Neji has extreme OCD, and you just hate them all. I never really thought that you guys would be inseparable, you know?"

Within their circle of friends, Sasuke, Naruto, Shikamaru, and Neji, are the closest. Some combination of them are always together and they talk to each other constantly, even if they end up arguing half the time. Sasuke met Naruto in elementary school, but they somehow let Shikamaru and Neji in during middle school, and as the years passed, their little clique grew and grew, but none of them are as close as the initial four.

Sakura is the most recent member. She transferred here two years ago, during their first year of high school. Even though she's Japanese, she was born and raised in America; even now, she has a slight accent and sometimes finds it difficult to express herself. Sasuke knows it frustrates her—as a result, she pours over her studies to make up for her language struggles.

Sasuke shrugs. "I do hate them sometimes." He thinks about how he even got to be here in the student council room and scowls. "Actually, more than sometimes."

"Then why do you still talk to them?"

"Why do you still talk to Ino?" Sakura and Ino occasionally bicker like there's no tomorrow, but everyone knows they're much closer than they actually let on.

She laughs. "Yeah, I guess so." A pause. "Don't get me wrong; I'm glad you're class president and all, you're responsible and sometimes cool, but isn't the only reason why you _are_ class president because Naruto played a stupid prank on you?"

Just thinking about it makes Sasuke's blood boil, and he stamps a form with unnecessary force. "I don't want to talk about it." He glares at her. "And I'm always cool."

—

"_Hey, the teacher told us to pair up. Everyone already has a partner, so do you want to be mine?" Sasuke turned to look at a boy with shocking blonde hair, and the first thing he wanted to say is _no_._

"_Sure," he said instead, because he'd get in trouble if he worked alone._

"_I'm Naruto, by the way," the boy said. "Who are you?"_

"_There are only thirty people in our class; how can you not know who I am? Do you never pay attention during attendance?"_

"_I always sleep through it," Naruto said with a grin. "So? Who are you?"_

"_Sasuke."_

"_Sasuke? Cool." Naruto slid into the seat beside him like he belonged there. "So, Sasuke…what are we supposed to do?"_

_Figuring that this guy was probably as thick as he looked, Sasuke just sighed and explained the assignment to him. After the partner work was done, he didn't think he wanted to talk to Naruto ever again. He just gave off vibes that Sasuke didn't like._

_Which, of course, apparently meant nothing, because a week later, Naruto was still talking to him like they were best friends._

"_Hey, where are you going?"_

"_Home."_

"_Home? That's boring. Come to the park with me."_

"_I have to be home for dinner."_

_The sound of footsteps stopped behind him, and, surprised that Naruto gave up so quickly today, Sasuke turned around. "Dinner is ages away," Naruto said, suddenly losing the sparkling exuberance that he always had._

"_I—sorry," Sasuke stammered. "My brother promised he'd help me with my homework, and he's always busy after dinner. So I have to be home when he has time."_

_Was this Naruto the same Naruto that had been at his tail for the past week? Where did his big mouth go? What about his lack of tact? Or his inability to notice anyone giving him looks of scorn every time he shouted after Sasuke in the hallways or down the street?_

"_I don't have a brother," Naruto said, kicking a pebble._

"_Okay."_

"_I don't have parents, either."_

_Sasuke was quiet for a very long moment—there was only so much an eleven-year-old boy could fathom—before the frown melted off his face. He felt a flash of pity, before thinking that Naruto probably didn't want to be pitied if he hadn't said anything up until now. Sasuke was sure no one else knew._

_So he hid all of the sympathy that suddenly welled up in the pit of his stomach. "Okay." Then he smiled, awkwardly. "I really can't go to the park today, but do you want to have dinner at my place tonight?"_

_And just like that, all traces of melancholy were gone from Naruto's eyes. It made Sasuke wonder if it was ever there at all. "Can I really?"_

"_Sure. I don't think my parents will care."_

_And so they walked side by side down the road to Sasuke's house. Sasuke had questions about where Naruto lived and why he had no family, but it didn't feel right to ask something so personal. And maybe Naruto would tell him one day, when he was ready. He'd already let Sasuke in a little._

_Sasuke wasn't sure why he assumed Naruto was as shallow as he acted. Nobody wore their hearts on their sleeves. Everyone had a story._

_And maybe, he thought, as Naruto raced through his house and marveled at everything in sight, he'd be part of that story from now on. And maybe it wouldn't be that bad._

—

_It wasn't even lunch yet, and Sasuke was already at the end of his wits._

_The quiet but still painfully obvious snores behind him had continued nonstop for the past half hour—and that was only just today. It was not even one week into the new year and Sasuke was this close to snapping someone's neck._

_Behind him sat Nara Shikamaru, and Sasuke hadn't thought twice about him when their seating plan was first arranged—but it became more and more of an issue when all Nara did in class was _sleep_. And it wouldn't be an issue at all, except for his very faint snores; not loud enough for the teacher to catch him right away, but definitely loud enough for the person sitting in front of him to notice._

_Sasuke was trying to be diligent—he was trying to be a good student and live up to his brother's and family's expectations, but he couldn't do it when this jerk was just sleeping his life away—_

"_Oi," he finally hissed, turning around in his seat to see Nara with his head buried in his arms. "Wake up. I can't concentrate with your snoring."_

"_Tch, what a keener," Nara mumbled, his voice muffled by his arm. "All we're doing is reviewing anyway."_

_Sasuke felt a vein in his temple throb. So he _was_ listening. "We're reviewing for a reason."_

"_Well, you won't be able to pay attention if you're busy yelling at me, will you?"_

"_Just get up—"_

"_Uchiha! What's so interesting that you have to tell Nara about it in the middle of class? Would you mind sharing it with the rest of us?"_

_Vaguely, Sasuke wondered why the world was so unfair. He shook his head, the tips of his ears burning red, and sat straight again, facing the front of the room. He could practically feel Nara's smirk burning through the back of his head._

_Two minutes later, the snoring resumed. Sasuke despaired._

_He expressed his concerns to Naruto over lunch, but the blonde didn't pay much attention as he happily slurped up his cup noodles._

"_That's just Shikamaru," Naruto said, waving it off. "You'll learn to tune him out eventually."_

"_You know him?"_

"…_Yeah, he's been in the same class as us since fourth grade. Didn't you know?"_

"_No."_

"_He sat beside me in fifth grade. It felt weird when he was across the room from me in sixth grade, because I couldn't hear his snores anymore."_

_Sasuke rolled his eyes and irritably takes a bite out of his sandwich. "I don't care. I hate him."_

"_Why would you hate a dude who just wants to sleep all—oh, speak of the devil. Hey, Shikamaru!" Naruto waved to someone behind Sasuke, and Sasuke didn't even bother to turn around because he knew it would be the face that'd been annoying him for the past several days._

"_Hey, Naruto. What's up?"_

"_Just trying to talk Sasuke out of hating you. Where are you going?"_

"_Up to the roof. I want to cloud-gaze for a bit."_

"…_Yeah, but it's cloudy today."_

_Shikamaru shrugged. "So there are lots of clouds to look at, aren't there?" Sasuke angrily shoved rice into his mouth. It was quiet for a brief second, before Shikamaru said, "Sorry, Sasuke. I'll try to keep it down from now on."_

_After Shikamaru left, Naruto grinned. "See? He's not too shabby."_

"_Whatever," Sasuke groused. "I still hate him."_

_(Even though he hated him a little less.)_

_(Even though the snores, in fact, did not get any quieter.)_

—

_It was November of their eighth year of school when Naruto raced down the hallways, looking ridiculous in his oversized lion suit, doing the thing he did best: screaming Sasuke's name at the top of his lungs._

_Sasuke was in the gym, taking a swig from his water bottle when Naruto finally reached him, panting for air. "Dude. You're sweatier than I am."_

"_Shut up." Naruto snatched the water bottle from his hand and drank nearly half of it in one go, and Sasuke scowled._

_It was their annual Culture Festival, and everyone was off tending to their different duties. Naruto was good at bringing customers in for their café, which was why he was dressed up as a lion. Sasuke was specifically asked by the basketball team to help them out for today (everyone knew how good he was, but despite all efforts to recruit him, he had always refused), and Shikamaru was with his class and their haunted house. Although, if Sasuke's hunch was right, he had probably already found a dark corner in there and fallen asleep._

"_What are you doing?" he asked Naruto. "I thought your break wasn't for another hour or so."_

"_It's not. Kiba asked me to grab some more tea bags from the cafeteria because we're out…" From there, he continued to rattle on with many arm gestures that had him looking stupider than usual because he was wearing a lion costume. Sasuke wasn't really paying attention to him, but he got the general gist of it: while Naruto was running through the hallways (because he couldn't walk like a normal person), he bumped into Hyuuga Neji and knocked over and broke part of the demonstration he was carrying for his science project._

"_And?" Sasuke sighed, slightly exasperated. "What does that have to do with me? And you're refilling that bottle for me, by the way."_

"_Well, you know Neji. He was really pissed at me." Naruto laughed nervously. "But I said I knew a really smart guy that would help him fix it!"_

"_And that's me?" The sound of a whistle blowing echoed in the gym, and Sasuke rolled his shoulders. "Sorry, dude. Hyuuga Neji is someone I don't want to mess with. I have nothing to do with this. Gotta go." He turned away, leaving Naruto slack-jawed and flabbergasted. "And don't forget to refill my water bottle."_

"_Oi, Sasuke, what kind of friend are you?"_

"_Who said we were friends? I actually really hate you." He waved to Naruto and returned to the court._

"_What the hell, Sasuke!"_

_As Sasuke dribbled the ball back and forth in the gym, he felt a sliver of pity for Naruto. He usually stood strong in his opinion that Naruto deserved whatever crap he got himself into, but Hyuuga Neji was a bit of an exception._

_A girl that had been in Sasuke's class occasionally ever since elementary was Hyuuga Hinata. She was quiet and shy, but everyone liked her regardless because she was kind and always helpful if you asked her for something. There genuinely was not a single bad bone in her body._

_So naturally, people would think that her cousin, Hyuuga Neji would be the same._

_Nope._

_Neji was actually a year older than the rest of him, but Sasuke heard that he took one year off after sixth grade, which was why he was one year behind. As a result, of course, he was an absolute genius; on top of already being smart, his way of thinking was one year ahead of the rest of them. Ever since Neji came along, Sasuke had lost his standing as the top student of his year. He hated Neji a little on principle alone._

_When Sasuke was done helping the basketball team for the day, it was a little after lunch. He took a quick shower and changed back into his uniform and headed to Shikamaru's classroom. The festival was still in full swing, but because he'd been in the gym all day, he hadn't had the chance to look at anything yet._

"_Have you seen Shikamaru?" he asked Hinata, who was standing outside the classroom, bringing in customers. Brochures and maps were clutched tightly in her hands, so tight that her knuckles had gone white._

"_No," she replied, a blush dusting her cheeks. "He had the morning shift too, so he left a little while ago."_

"_Not that he even did anything, I'm guessing."_

_She laughed quietly. "We already anticipated that—he made a very convincing corpse. I think he might be in your classroom? Naruto should be finished by now too."_

_Sasuke narrowed his eyes, speculating slightly. "How do you know which shift Naruto took? You're not even in our class."_

_Hinata got even redder, and Sasuke almost felt bad for tormenting her. She was cute when she talked about Naruto. "W-Well, he just mentioned it to me once, too! I just happened to remember…"_

_Sasuke laughed. "I'm just playing with you. Thanks, Hinata—good luck with your shift." He waved goodbye to her and went on his way, leaving her a little relieved and very much confused._

_Like Hinata had guessed, he found Shikamaru in the café, sitting alone at a table meant for two. Sasuke slid into the seat across from him without so much as a greeting. "Where's Naruto?"_

"_He's getting changed right now. He couldn't leave until the next person came to take his place." Shikamaru pushed his glass across the table, untouched for the most part. There was a little umbrella sticking out of the top. "Iced tea."_

_Sasuke took a sip, and immediately recoiled. "It's too sweet."_

"_I know. Naruto made it."_

_It wasn't a moment later when Naruto bounded into the room, back in his uniform and the lion costume slung over his shoulder. "Oh, Sasuke, you're here too! I was just going to look for you."_

"_Your iced tea tastes like crap," he replied._

_Naruto tossed the lion costume to a poor looking Kiba and grabbed both Shikamaru and Sasuke by the arm and yanked them to their feet. "Anyway—onto our next destination, then!"_

"_We have destinations?" Sasuke and Shikamaru chorused simultaneously before being dragged away._

_Sasuke's first assumption was that they were heading outside to where all the food stands were, but that possibility was eliminated when they passed the main doors and did not leave through them. It was only when they stopped in front of the science lab that it dawned on him, and began to struggle in Naruto's grip that suddenly became iron tight. "You idiot—I'm not going in there—"_

"_Would you mind filling me in?" Shikamaru asked. Before anyone could answer him, the door to the lab slid open and there stood no other than Hyuuga Neji himself._

_Neji glared upon seeing Naruto, but the look of distaste disappeared when he noticed Shikamaru. "Oh, Nara. What brings you here?"_

"_I don't know," Shikamaru said. "Naruto brought me."_

"_Ah." The glint was in Neji's eyes once more. "Did you need something, Uzumaki? Something else to break, perhaps?"_

"_Yeah, sorry about that!" Naruto grinned, and Sasuke wondered how he could remain so bright in the presence of Death himself. "That's why I brought Sasuke and Shikamaru here—they're some of the smartest people I know. I might not be able to fix your thingy, but they can!"_

"_Oi," Sasuke hissed, "I told you I wasn't going to do this!"_

_Neji glanced at Sasuke and Shikamaru, and scoffed. "You broke a beaker. You can't fix a beaker."_

"…_Oh."_

_Regardless of whether or not a beaker could be repaired, the three of them entered the lab anyway to look at the science displays. As Naruto asked Shikamaru to explain what each display did, Sasuke wandered ahead to a piece of equipment that he's seen, but never used before._

"_This is yours?" he asked Neji when the older boy stood behind the counter. He nodded. "This is…"_

"_A burette."_

"_Used in titrations?"_

_Neji raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised you know."_

"_I have an older brother. He's done titrations in high school before. I've never actually seen one being done though."_

"_Do you want to? It's on display for a reason."_

_Despite his innate fear and general bitterness towards Neji, Sasuke couldn't help but perk up in excitement. "Can I?"_

"_Yeah, sure. This is an acid-base titration, which tells us the exact concentration of the acid or base that we have in the flasks here." Sasuke listened intently as Neji explained it; Itachi had told him about it once, since Sasuke always had an interest in chemistry and the way tiny atoms and molecules and elements could fit together and create magic. That was probably what he was looking forward to the most in high school—to actually take an entire course on chemistry, and not spend two months on it in a general science class._

_Naruto and Shikamaru joined him as Neji was titrating the solution, and just as Naruto was asking what was happening, it turned a like pink. Sasuke momentarily forgot how to breathe and watched Neji titrate a few extra drops to really show the color—turning deeper and deeper with every drop._

"_The moment it changes color, it means the solution has been neutralized," Shikamaru said. "Then you can calculate the concentration with the results."_

"_Tch. Boring," Naruto drawled before wandering away, but Sasuke was entranced._

"_You look pretty engrossed," Shikamaru commented towards Sasuke._

"_You're not?"_

_Shikamaru shrugged. "I guess, but I think I've always been more of a physics kind of person. More theoretical stuff—you do less and think more. That's my kind of science."_

"_Did you see the physics displays over there?" Neji asked, nodding towards the opposite end of the room._

"_Yeah. They're pretty cool."_

"_Are there other chemistry displays?" Sasuke asked, suddenly seeing Neji in a completely new light. It he befriended Neji—imagine the kind of information he could get his hands on that he wouldn't be able to learn in school for a few more years._

_Neji blinked, surprised. "Uh, yeah. Come this way."_

"_You're going to be here for a while, I'm guessing?" Shikamaru smirked. "What a nerd."_

"_Hey, look who's talking."_

"_I'm smart—that doesn't mean I'm a nerd."_

"_Yeah, whatever." Sasuke waved him off and followed Neji to the next display._

"_Naruto! Want to get some food? Looks like Sasuke's going to be here for a while."_

"_Is he being a nerd again?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Typical. Fraternizing with the enemy."_

_If Sasuke wasn't as dignified as he was, he would have thrown a rubber stopper at Naruto's face._

—

It's quiet as Sasuke and Sakura lock up the student council room. By now, the hallways are deserted; most students have already gone home, save for the ones doing extracurricular activities. Even the faint muffles of the soccer team out in the courtyard is louder than their breathing as they go and return the keys to the main office.

At first, Sasuke was worried about rumors that would fly around when he and Sakura left the school together on the first Thursday that they did student council stuff together, since Sakura will be the first girl that he spends extended periods of time alone with. He himself isn't particularly ever bothered by rumors, but since students are akin to dry vegetation in the middle of a wildfire when it comes to these sorts of things, he had even tried to find an excuse not to walk partway home with Sakura, even though he knows she only lives two streets down from him. (Naturally, she called him petty. Where did she even learn that word? _Petty._)

But it's the second month of school and no one has even uttered a word, so he walks with her with ease, in the amicable silence that he's always liked her for. Evening is approaching, but so is summer—the breeze is cool but comfortable, matching his mood.

They stop by the convenience store as they always do, to grab a drink. As Sasuke browses the different bottles and cartons, he turns to Sakura, who is standing behind him and watching. "You aren't going to get anything?"

She shakes her head. "I forgot my wallet today. You go ahead, though."

Sasuke opens the refrigerator door and pulls out a carton. "Banana milk, right?"

"Yes," Sakura replies, surprised. "You don't have to though—"

"It's not even three hundred yen; I really don't care." On his way to the cashier, he plucks a box of chrysanthemum tea off its shelf.

"Thank you," she says quietly when he hands her the milk, quietly, shyly.

"Whatever." He stabs the straw into his box of tea and takes a long sip. "Treat me the next time I forget my wallet and we're even."

Even though he's not looking at her, he can hear the smile in her voice. "Okay."

They sit on the bench outside of the convenience store for a while, Sasuke drinking his tea and Sakura drinking her milk. Banana milk is all she ever drinks—even Sasuke isn't that monotonous. Sometimes, instead of chrysanthemum tea, he'll drink oolong tea.

"Why do you always choose banana milk?" he asks, turning towards her.

"Hm?" She has the straw clamped between her lips, giving a comical sort of expression.

"Don't you get bored of it?"

"Not really." Sakura leans back on the bench, stretching her legs. "You guys take all these things for granted. These snacks, these drinks—you've had them since you were a kid, but there's nothing like that in America. I used to drink banana smoothies all the time, but now I don't even have to make them myself because banana milk exists here." She taps the carton with her finger. "You shouldn't overlook the little things."

"Oh. Okay." America doesn't have banana milk? How can it be one of the most powerful countries in the world and not have banana milk? "What else is different in America?"

"Man, I could write an entire essay on that," she laughs. "A lot of stuff is different. What do you want to know?"

"I don't know. Anything."

"Hm…" Sakura takes another sip of her milk while she thinks. "Well, there's the culture, I guess. For one, feminism over there has progressed much further than it has here—if it's even progressed here at all. Japan is still very traditional."

"Feminism is…" Sasuke has the general idea of it, but can't form it into words.

"See? You're not even familiar with the concept. It's the movement towards allowing women to have all the same rights as men."

"But why would you want to have the same rights as men? Being a girl is easy—you just sit around and let the guys do all the work." Something flashes in Sakura's eyes for a brief moment—irritation, maybe? Sasuke decides to say nothing more in case she really gets angry. "But that is still oppression, I guess."

Sakura sighs. "Yeah. Culture differences—I can't dislike you just because you think differently from me when you've never had any other way to think."

"Sorry," he says.

"Don't apologize for your society. Japan is better than America in some ways, too—like having banana milk."

If all Americans are like Sakura, then he would like to visit there sometime. She might be the most laid back, down to earth, openminded person he knows—and that's saying something, for a girl.

_Uh. Was that sexist?_

He's going to have to be careful with what he says around her from now on, he thinks. He actually likes Sakura, so he doesn't want to get on her bad side.

Sakura shakes her milk carton, and there's no sound. "Well, I'm done. Are you?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah." They toss their empty drinks into a nearby garbage bin, and continue on their way.

When they reach Sakura's house, she turns to face him, her book bag held by both hands behind her back. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow," she says, smiling. Another breeze rolls by, and her hair dances around the nape of her neck. "Also, I retract what I said earlier about you only being cool sometimes. Maybe you're cool most of the time."

"Of course I am," Sasuke retorts, resentful.

She laughs. "If that makes you sleep better at night, sure. Bye, Sasuke!"

"Bye."

He watches her turn the lock of her door, and she turns back to wave to him one last time before disappearing into her house. Silence falls around him and he heaves a sigh. The end of another day.

With only his thoughts for company, he makes his way home, two streets away from Sakura.

* * *

**A/N:** Weekly updates? Why did I promise that? Time flies by so fast!

The first two chapters mark the introduction and background information, so next chapter is when things start to happen. Well, I say "things".

I'm trying to start a new policy of replying to reviews as long as you a) don't review anonymously, and b) trigger something in me more than the generic thank you. I replied to most of your reviews last chapter and I'll be doing my best in the future as well!


	3. the things you don't know

**the things you don't know (june)**

—

_Let's date._

These are the first words Shikamaru reads when he turns on his phone at ten o'clock on a Sunday morning.

He sighs, and ignores the jolt his heart gives. _What brought this up?_

He tosses his phone onto his bed and it disappears into the folds of his blankets. He goes and brushes his teeth. Then he eats some of last night's leftovers for breakfast, and helps his mother with the housework because she won't stop bickering about it. Then he watches some TV. An hour later, he returns to his room and checks his phone.

_Because I like you, obviously. So? What do you say?_

Shikamaru laughs dryly to himself. What does he want to say? What _should_ he say?

_Don't know why you're interested in a bum like me, but sure._

His phone vibrates again within a minute. _Cool,_ Ino replies. _Are you free today? Let's go on a date!_

What kind of cruel twist of fate is this?

_Sure. Where do you want to go?_

_Hm, how about the mall?_

_As long as you don't make me carry all of your shopping bags. I'm not your personal bellboy._

_Okay, okay! See you in an hour?_

_Sure. See you._

For several minutes afterwards, Shikamaru continues to stare at the messages, the letters burning into his mind. Then he sighs and gets changed, because society doesn't take kindly to people wearing pajamas in public. And he supposes his girlfriend wouldn't take kindly to that either.

Girlfriend, huh? That word feels novel to him. Unfairly exciting. Ino has always been unfair.

"I'm going out," he tells his parents as he passes through the living room.

"Where?" his mother asks. "Aren't exams coming up?"

"Let's face it," Shikaku says, "even if he stayed home all day, he'd just spend it sleeping. Let him get some fresh air."

His mother sighs. "That's true. Be home before dinner, okay?"

"Yeah." He waves goodbye to them before leaving the house.

There are only two weeks left until summer holidays, but summer is already here. The heat beats down on Shikamaru as he walks to the bus stop, and he immediately regrets agreeing to this at all. This is just an incoming train wreck—he can sense it. He knows it.

He reaches the mall half an hour later, and finds Ino already waiting in a periwinkle summer dress and a grey fedora to keep the sun out of her eyes. He immediately forgets all regrets he had earlier.

"Hi, Shikamaru!" she exclaims with a bright smile when she sees him.

He doesn't even know how to respond to her. He is struck with a moment of pure speechlessness, one not by choice, before he manages, "'Let's date'? Really?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Ino," he says flatly, "you've never shown any prior romantic interest in me before."

"That's because I'm really good at hiding it, obviously," she singsongs. She grabs his hand and begins tugging. "Let's go inside—it's scorching hot out here." Shikamaru is too busy trying to analyze her to realize that she's entwined their fingers together and that her hands are very, very soft.

He spends the next hour being pulled around from store to store, listening to her babbling. Shikamaru calls it babble (and has always called it babble for as long as he's known her) because he can't bother to offer much intelligent conversation when he would much rather just listen to her talk, because her voice never fails to wind effortlessly through his ribcage and around his heart, making it beat much faster than normal. He hates that about her—how she gets under his skin without even trying.

"How does this look on me?" she comes out of the dressing room in a dress, very different from the one she's wearing today. It's tight and black and he wonders if she's doing this on purpose. No, of course she's not. She's never known—she's never even considered it.

_Stunning,_ he thinks. "Good," he says instead.

"You're just saying that to please me, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

She laughs, like a bell on a summer day. "Typical."

Ino doesn't actually buy anything, much to his surprise. ("There's no point if I shop with you because you don't even give actual opinions.") Not long later, he finds himself in the patio of a café, having ice cream.

Shikamaru's known Ino for as long as he can remember. His parents are close friends with her parents, so in a sense, they're childhood friends—though most of their interactions as children comprised of Ino trying to make him play with her, and him refusing because he thought she was too girly and loud and annoying.

It would have been better if he spent the rest of his life thinking she was too girly and loud and annoying.

Two years ago, the exact moment he realized that he did not think any of those things about her at all—and, in fact, thought that she was too lovely and breathtaking and full of life—he had sighed and accepted that, no, this feeling will not go away for a very long time, and until it does, being with her will always hurt.

To date, he has not been wrong.

He interrupts Ino's aimless humming as she enjoys her ice cream. "So, why don't you tell me the real reason why you asked me to date you?"

Her humming stops, and she swallows, putting down her spoon. Her smile slowly fades. "How did you know?"

"Do you really think that little of my intelligence and how long I've known you for?"

She looks away, and suddenly the blue of her eyes no longer reminds him of the sky, but of tears.

"Sasuke," she says, and it makes sense.

If Ino knew for even a moment about how Shikamaru felt about her, she wouldn't have done this. Because that's the kind of person she is. Hard and brash and untouchable on the outside, but inside, there's an eternity of kindness that will one day destroy her. If she knew how Shikamaru falls asleep thinking about her every single night, she would try her best to love him back—she would throw away all thoughts of Sasuke for the sake of making her childhood friend happy.

Which is exactly why Shikamaru can never tell her.

"You don't mind, right?" she trills, smiling again and picking up her spoon. "You don't really have to do anything—I'll just stick to you a lot and we'll pretend for a while. Is that too troublesome for you?"

"No," he lies with no effort at all. "But do you think that will work? Sasuke doesn't fall for such tactics."

"Sasuke doesn't fall for girls, period," Ino corrects him. "I mean, there's no telling if it'll work, but everything else I've tried has failed."

"You haven't tried confessing to him yet."

"That's the last resort. Maybe if he sees how happy we are together, he'll realize that he wants me too!"

"That's not going to work." Shikamaru rests his chin in his palm. Other than the fact that the only difference between girls and boys to Sasuke is their biological makeup, even if there's more to it that, Sasuke wouldn't think twice about Ino. It's not that he doesn't like her, but so many things about her are so fundamentally different from him that even if he wants to, he would have the sense not to. Shikamaru's thought of it hundreds of times since he discovered how she felt about him. He doesn't know what would be worse: seeing Ino sad over Sasuke, or seeing Ino be happy with Sasuke and being the sad one instead.

This is why it's better to just stay at home and sleep all day.

"Thanks for being encouraging, spoilsport." Ino sticks her tongue out at him, full to the brim with hope. Shikamaru doesn't want to be the one who shatters it.

Despite the ice cream, the rest of the day is spent with a bitter taste sitting in the back of his throat.

—

"Morning, Shikamaru!" Ino chirps as she glides into class the next day. Shikamaru and Sasuke are already in their seats, talking to each other when she swoops down and pecks Shikamaru on the cheek.

Sasuke raises his eyebrows imperceptibly. Shikamaru tries his best not to blush, and fails miserably.

"Morning," he mutters, unable to make eye contact.

"Morning, Sasuke," she says just as brightly.

"Good morning," Sasuke replies, a tone of surprise in his voice.

Ino makes her way to her seat beside Sakura a moment later—which, luckily, is all the way across the room from where Shikamaru and Sasuke are. Shikamaru breathes a quiet sigh of relief.

"Dude. Did I just see what I think I saw?"

"Pretend you didn't." He buries his face in the crook of his arm, under the pretense that he's going to sleep, but in reality, he can't possibly let anyone see how red his face is.

"Since when did Ino have a thing for you?"

"I don't know. Since forever, apparently."

Sensing that he's not really up for talking, Sasuke backs off. "Huh. Weird."

Yeah. Shikamaru doesn't need telling.

—

It continues like that for the next two weeks. Through the studying and through the exams that all students have to endure before they can reach the salvation that is summer break, Ino and Shikamaru "date".

It's the most difficult two weeks of Shikamaru's life. Every night, he tosses and turns in bed, reminiscing the feeling of Ino's lips against his cheek, her hand in his, her laughter as she casually leans against him when they talk. All of which, of course, happen only when they are in the company of others. It never happens when they're alone. And that stings more than it should.

Shikamaru never had hope for him and Ino. But now, suddenly he does. Suddenly he knows what happiness is like, even if it's only temporary.

(_And it hurts._)

"Let's be honest here," Naruto says one day during lunch. "Man to man. Heart to heart."

"What," Shikamaru says.

"Why are you really dating Ino? I mean, not to offend you, but she's sometimes a bitch." This clearly catches Sasuke and Neji's attention, and they both perk up despite their best efforts not to.

Shikamaru shrugs. "She's hot."

"Yeah, well, Hinata's hot! Why don't you hook up with her?"

Neji chokes on his sandwich.

"Why deal with girls if they don't come to me first? They're too troublesome otherwise." Shikamaru has the words memorized; has them on the tip of his tongue in case this conversation ever came up. He's glad he prepared in advance.

"You shouldn't treat girls like that," Neji says. "If she can put up with that attitude of yours, she must really like you. Don't hurt her."

If only he knew the truth. "She'll get rid of me when she gets tired of me. Don't worry."

"Shouldn't you be treating her better? She's your childhood friend, isn't she?" Sasuke finishes up the last of his chrysanthemum tea.

"I've known her since childhood—that doesn't mean she's my childhood friend."

Naruto laughs. "You're kind of a dick, Shikamaru. But I like that. Let's have hoards of girls following us around!"

"Are you guys," Sasuke speaks up suddenly, "supporters of feminism?"

A moment of silence falls over them. "Feminism isn't a strong movement here," Neji finally says. "But yes, I do think women should have equal rights. Meaning," he shoots Shikamaru and Naruto a look, "that we should not be treating them like objects to be played with."

Naruto isn't even fazed. "Neji, you can either let women control you until the day you die, or you can be a man and take initiative. Which do you choose?"

The older boy sighs. "You don't even understand the basic principle of gender equality and give-and-take relationships."

"_Anyways._ We've gone off topic! Shikamaru, if you have the chance, sleep with Ino. Seriously. She's so hot."

"Only if you sleep with Hinata," he replies with a wicked grin. Neji flings a piece of bread at his face.

"Deal." They fist bump.

For some reason, Shikamaru is afraid of telling them the truth. Emotions are scary—for someone who's been impassive for the majority of his life, to suddenly feel such a strong pull towards a single person is enough to throw anyone off balance.

Ino is big. Ino is frightening. Ino is unfathomable.

And at the same time, a very precious secret—one that would lose a little bit of its sparkle if he ever shared it with anyone else.

—

Ino is waiting outside the classroom and checking her phone when Shikamaru comes out. "What are you doing alone out here?"

"Waiting for you, of course." She pushes herself off of the wall and smiles. "How was the exam?" Today's test is on Japanese literature, so naturally, since that's Ino's best subject, she's the first person to finish and walk out of the classroom.

"I fell asleep twice while writing it."

She laughs, and punches him lightly before linking their arms together. They walk down the hallway with easy steps, no particular destination in mind.

"I know people have been giving you crap for dating me," Ino says. "Since you don't really care, they're saying you're a bad boyfriend." That's not entirely untrue: Shikamaru purposely tries not to care. It helps with numbing the pain. "So I wanted to say thanks, I guess. I didn't really think that would happen—I didn't think this would even affect you that much at all, actually—but now that it has, I just wanted to say that I think you're a really good boyfriend. Even though you're not _actually_ my boyfriend."

"Okay," Shikamaru says slowly, not entirely sure of how to respond to that.

"And you're right. I don't think Sasuke even cares that we started going out; maybe it's time for us to break up and for me to get out of your hair."

"So soon?" The words leave his mouth before he realizes it.

She blinks. "Well, it _has_ been two weeks. If nothing's happened by now, I don't think there will be any major changes anytime soon."

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru says. "That it didn't work."

"Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault. And you did everything you could anyway." Ino steps walking, and they stand in the middle of the deserted hallway. "I don't really think I say this enough, but you're my best friend, Shikamaru. And I'm always so grateful towards you."

_Stop it. Stop being so kind to me. All I've ever been is selfish._

"Whatever." He turns his head away. He's afraid that she'll see something he doesn't want her to see if he looks at her. "You're the one who did all the work."

"Yeah, well," Ino stands up on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around Shikamaru's neck in a hug—not a hug under the façade that they are dating, but a genuine hug, one that has him choking, "sometimes I think that's easier than sitting there and dealing with me without a single complaint."

Shikamaru smiles, knowing that she can't see his expression right now. He awkwardly pats her back. "Well, I _am_ resilient."

When she draws away, hands still lingering on his shoulders, he's struck by how sad she looks. "I think it's time this relationship came to an end," she says softly. "I've caused you enough trouble."

_No,_ he wants to say. _I don't want you to go. I want to keep pretending._

But nothing comes out of his mouth, because it'd be pointless and because he's a coward.

He manages a smile. She looks exactly how he feels: on the verge of tears. Shikamaru doesn't forget that they're upset for entirely different reasons.

It was nice while it lasted, wasn't it?

—

"How long have you liked Sasuke for, anyway?" he asks later as they're changing their shoes at the front door. "You never did tell me."

She rolls her eyes. "That's because you know everything even when I don't say anything. But I guess if I had to give it a length of time…a year, maybe? Although I may have liked him long before that without knowing it. But…" She smiles then, a smile so soft and tender that Shikamaru could only dream that it's a smile meant for him. "This isn't just some crush, you know? Everything about him—just seeing him every day, the way he acts, the way he treats people around him—"

"He treats people like crap."

"Yeah, he treats _you_ like crap because you're a dick." She glares at him, fondly. "But he's actually really nice. You know that."

Shikamaru puts his indoor shoes into his locker and shuts it with more force than necessary. The clang of metal echoes around them. He's heard more than enough. He doesn't need someone else telling him how Sasuke is better than him—he knows all of that already.

"Yeah, well," he says loudly (_to block out his own thoughts_), "good luck with that. You be happy with him."

"Shikamaru." Ino touches his arm, a crinkle of worry in her brow. "What's wrong? Are you upset?"

He scowls. "No."

It's clear that she doesn't believe him, but she doesn't push it. "Well, you know you can always talk to me, right? When I said you're my best friend, I don't just mean that you're there for me when I need you—I'll be there for you whenever you need it too."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." He slings his bag over his shoulder. He can't stand to see her anymore, not today. He has to get out of here.

"No girls that you like, right? I don't know why I'm asking that; of course you don't like anyone."

"Too troublesome."

"Do you know if Sasuke likes anyone? Has he ever mentioned—" She stops mid-sentence, and Shikamaru raises his eyebrows.

And then her lips are on his.

It literally comes out of nowhere. Ino's hands are on either side of his face to keep him from moving away and her lips are forceful, and—

—_the smell of her perfume_—

—the way her body presses closer to his and he's just stunned to the point where he can't move, where he just kisses her back because he didn't prepare for this he doesn't know how to react to this—

—_the taste of her lip gloss_—

—this is more than he could have ever dreamed of—

—_the warmth of her breath on his lips_—

—his hands grasp her waist just as she pulls away, cheeks flushed. Then she draws away completely, unable to meet his eyes—Shikamaru's completely forgotten how to breathe; he's lightheaded and dizzy—

"Why don't you two get a room?" Sasuke asks, grabbing his outdoor shoes from his locker.

Slowly—much slower than usual—it clicks into place.

And then the worst feeling wells up in Shikamaru's stomach; the worst kind of anger and betrayal that he's ever felt in his life. It's new because he's never been let down this way before; he thinks ahead and sets his expectations at their lowest so he can't fall any lower, but _this_—he couldn't predict this, couldn't predict Ino being willing to go as far as this to attempt to trigger any sort of reaction out of Sasuke, couldn't predict—

—Shikamaru is a _person_, not a trophy boyfriend, not someone to be jealous of—

He's so angry he sees red, because even if she didn't intend to, Ino gave him hope and then she tore it away. That's enough to make anyone dangerous.

She's only managed to exchange a few words of small talk with Sasuke before she notices Shikamaru's unusual silence. "Shikamaru? You okay?"

"We've broken up," he hisses, venom in every single word. "Don't kiss me—don't even _touch_ me anymore." Blindly, he spins on his feet and stalks out the front doors, as quick as he can because he genuinely doesn't know if he's going to scream or cry or smash a window.

He makes it one block before he punches the wall of a building, stripping flesh off bone and emotions off rationality. His knees give out from under him and he falls down to a crouch, burying his face in his hands. He body shakes with uneven breaths and heavy sobs, but his eyes remain dry. Everything is wrong right now—everything is so, so wrong. It was never supposed to be this way.

He was supposed to remain her best friend, and he was supposed to remain numb and sit it out. He was never supposed to get this close to the fire—like a moth to a flame, he couldn't resist. And now he's burnt himself.

Shikamaru remains crouched there for a very long time, minutes and people and all of life passing him by. When he stands up again, the sun is setting. His eyes blink to adjust to the light. His throat is dry. His legs are sore.

He doesn't know how to make anything stop hurting.

—

Sometimes, when Shikamaru lets his guard down enough, he'll think of things.

He'll make up a future where he marries Ino and they're parents to their children the way his parents are to him—a laid back father and constantly bickering mother. He never wanted a bickering wife until Ino.

And he would think much more than that if he doesn't put shackles on himself. Half of the time, he either lies to himself and denies that he has any feelings for her, and the other half, he's desperately pretending that he doesn't. Shikamaru's been living like that for a long time now, and he thought he could continue for as long as he needed to.

But after what happened today? He isn't so sure anymore.

He jolts out of his thoughts when his phone vibrates loudly on his bedside table. He's been lying in bed for the past hour and hasn't been able to fall asleep.

It's Sasuke. "You have two minutes. Say whatever you want and I won't think of you any less."

For a moment, Shikamaru contemplates on whether or not he should say anything. He's never told anyone about Ino up until now—two years of this, all alone. He wants to get it out, but to Sasuke? To the person that's causing him all this grief?

"You don't want to know."

"Cut the crap, Shikamaru. You need someone right now so I'll be your someone."

Sasuke is a good person: that is a truth. Shikamaru can't hate him for it—if anything, he hates himself for not being better.

He sighs. "I…like Ino."

"…Okay."

"I really like Ino."

"I don't see what the problem is here."

"She never…" Shikamaru struggles to muster up the courage to even put himself out there like this—talking about his vulnerabilities scares him because hiding them has always been the best thing about himself. "She didn't date me because she wanted to. She dated me to try to get some other guy's attention."

"Oh." Pause. "Okay, that kind of sucks."

"Yeah."

"She looked pretty into it though. When she was kissing you."

"That's because—" Shikamaru stops. "That's because she was sad. I was just rebound."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

He hears Sasuke sigh on the other end of the line. "That it had to be this way. It's not fair."

"Life isn't fair," Shikamaru points out.

Silence stretches between them for a few moments, and he fidgets awkwardly. Shikamaru doesn't have "talks" with Sasuke—in fact, he doesn't have talks with anyone. This is his first time. He's not sure if he likes it.

"Well, your two minutes are up," Sasuke finally says. He sounds relieved too. "I won't tell anyone about it, in case you're worried."

"Nah, you don't care about gossip anyway."

"Right. I'll see you around."

"Okay." Shikamaru contemplates thanking him, and it's on the tip of his tongue, too—but it doesn't come out. "Bye."

After they hang up, he puts his phone back onto his bedside table. There are unanswered texts and missed calls from Ino in there too, but he's decided to ignore her until he has his emotions under control. Under no circumstances does he ever want her to know how he feels about her.

(_She must be worried because she has no idea what's going on. Shikamaru never wanted her to be troubled because of him._)

He glances at his hand, now bandaged by his overly concerned mother. His knuckles are skinned and red and raw. It's going to sting like a bitch when he showers later.

A knock sounds at his door. "You sure you don't want dinner?" It's his father.

"Yeah."

The door opens and Shikaku comes in. Shikamaru rolls over to face the wall.

"We'll leave something in the fridge for you if you get hungry later," his father says.

"Okay. Thanks." He's met with no reply, so after a moment, Shikamaru asks: "How did you know? That Mom was the one. How did you know that you wouldn't find someone better?"

The weight of his bed shifts when Shikaku sits down on its edge. "I didn't know. I don't think anyone ever knows for sure—it's all on faith."

Great. So what's he got to go on?

"I didn't know I wanted an annoying woman like your mom until I fell in love with her."

_Yeah. Me neither._

—

It isn't until several days later does Shikamaru finally call Ino back.

Summer break has officially started, so Shikamaru hasn't seen anyone since that day. And for the better, he thinks—he wouldn't have known how to face anyone.

"Hello?" she sounds timid, afraid.

"Hey." The anticipation on his shoulders feels as heavy as an entire world and then some.

Before he even gets a chance to say anything, she already begins talking, the words spilling so quick from her mouth that he almost doesn't catch them all. "I'm really, really sorry—I wasn't thinking so I just acted and that was stupid of me, and I really do value our friendship more than that and yeah we were pretending to date but I should have never kissed you because it was way out of line—"

"Relax, Ino," he interrupts, feeling a wrench in his gut for making her feel like this is all her fault. It's not her fault—he wouldn't have cared in the least that she kissed him if he never cared in the first place. "It's okay. Sorry. I overreacted."

"It was the first time I've seen you react at _all_ to anything, actually…it was really scary…"

"I'm sorry," he says again. "Really. It just came out of the blue."

"You're not mad? You looked so mad. I'm really, _really_ sorry—"

"Seriously, stop apologizing." He sighs. "I'm not mad. I just…never expected you to do that, is all." He can't come up with a proper explanation for his reaction.

Ino still sounds unsure, but she concedes. "Okay. So…we're good? You're good?"

_No. _"Yeah."

"Okay." And suddenly, the smile returns to her voice. "Have you gone on Facebook lately? Naruto invited us all to the beach next week. He found a cheap motel and everything so we can stay the night."

"Really? I haven't checked."

It'll get better—that, Shikamaru is sure of. As the days pass, he'll forget about the two weeks that he spent as Ino's boyfriend, fake or not; he'll forget the momentary closeness he had with her, the short while that he could call her his own. It was a dream come to life and although Shikamaru kind of hates it, he can't regret it either, because in an odd sort of way, he was incredibly happy as well. And very rarely is he ever as happy as he was when he was dating her.

So no, Shikamaru is not good. Shikamaru is not okay. But he will get better. Things will get better.

* * *

**A/N:** My favorite characters to write about in this fic are SasuSaku and ShikaIno, and not necessarily always in those respective pairings. Writing them individually is a lot of fun too—this story, as a whole, has been unexpectedly fun to write.

So it's really great if you guys have fun reading it too. :D


	4. i just came to dance

**i just came to dance (july)**

—

It's finally here.

The day that Naruto's been looking forward to for what seems like forever—it's finally _here_. He's so excited he can't keep still.

The beach.

(_The sound of waves crashing against the sandy shore, the saltiness lingering in the air…_)

The beach!

(_Seagulls cawing as they fly through the blue skies, ice cream vans playing familiar jingles as they slowly roll down the street…_)

The bea—

"If you don't sit still, I swear to God, I'm going to duct tape you here and leave you when we reach our stop." Sasuke holds his wrist in a death grip, and Naruto gulps, allowing himself to be pulled back into his seat.

"You wouldn't!"

"Do you want to try me?"

"Nah, it'd just waste all your energy. I'm thinking of your well-being, see?"

"Well-being my ass."

Naruto has been saving up for this trip all year. With the allowance that he gets from his aunt, there's only so much money that can be put to the side while ramen continues to exist in the world. The idea struck him last summer when he was lying in bed with nothing to do; that it'd be fun if everyone went on an outing like this! Sometimes, Naruto thinks all of his friends are too serious or too depressed. As a person of a higher state of being who is able to achieve constant happiness, it's his duty to brighten everyone up.

According to the train schedule, they should reach their destination in about half an hour. The clock is approaching noon; Naruto can barely contain himself from the excitement. The beach. The beach!

"So tell me again, why did you plan all of this?" Ino asks him. "You rarely ever put so much effort into something."

He shrugs. "Because we've never all hung out together like this? It's always at school and that's so _boring_, don't you think?" Not to mention the terrible fallout between her and Shikamaru right as the summer break started—whatever happened between them, it's awful enough that they haven't even talked to each other once since they all met up this morning. Shikamaru and Ino are childhood friends, and not being able to talk to each other just isn't right.

Naruto makes a mental note not to date childhood friends if it just goes down the drain like that. He glances at Sasuke. And blanches.

He's sitting beside Sasuke, with Sakura and Ino across from them. The two girls are sharing an iPod and listening to music together. Across the aisle from them is Shikamaru, Neji, and Hinata. (Apparently, Neji didn't even want to come in the first place, but he was obligated to since Hinata was coming. Naruto just thinks he wants to see his cousin in a bikini.) Those three are sitting quietly, without so much as a peep. How do they keep all of their thoughts in their head without having them leak from their mouths?

"So," he says to Sasuke, who's gazing aimlessly out the window, watching the scenery fly by, "who do you think will be hotter in a bikini: Sakura, Ino, or Hinata?"

Ino throws her handheld mirror at his face.

—

"Why do I have to share a room with you?" Sasuke grouses as they unpack their bags once they reach their motel.

"I was being considerate," Naruto retorts, "since I figured you and Neji together would be too much anal for one room."

"I wanted to room with Shikamaru, actually."

"You wound me, Sasuke. Really. I thought our friendship meant more than that to you."

"What friendship?"

Naruto tosses a pillow at the back of Sasuke's head, and marvels at the way his hair still springs back to life after such a deadly blow. "It's a shame we couldn't invite more girls, though."

"Why?"

"Why not? Girls are hot, aren't they?"

"I think three is plenty."

Their motel room is cramped and a little old, but that's to be expected for such a cheap price. Initially, Naruto was surprised at how much it cost, considering how close it is to the beach. Naruto gets his things together: towel, sunscreen, wallet—and changes into his swimming trunks. Sasuke does the same.

"Three girls aren't enough, are you kidding me? Maybe ten…"

Sasuke visibly shudders in his peripheral vision. "Don't even make me think about it. I feel nauseous."

Sometimes, Naruto wonders if Sasuke's maturity was stunted at the age of seven.

Ten minutes later, they're outside of their room with Shikamaru and Neji, now waiting on Sakura, Ino, and Hinata to come out. Naruto is full to the brim with impatience. He takes it back—three girls are definitely enough.

"Let me remind you again," Neji says suddenly—

"That we are not, under any circumstances, allowed to ogle Hinata. Yes, we know. You've only texted us in advance last night and reminded each of us separately before we got on the train." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "We really couldn't care less how much skin Hinata revealed."

"No matter how pretty Hinata is, she isn't worth going through the pain you'd have in store for us," Naruto agrees, nodding.

It's then that the girls finally come out. Each of them have a duffel bag (full of mysteries) slung over their shoulders. They've already changed into their swimming suits, but with a t-shirt thrown over top; so right now, much to Naruto's dismay, he can only see legs.

(But they're very nice legs. Miles and miles of legs. Hinata's legs, too.)

(He quickly averts his gaze from Hinata in case Neji is watching.)

"What's with you guys?" Sakura says. "All of you look like you've just received death threats or something." She doesn't know how close to home she is.

They couldn't have chosen a better day to come. There isn't a single cloud in the sky; the sun beats down on them as they head right across the street to where the beach is. Naruto's eyes scour the area, seeing the families, the couples, the groups of friends, everyone having fun. If he could choose, he would always be that happy with his friends, too.

Neji and Hinata set up the large umbrella that they brought for the occasion, while Naruto hastily strips off his t-shirt. "Let's hit the waves!"

"Calm down," Sakura laughs. "Unlike you, all of us are going to burn if we don't put sunscreen on."

An idea occurs to Naruto. "I can put sunscreen on your back, if you need help!"

"Nah, I got her." Ino snatches the bottle of sunscreen that he's just about to grab. "Why don't you help out Hinata, though?"

"Uh," he glances at Neji, who's unpacking everything, like the mother hen of the group. "I don't mind, but…"

"Don't worry about him. Neji! Can you help me with my sunscreen?" Neji's look of horror and slight repulsion nearly has Naruto falling to the ground in laughter, and Ino mildly offended.

_Go,_ Sakura mouths to him once Neji steps over, nodding at Hinata. It surprises him that Hinata is actually wearing a bikini—he never thought that she'd wear anything other than her school swimsuit. He does a once-over: pale skin, flat stomach, slender arms—

_Dammit, dude, do you _want_ Neji to skin you alive?_

Naruto sidles over to her. "Do you, uh, need help? With your back, I mean."

Hinata noticeably jumps when she hears his voice, her face suddenly turning ten different shades of red, as it always does when she makes contact with anything that breathes. Naruto's always thought that was kind of weird. "S-Sure, Naruto."

He applies sunscreen to her back with shaking hands, always afraid that Neji will come slaughter him at any moment. But when he hears him talking to Sasuke, he relaxes a little. "I didn't think you'd want to come when I invited you, to be honest," he says to Hinata, laughing sheepishly. "Since I thought you'd rather stay at home and study, or something. Sorry."

"Well, that's true," Hinata replies, almost as quiet as a mouse. "I'm not very good in social situations like this, but since it's summer, I don't think staying in all day, every day is very healthy either."

"That's right! You should get that mindset into that cousin of yours. He's so stiff it hurts."

She laughs a little. "I'll let him know."

Naruto slaps her on the back, and she squeaks. "Well, you're all done. Let's go swim!"

"What? Right now?"

"If not now, then when? Carpe diem, Hinata! Seize the day!"

"What are you doing, harassing an innocent girl?" he suddenly hears Shikamaru drawl. Shikamaru's arm drapes around Naruto's shoulders. "She looks like she's about to drop dead."

"T-That's not true, Shikamaru!"

"Ino and Sakura are ready to go," Shikamaru says. "Hinata, you burn easily, right? Be careful and don't spend too much time out in the sun."

"I won't. Thanks." Hinata gives him a shy smile. Does she like him? Who would like a bum like Shikamaru anyway? Ino probably dumped him because he was too lazy to even make out with her.

"Let's go." Shikamaru's arm locks around Naruto's neck and he drags him, painfully, out of the umbrella's shade and into the sun. "Leave the poor girl alone."

Naruto wails, "But I wasn't harassing her!"

—

It's almost evening when the storm hits.

Quite frankly, Naruto is appalled at how quickly the weather changed. Before he knew it, it had gone cloudy, and the sun had disappeared. By the time he notices, he's quite a ways out with Hinata and Shikamaru (Ino and Sakura kept on annoying him and bothering him to talk to Hinata, Hinata this, Hinata that, what the hell, they should shut up about Hinata!). He's competing with Shikamaru to see who can tread water the longest, and Hinata's keeping afloat by grasping hold of a large jagged boulder near the cliff face, watching with cheerful eyes. The others are back on the beach, playing volleyball—Naruto wanted to play too, but the other girls were so annoying that it was less painful to just do as they told.

"Was that thunder?" Shikamaru shouts, out of breath after treading water for so long. Naruto is nearing the last of his stamina too, but he isn't going to give until Shikamaru does.

"Thunder? Nah, probably just the waves. You're not trying to cheat your way to victory, are you?" Shikamaru looks unsure, but says nothing more. Instead, he concentrates on keeping his head above the water; he may be lazy, but he still has pride as a man. Naruto grins wickedly. Shikamaru looks like he's struggling.

"Um," he hears Hinata's timid voice a few meters away, "maybe we should head back? Others are swimming back to shore too."

"Yeah, yeah, after Shikamaru forfeits."

Nothing has ever happened so fast. One moment, it's merely cloudy—and the next, rain is pelting down on them, like ice falling from the skies. Naruto has experienced quick weather changes like this before, but never when swimming in the ocean—and he doesn't even think much of it when there is a loud, blaring announcement from the life guard for everyone to return to shore. They're not too far off, and—

"Naruto!"

"Shikamaru, you're freaking me out with all of your shouting, seriously." When Naruto turns to him, the smile nearly melts off his face. Shikamaru is white as a sheet and a look of sheer panic written all over his features. "What?"

"Hinata," he's barely able to choke out, and Naruto spins so fast he thinks he might snap his neck.

Hinata's gone.

"She was there a second ago," Shikamaru sputtered, now nearly sinking beneath the surface from disorientation. "Then a big wave came and she must have lost her grip because she was swept away—"

Naruto doesn't even wait for him to finish—he dives right down.

His limbs are aching from his competition with Shikamaru, but that hardly matters now—Hinata's down there somewhere. If they had swam back a few minutes ago like she had suggested, this wouldn't have happened.

It's difficult to keep his eyes open and his lungs are beginning to burn but he keeps kicking and swimming, lower and farther and deeper. She has to be here somewhere. She has to be.

It's only several seconds later does he realize that he's not truly swimming—he's being carried by the current too, drifting in an unknown direction. He can't see a thing in the water. He's about to suffocate. But in the ten, twenty seconds it takes to surface for air and go back down again, where will Hinata be? How much further will she have disappeared to?

Those are his last thoughts as all energy leaves his body and his eyes slip shut.

—

When he comes to, he's hacking and choking and feeling like every cell in his body is on fire.

"Thank God," Shikamaru breathes before collapsing on his stomach, his entire body shaking. Naruto doesn't register it though because he's still gulping in breath after breath of air; his eyes hurt, his nose hurts, everything hurts. Everything stings. Everything aches.

"Hinata," he manages, voice hoarse. He can still hear the waves, and sand and gravel digs painfully into his bare back. He's cold. "Where's Hinata?"

"She's here," Shikamaru mumbles, not moving from the fetal position on his stomach. "Don't worry. She's fine. I performed CPR on you both."

Under normal circumstances, Naruto would be grossed out, but instead of that, he is just very, very grateful.

He turns his head and sees Hinata lying beside him. Her eyes are closed, and she's breathing peacefully. "How did you find her?" he asks Shikamaru.

"I saw you first," the other boy replies tiredly. "You floated up to the surface a long distance away, but I spotted your blonde hair. But the time I got to you, you were already washed up here. So was Hinata." When Naruto looks beyond Hinata, he realizes they're in a small cave, made by the erosion of the waves after several decades. He can see the beach from here, even if it's a way's away. It's still raining heavily.

"Thanks," Naruto says. "For saving us."

"I'm lazy and occasionally a dick, yes, but I'm not a murderer. I'm offended that you think I'd let you die."

"I didn't think that—" When Naruto glances at Shikamaru, his face buried in his arms as he uses Naruto's stomach as some sort of pillow, he realizes how severely he's shaking. Naruto can't imagine what it was like for him in those several minutes—dragging him and Hinata side by side, administering CPR—not knowing if they'd breathe again. "I really mean it, Shikamaru. You can't have someone save your life and not thank them for it."

Shikamaru doesn't look up. "Yeah. It's fine."

Naruto stares at the cave ceiling. "It was my fault. I stopped us from heading back."

"It wasn't just you. We knew Hinata wasn't a strong swimmer and we still went that far out for the sake of treading water. It was the both of us. It was our fault."

"I'm sorry," Naruto says.

"I'm sorry too."

They say nothing more to each other for the next several minutes, but neither of them move, either. Naruto is comforted by Shikamaru's warm weight on him, like a steady reminder to not be too consumed by the terrifying _what-ifs_ running through his head. He was the one who was supposed to save Hinata, but in the end, he had put the responsibility on Shikamaru.

And what if Shikamaru didn't see Naruto? What if he never found either of them? Never mind himself, since Naruto's always figured that not too many people would miss him if he suddenly dropped off the face of the earth, but _Hinata_—if Hinata never makes it home, if no one was there to force life back into her lungs—it's on him. It's all on him.

Naruto suddenly feels very small, and very insignificant.

Hinata coughs when she comes to, and Naruto shoots up, accidentally knocking Shikamaru to the ground. "Hinata," he says, crawling over to her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I—yes, just thirsty," she replies, still disoriented. "What happened?"

Naruto laughs, not sure if the relief is more suffocating, or the guilt. "You just slipped under the waves for a bit. But you're okay now. We got you."

She sits up with little struggle, but she shivers, goosebumps all over her skin. "Sorry if I worried you."

"Don't say that! I'm just really glad you're okay." He forces a smile. "Are you cold?"

"Yes, a little."

"Here." He sits close beside her and pulls her close with both arms around her. "We can't make a fire and we're going to have to wait out the storm, so you're going to have to put up with me." He doesn't register her jumping out of her skin as he does so—he's just determined to do whatever he can for her now that he's conscious and not on the verge of death. "Shikamaru, you're going to get hypothermia if you don't come over here too."

"I'm fine," Shikamaru says. He's hugging his knees to his chest, voice empty and eyes half-lidded. Naruto doesn't know what to say, so he keeps quiet.

As the three of them wait in silence, Hinata falls asleep again, her head lolling until it presses against Naruto's cheek. He can smell the ocean in her hair. He subconsciously leans back into her; physical contact is not something he gets often, but having it now is an odd sort of comfort, even if it's in the strange girl who turns red at various times of the day. Everyone is warm. Everyone has a heartbeat. Everyone is important.

And eventually, he falls asleep too.

—

Naruto doesn't talk about it—and he tries his best not to think about it either—but, he supposes, it's only natural that one remembers from time to time how his parents died.

It happened when he was so young that he doesn't even remember firsthand, but his aunt said that it was a drunk driver. And Naruto grew up with a lot of bitterness and resentment—that because of one person's careless mistake, the thought to even get behind the wheel when they are clearly impaired—has always made him more determined not to many any stupid mistakes himself, to always be wary of others, to never put someone's life before his own desires. He will not be the person to tear someone else's entire world apart.

Growing up with no parents is hard. His aunt is good enough, but she's never been the warm, family type of person. She never wanted kids. He always wondered what it'd be like if he had a mom and dad like the rest of the kids, to go to the park and have picnics together, to—

Part of the reason why he's constantly screaming at the world is to out-scream all of the voices inside his own head.

But he did that today. He made a stupid mistake. And as he sleeps, he has faint dreams of screeching tires, flying debris, and melting flesh.

—

It's Hinata's gentle hands on his knees that wake him up. "The rescue team is here," he vaguely registers her saying softly in his ear. "Wake up."

His eyes open with difficulty, and he wonders if he was crying in his sleep. He can't remember what he dreamt about. "Rescue team?" Oh, right. He and Hinata nearly drowned to death and were only saved because Shikamaru is a quick thinker. Naruto forgot for a moment there.

Two people wearing life jackets, a man and a woman, help him and Hinata to their feet, and give each of them a life jacket to wear as well. "Don't worry," the woman says, "you're in safe hands now."

Shikamaru is already in the motorboat prepared. The bags underneath his eyes are darker than usual; he looks like death. "You okay?" Naruto asks him in a low voice when he slides beside him.

"Yeah," he says. "Just tired."

It's still raining lightly when they speed back to shore, icy droplets combined with cold wind. Everyone is quiet, absorbed in their own thoughts.

The others are waiting with the life guard when the boat touches the sandy beach. They rush towards them, various expressions of worry written all over their features. "Thank God," Ino says on the verge of tears, rushing towards Shikamaru and pulling him into her arms. "We all thought you died or something!"

_We almost did,_ Naruto wants to say, but he decides that he's worried everyone enough for one day.

So he pastes a smile on, and says instead, "A little water can't hurt us! Ino, you must think really little of us!"

Neji is talking to Hinata in a hushed voice, and Sakura and Sasuke crowd around Naruto. Sakura's green eyes are wide and glassy. "Don't scare us like that!" she exclaims with a shaky laugh, lightly punching his arm.

He grins. "My bad. We found a cool cave to hang out in, though."

When Sakura steps away to check on Hinata, Sasuke asks in a low voice—low and knowing, always knowing—"What really happened out there?"

Naruto has never expected anything to get past Sasuke, so in those brief moments, he allows his smile to fade from his lips. "Shikamaru needed to perform CPR on both me and Hinata." It might be his imagination, but Sasuke's face goes one shade paler than it already is.

His best friend scoffs, turning away. "Moron."

"Sorry. It really was my bad this time."

"I hate you."

"Sorry." Naruto falls silent, his eyes on his feet. He's probably being overdramatic, but he doesn't want to imagine what would have happened if he and Hinata died, or how it would have affected the others.

The aftermath is anticlimactic; they all return to their respective motel rooms to shower and get cleaned up. Naruto appreciates the hot water on his skin, washing the ocean down the drain. But no matter how long he stands under the hot spray, no matter how much he scrubs, he can't get rid of the regret or the guilt, clinging to him like a second skin, contaminating the very air he breathes. Naruto knows that these are not feelings that are easy to get rid of, but he wonders if they'll ever disappear completely.

They spend the rest of the night in the girls' room, watching late night television channels, playing cards, and eating snacks. The rain continues to fall lightly on the roof until the early hours of the morning—at which point, Shikamaru has passed out on the floor, Hinata is breathing quietly in her bed, and Sakura is nodding off, occasionally tipping onto Ino, until her best friend elbows her in annoyance and she topples over the other way, onto Sasuke. Naruto's eyelids feel heavy and he can't find the energy to move his limbs anymore, but he can't sleep, either. He wonders why.

(_Because if he closes his eyes, the next time he opens them, he might be gasping for air again, on the verge of death._)

"Are you alright?" Neji, who's sitting beside him, asks quietly. His normally impassive voice is now laced with worry. "You're not acting like yourself."

"Just thinking about earlier," Naruto replies, smiling. "I'm still a little shaken up by it."

"It wasn't your fault."

Naruto glances at Neji, surprised that he could say that when Hinata was caught up in that dangerous situation as well. "I never said it was."

"I know. But I thought I'd let you know that it isn't, in case you were thinking it."

Naruto rolls his eyes. "You're such a weirdo. Has anyone told you that?" Neji makes an indignant sound before smacking him with a pillow.

"Why am I even your friend," he mutters, switching his attention to his phone.

"Because I'm awesome," Naruto teases.

He is very, very glad for a friend like Neji.

—

They pack up their bags and return to the train station the next afternoon, the weather just as hot as the day before, before the storm hit. Naruto breathes in the salty air, and allows himself to start anew.

"So, when are we going to do this again?" he shouts cheerfully, and everyone shoots him incredulous looks.

"Let's just go to the pool next time," Sakura suggests, and they all laugh.

The trip back is amicable and enjoyable. Naruto allows himself to shout, make jokes, and laugh to his heart's content—because this is life, and he only gets one chance at it. He knows that now. He isn't going to waste it on moments that could have been, but won't ever be.

"Naruto." Hinata approaches them later when they're back in the city, her cheeks flushed and her eyes staring determinedly somewhere over his shoulder. "I just...I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. For keeping me warm."

The smile that blossoms on his face is unexpected, even to him. "It totally wasn't a problem, Hinata. I was cold too!"

Hinata's voice is gentle, so unlike Sakura's or Ino's. "I just wanted to thank you anyway."

He slaps her on the back and laughs. "You're welcome."

"What are you doing," Neji says, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. "Abusing my cousin?"

"What the hell, dude! You say that every time I touch her!"

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, a lighthearted summer fic this turned out to be. The future chapters should somehow balance this one out—well, hopefully, anyway. Who knows what else is in store for these guys. :D

Thank you for your reviews last chapter! That seemed to be the most well-received one yet.


	5. one day we'll get it right

**one day we'll get it right (august)**

—

Before anyone makes any assumptions about him, Neji wants to make something very, very clear. He—

"What's up, dude! Just dropping by since we haven't seen you in _ages_—"

—hates—

"Well, also the fact that you've probably finished all your summer homework and some of us haven't even started yet—"

—his—

"We're coming in!"

—friends.

It is a peaceful August afternoon (one week before school starts again, which is typical for any of these idiots) when he finds everyone at his door, schoolbags slung over their shoulders and textbooks gathered up in their arms. Neji shouldn't be surprised—he really shouldn't. This happens just about every year, and he still doesn't properly mentally prepare himself—

"I," he says, doing his best not to shout, "am not someone to copy your summer homework off of. Now get out."

Ino pats him on the back, sympathetically. Neji's eye twitches. "We just need to be around you to feel like we can do our homework. The only person that's actually going to copy anything is Naruto, and you know it."

"Hey! That's not true!"

With all the ruckus, Hinata has wandered down to the living room. "You guys! What are you doing here?"

"Hinata!" Naruto leaps towards her and pulls her into a bear hug. Neji looks away because he might actually behead Naruto if he watches for a moment longer. "I hate your cousin. _You'll_ let me copy your summer homework, won't you?"

Hinata carefully removes herself from his clutches, and says with that endless patience of hers, "If you don't do it yourself, you won't learn."

"But—"

"When we're all continuing with our futures, you'll have to redo this year. Do you want that?"

Naruto recedes, looking like a kicked puppy. "No…"

Neji blinks. Since when did Hinata speak so confidently around him?

She smiles. "I'll help you, but you have to do it yourself." Naruto grumbles and grouses but agrees (Neji is astounded), and shuffles over to the coffee table in the middle of the living room, where Shikamaru has already made space for himself. Neji finally concedes as well—there is no way to get these idiots out of his house unless he physically carries each of them and throws them out the window.

"I'll make some tea," Hinata says, and quickly rushes off to the kitchen. The rest of the peasants move to settle down around the coffee table as well. Neji sighs.

"Give me your energy and desire to do well in school," Shikamaru says when Neji sits down beside him on the plush carpet.

"Or," he suggests, "you can just find your own." It's Neji's life goal to make Shikamaru have the same motivation as the average person. (Clearly, he's been unsuccessful thus far.)

"Nah," the other boy says, waving it off. "Can't bother to find it myself."

Sasuke and Sakura are being civilized individuals and doing their work (Neji would invite them over for study sessions any day), but everyone else is creating utter chaos. Ino and Naruto are shouting incessantly at each other, Hinata is trying to calm them down while precariously holding a tray of tea in her hands (Neji quickly stands to take it from her in case it spills on everyone and gives them first degree burns), and Shikamaru, the bastard, doesn't do anything to stop them. He sits there, staring blankly at the empty sheets in front of him, as if waiting for a higher power to give him the strength to move his pencil across the paper.

Neji will repeat it as many times as he has to for people to understand. He hates his friends.

—

The thing about summer homework is that it's supposed to be done over the course of the summer break. Summer break is two months long; after twelve years of schooling, anyone should realize that its homework should be done in small increments over those two months.

How it should not be done, is all in one day, less than a week before school starts again. (Over the course of his years, Neji has wondered why he doesn't just find smarter friends.)

They are all still in his living room, several hours later, when the sun is beginning to set. His uncle is making dinner in the kitchen (he's long since accepted that this is an annual ritual), and Hinata is curled up on the couch, reading a book because she's already finished her homework. She's adopted Neji's good habits, bless her.

Sakura is still working quietly. Sasuke is taking a break and playing Temple Run on his phone. Shikamaru is asleep. Ino has her hair tied in in a messy bun, and Naruto has his head buried in his hands.

"Neji," Sakura says suddenly, addressing him for the first time since she greeted him when she first entered his house. "Do you think you can help me with this Japanese question?"

"Sure," he replies, maneuvering himself so he can see the pages of her notebook. Sasuke shifts to make room for him, his eyes never once leaving his phone.

"For the record," she says, "I did do all of the homework. I only put Japanese off because I knew we'd be here sooner or later, and it's my weakest subject."

"You don't need to justify yourself to me," Neji tells her. "You're the one who kicked me out of first place in terms of marks."

Sakura laughs, sheepishly. "I don't think I've ever apologized for that."

He resists the urge to roll his eyes. "Why do you need to apologize for being smart?"

"I don't know. Because it hurt your pride?"

"Don't flirt with Neji, Sakura," Naruto interrupts. "It's creepy."

"I'm not _flirting_," she says indignantly, throwing an eraser at him. It hits him right in the face. Neji tries not to snort, and fails miserably. "I'm being a decent human being."

"He's right, though," Ino joins in. "It's creepy."

"Does Neji even have hormones?" Sasuke asks, throwing his phone down a moment later in frustration.

A rush of blood reaches Neji's cheeks in embarrassment. "Would you guys shut up," he hisses. "That is irrelevant to _everything_. And I'm not interested in Sakura." Sakura glances at him with her eyebrows slightly raised. "I mean—romantically, I'm not interested in you romantically—" Naruto bursts into laughter, and Neji looks down to hide his face.

"Well," Sakura sighs, "it was worth a shot. I've liked you for ages." Neji's head shoots up again to stare at her, wide-eyed. "That was a joke, Neji. Calm down."

Neji doesn't understand how Sakura can put him through this kind of torture and still expect him to help with her Japanese homework.

For the record, he really doesn't like her romantically. He's never even thought of it. And it's not because he doesn't have hormones; he just isn't interested in that right now. He especially can't afford it this year—not when entrance exams are coming up, when his future is determined in these few crucial months.

_Isn't that equivalent to having no hormones?_ a voice inside his head asks. He scowls.

Regardless, though, he still leans over to see the question she's stuck on, and explains it to her. Because he's a good person.

"Oh," she says, a little dazedly, when she finally understands. "That makes sense. _God_, why is Japanese so complicated?"

"Says the English speaker," Neji says wryly.

"It's the international language!" Sakura argues.

"That doesn't change the fact that it's just a conglomeration of other languages, which makes grammar and pronunciation rules null when there are so many exceptions." Sakura laughs at this and sticks out her tongue.

"That's just something you and the rest of the world have to deal with." Her eyes, so green, sparkle.

A pencil goes flying and nearly stabs Neji in the eye.

The perpetrator (Naruto, what a surprise) doesn't even notice where he's thrown his pencil because he's leaned back on the couch behind him. "I give up. It's futile."

Who decided to do their homework last minute, huh?

"Dinner's ready," Neji's uncle says a moment later, shuffling into the living room carrying a large tray of several bowls. Hinata scrambles off of the couch to help him, and everyone moves their books off the coffee table for the time being.

Neji's uncle is not the most elaborate of cooks, so there is only miso soup and onigiri. Everyone thanks him heartily as they take the bowls and plates that Hinata passes out, and dig in. Anything tastes good after several hours of torture.

Neji wonders if this is it. If there's never going to be more than this.

(_And he thinks to himself, momentarily, it would be okay even if there isn't._)

He doesn't want a lot. He just wants to succeed in his studies and establish a good career like he's always been destined to do; have good friends and good family, and that's about it. That's all he ever wants, and all he remembers ever wanting. Just to be able to control his own life and to see the fruits of his hard work.

And as he watches his friends drop food onto his carpet, he accepts that it probably won't happen anytime soon.

"Hinata, do you guys have any drinks?"

"We have tea," Hinata answers Ino. "And water."

Ino blinks. "I see…"

Sighing, Neji stands up from the coffee table. "I'll go pick something up. I should've expected that helping you with your homework and feeding you wouldn't be enough for you guys."

"Neji, but what about your dinner?"

"I'm done, Hinata. I trust that you can keep the house from burning down while I'm gone?"

"Yeah."

Sakura shouts something that Neji can't make out, because her mouth is full of onigiri. "Wait," he manages to make out, and he watches as she comically tries to stuff the rest of her food into her mouth and struggles to her feet, nearly tripping over Sasuke in the process. "I'll come with you," she finally says. "If that's okay. I need a breather."

Neji raises his eyebrows, perplexed, but doesn't refuse. "Sure. I don't mind."

"No flirting, Sakura!" Ino calls out as they leave through the front door together. Naruto lets out a loud wolf whistle as well. He's lucky that he isn't within close proximity of Neji, because he would have been throttled otherwise.

It's late, but the sun is just beginning to set. Neji and Sakura walk in an amicable silence down the road towards the nearby convenience store. Sakura is humming something underneath her breath, slightly off tune.

"What kind of music do you listen to?" Neji asks, just for the sake of conversation. He's known Sakura for a while, but doesn't particularly know much about her.

"Lots of stuff! But hm, I guess…rock?"

He blinks. "Rock."

"Yeah. But American bands, so you've probably never heard of them."

"Rock," he repeats again.

"What's wrong with rock?"

"Nothing. It's just…I didn't expect you to like rock."

Sakura laughs. "Don't judge a book by its cover. Just because I'm all pink doesn't mean anything. _You_, on the other hand…let me guess, classical music?"

He bristles. She's right on the dot. "There is nothing wrong with classical music."

"I know! I listen to a bit myself. No need to get defensive about it, it's not like I'll laugh at you like Ino will, or something." They turn the corner, and the convenience store comes into view. "But I don't really listen to a lot anymore; it was more of when I was little, and my parents made me take piano."

The subject is dropped when they enter the convenience store, and they head straight for the drinks section. Playing quietly in the background is the latest hit that's been playing on the radio—and Neji only recognizes it because he listens to the radio every morning for news and the like. He grabs Sasuke's tea, Shikamaru's juice, Naruto's soda, and a few energy drinks just to be safe.

He jumps when Sakura peers over his shoulder to look at what he has in the basket in his hand. She whistles. "You know exactly what everyone drinks, huh."

"It's hard not to. They've been drinking the same thing for years."

"You always act like you hate them, but you've pretty observant, aren't you," she snickers.

"Not observant," he denies indignantly. "You'd be an idiot to hang out with them for all that time and _not_ know what they drink."

"Well, in that case, add this to the list." Sakura tosses a few things into the basket. "Banana milk for me. Fruit punch for Ino. And Hinata's the same as Sasuke, she likes chrysanthemum tea."

That information goes in one ear and out the other. "How about this. I remember the guys' drinks, and you remember the girls'?"

"Does that make us errand buddies, then?"

"Don't talk like we're gophers, Sakura."

"But that's what we are," she points out. "Gophers."

To succeed in life, to work hard, and to occasionally exchange agreeable conversations with people like Sakura—that is a nice life to live. Neji doesn't mind, if this is all there is.

They chat the entire way back, walking together at a comfortable pace. The sun is warm on Neji's skin. It strikes him how easy this is, to talk to a girl. Whenever he talks to Naruto, he ends up being really irritated, and conversations with Sasuke or Shikamaru tend to dissolve into silence. But with Sakura, it doesn't fall quiet and he's not frustrated either. It's the strangest thing. He can't imagine that all girls are like this—are they?

He'll need to look into it.

When they return, the television is on and Naruto and Ino are screaming at the screen.

"They said they couldn't function and do work without their drinks," Sasuke explains at Neji's subtly baffled expression.

On a supposedly calm August day that Neji planned on spending reading, he finds himself playing gopher for a bunch of uncultured baboons who are making a complete ruckus in his home, having Hinata trying to calm everyone down and his uncle somewhere else in the house, he's sure, doing his best to ignore the chaos.

Neji—

"Hey, what are you doing? Turn the TV back on!"

—hates—

"Ow! What was that for?"

—his friends.

—

Quiet snores permeate throughout the entire house. Neji stands in his living room, at a loss for what to do.

"Let's leave them be," HInata suggests softly.

"What? Nonsense—"

"It's late, and who has the strength to lug them home anyways?"

He stares at Naruto and Shikamaru's sleeping forms, occupying both of his couches. The others, fortunately conscious and cleaning up their belongings, are getting ready to head home. It's past midnight.

"Take them home," Neji implores Sasuke. "Please."

Sasuke snorts. "Like hell I will. Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow morning."

He frowns. "Try to refrain yourself, as you won't be needed then."

"Tch."

Ino and Sasuke leave with few goodbyes, but Sakura lingers for a moment to thank Neji and Hinata for having them today. She's the only one with any manners, apparently.

"You're welcome again anytime," Hinata offers with a smile, and Neji subconsciously nods in agreement. "Homework doesn't have to be the reason—even to just hang out. It'd be fun. Right, Neji?"

"Uh," he struggles. "Yeah."

Sakura laughs. "Let me know when you have time! We'll definitely arrange something. And Neji, you can show me your music collection."

"I wouldn't dare intrude on your time with Hinata."

She raises an eyebrow. "We're friends too, you know. The fact that I'm a girl doesn't change anything."

"It doesn't?" This slips from his mouth unintentionally, and Neji curses himself. He blames it on how late it is; he's exhausted. (But really. It doesn't?)

"What are we, in kindergarten?" Sakura shakes her head. "Anyway, I'll see you guys around."

Neji watches blearily as Hinata waves to Sakura, who walks backwards down their walkway and nearly trips in the process. When the door finally closes, Hinata says to him, "It seems like you've taken a liking to Sakura."

"What?" he sputters. "Don't be _ridiculous_, Hinata."

"No, I mean—" His cousin giggles, but Neji honestly does not see anything remotely amusing about the situation. He does not _like_ Sakura—is that what one day of talking to her has everyone thinking? "I just mean that you like her as a friend. You don't seem to care much for girls, so I thought it was a nice change."

Oh. "I care about you," he says, miffed.

"I don't think I count." The smile still lingers on Hinata's lips as she turns and walks away, back into the living room to pick up the empty cups of tea and juice boxes. "Go to bed, Neji. You're tired. I'll clean up the rest here."

"Are you sure? I can help—"

"You've been stressed all day. It's okay." She brings the cups into the kitchen.

Many times, Hinata acts like the mother that neither of them had. In a house with just them and Neji's uncle, it sometimes felt like they were missing something in the whole parenting process—some sort of warmth, some sort of love, some sort of everyday laughter that everyone else takes for granted. Somewhere along the way, Hinata took on the responsibility, being the only girl in the household—and Neji, being a boy, will never be able to fully comprehend how to share that responsibility the way he feels he should.

People always make fun of how overprotective he is of Hinata, but really, could he be anything but?

When he's changed into his pajamas and popped back downstairs to check on her, she's brought out the extra blankets from the closet. The living room is clean and one blanket is already draped over Shikamaru—Hinata tucks the second around Naruto, a faint smile on her lips.

Neji can still be overprotective now, but he supposes he can't be overprotective forever. Even though he doesn't want to, he forces himself to turn away and pad down the hallway. That isn't something he should watch.

Today is over, and he doesn't have any energy left to hate anyone. Which might be for the better—hating people takes far too much effort, compared to just liking them.

* * *

**A/N:** An easy chapter (and some NejiSaku, to boot!) to ease out everything that happened in the last two chapters.

I'm going to be in various places in Europe these coming two weeks, so I'll try to get the next two chapters out on time, but I don't know how the internet is going to be. So if that's the case, consider this a little intermission for you guys to find something better to read!


	6. quietly whispering

**quietly whispering (september)**

—

It's a breezy autumn afternoon when Neji meets Shikamaru in the shopping district.

"This couldn't have been done before school started again?" Neji asks.

Shikamaru shrugs. "You know how I am."

"Unfortunately. And this couldn't have been done without me?"

"Well," Shikamaru smirks lazily, "I hate to suffer alone."

It's a breezy autumn afternoon when Neji meets Shikamaru in the shopping district, under the impression that he actually has to help him find a birthday present. For a girl. And even though Neji is one of the smartest students in their year, he knows how hopeless he is with girls.

"You should've asked Sasuke," he grumbles.

"I could have, but there's no guarantee if Naruto would have tagged along if that were the case."

"I suppose that's true."

It could either be seen as a coincidence or oddly beautiful, but Shikamaru and Ino, who are childhood friends, were born one day after another. They don't talk often but Neji knows, because he is far too observant for his own good, how close they really are. They know each other and react to each other like they've been practicing diligently for years.

So logically, one would think that Shikamaru would know by now what to get Ino for her birthday. Apparently not.

"She always gets me the most annoying things," Shikamaru drawls. "Last year, she got me a wallet and then bitched at me because she never saw me use it. I'm not going to throw out my current one when it's still usable."

"If you know what makes her happy, why don't you just appease her?"

He smirks. "It'd be no fun that way."

Neji laughs softly. "Sadist."

"Hey, you would too, if given the chance."

A chilly breeze sweeps past them, and Neji pulls his jacket tighter around himself. "Well, if we're going to be here a while, let's at least look for a gift indoors. Do you have an idea of what to get her, at least?"

Shikamaru locks his hands behind his head. "I was planning to just walk around and hope for inspiration to strike, to be honest."

_We'll be here all day then, you moron._

"We're going to sit," Neji instructs as he walks them to a nearby bench. "And you are going to think about possible gift ideas before we even begin looking."

"Tch. Boring." From his pocket, Shikamaru pulls out a folded slip of paper. "I figured you'd say something like that. Here." He hands the paper to Neji.

"Jewelry, perfume, lots of gift cards to girly shops," he reads out loud. "I may be wrong, but haven't these ideas already been exhausted in the past?"

"Does that matter? Trends change. Every year is different."

Neji sniffs indignantly. "Well, let's not waste any more time here."

"Do you think it'd be funny if I bought her lingerie? Two sizes too big?"

"I think that'd be offensive—and you can't purposely buy two sizes too big unless you know her actual size."

"That's easy to tell for anyone who looks. Oh, stop being a prude, Neji. It's embarrassing."

—

"What are we doing in here," Neji hisses, the tips of his ears as hot in a blush as he is absolutely humiliated. "What if someone we know sees us? I'd much rather wait outside—"

"I honestly can't believe you're a year older than the rest of us. You act like you're five. Actually, even a five-year-old would be better." With a wicked grin on his face, Shikamaru holds up a—Neji blanches—bright pink and lacy bra. "Do you think Ino would like this one?"

"I wouldn't know, _idiot_."

"Stop being such a killjoy." Shikamaru moves to the next display, ignoring some of the girls who pass by and giggle at him and Neji. "Did you know some bras are made to make girls' boobs look bigger?"

"I don't _care_, Shikamaru!" He shouldn't have come out today. Neji knew he shouldn't have come out today—it's already strange enough that Shikamaru would even put forth the effort to make arrangements with people and actually leave the house of his own accord. This is what Neji gets for being kind.

He spends the next several minutes stalking angrily throughout the store, with Shikamaru following him, a pair of bright purple panties in his hand.

"Why don't you get something for Hinata while you're here, Neji? You might as well not make a second trip."

"Hinata's birthday isn't until December, you imbecile. And I don't need to get her such inappropriate gifts." After all, his cousin has always appreciated the books and stationary that he gets her every year. Those, in his humble opinion, are practical gifts. They are proper gifts, unlike what Shikamaru is currently indulging himself in.

Shikamaru tosses the purple panties at Neji, who tries to dodge it—he fails, and it ends up landing on his shoulder. Neji is stuck between getting it off of himself as quickly as possible, and not wanting to touch it. He's frozen for a long moment, before he gingerly plucks it from his shoulder with as much dignity as possible, and drops it onto a nearby display of cotton bras.

"Could that stick up your ass get any deeper?" Shikamaru wonders aloud, and Neji glares, venomously.

He hates his friends. He truly, completely, and utterly hates his friends.

—

If he remembers correctly, he came to know Shikamaru, Sasuke, and Naruto through an unfortunate accident during the Culture Festival a few years back. It is not a fond memory, but it's the one that started it all, he supposes.

Neji can't blame anyone but himself for his own kindness and not being able to shove people away. But then again, maybe he didn't want to shove them away. He often shares the same sentiments as Sasuke: he hates them, but maybe he doesn't hate them all the time.

Apparently, that's what friends do. Annoy the shit out of each other, and stick around anyway.

Why can't life be a little simpler?

His stomach begins growling while Shikamaru is hopelessly flipping through some CDs at the record store. How long have they been doing this for?

"Sorry, I kept you out for way longer than I thought I would," Shikamaru says, turning away from the CDs because Neji's stomach was loud enough to wake a beast. "Let's grab something to eat."

Neji fights the smirk off his lips, and feigns a scowl instead. "I don't assume you'll treat me?"

"Nah, man, I wish I could. If past experience is anything to go by, the present I get for Ino will suck my wallet dry."

"My sincerest condolences."

Shikamaru is agreeable on most days, if not just a touch arrogant. Neji really doesn't mind tagging along with him to shop for Ino as much as he says he does, as long as they stay away from lingerie. They make their way to the food court in amicable silence, because poor high school kids are only able to afford food from there.

"You know," Neji says lightly, although this may not be considered a light topic of conversation, "you've been a little different ever since the day at the beach."

"Have I?" Shikamaru drawls, intentionally sounding careless, but Neji's known him for long enough to know that he's hiding something.

"Hinata told me what happened." Shikamaru falls eerily silent at his words. "The others don't know, do they? That she and Naruto nearly drowned."

"It's not really something to brag about," Shikamaru mutters.

Once they reach the food court, they meander off to buy their respective meals. Neji goes for something light, as he often does—they meet up at one of the empty tables, Shikamaru sporting a burger and large drink. Stress eating, Neji presumes—or the fact that when he goes out, he doesn't have to eat leftovers from the night before.

They eat in silence, but Neji glances at Shikamaru once in a while. Shikamaru's eyes are unusually downcast; Neji hasn't seen him like this since their beach outing.

Neji can't even begin to describe his fear from that day. When the storm rolled in and Shikamaru, Hinata, and Naruto disappeared from sight—when the life guard issued the warning for everyone to return to shore, and everyone did except for those three—Neji can't put into words the fear that gripped his heart, along with everyone else's. Not only fear for Hinata, who he loves so dearly, but also Shikamaru and Naruto, who may be insufferable at times, but are precious friends to him.

Neji didn't know how much he cared about all of them until that day.

He was angry at them for being so irresponsible and not returning to shore when instructed to, for putting everyone else through all of that emotional turmoil, but after Hinata told him what happened, perhaps they didn't have it so bad.

Perhaps Shikamaru had it worse.

"Are you okay?" he cautions, carefully watching Shikamaru for any sort of reaction.

He glances up from his food. "I'm fine. Just tired."

_I'm fine. Just tired._ That's what he always says.

"I'm sure it was a tough experience. If you ever want to talk about it, you know I'm here, right?" Neji doesn't believe that Shikamaru will approach anyone with his problems, but it's worth the offer. Maybe one day, Shikamaru really will need someone, and by then, everyone will have already given up on him. Neji is determined not to be that person.

Shikamaru's movements still, and he stares at his half eaten burger in his hands. Then he puts it down, seemingly having lost his appetite. "They weren't breathing, Neji. Neither of them were breathing."

"But then they did," he says. "Because you saved them."

"It was…" Shikamaru sucks in a breath, thin and shaky. "Terrifying. The scariest minutes of my life."

"Thank you for saving them." Neji clears his throat. "Thank you for saving Hinata." This conversation should be about Shikamaru, he knows, and not his own gratitude towards Shikamaru having the worst day anyone could ever experience, but he has to get it out there. Shikamaru breathed life back into his dear cousin; Neji will forever be in his debt.

Shikamaru shakes his head. "It's no big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal. Stop making everything less important than it really is." Neji frowns. "Your façade is not as perfect as you think it is, you know."

He glances at Neji warily. "What do you mean?"

"You're not useless like you think you are. The things you do should be acknowledged once in a while."

Shikamaru looks worn and tired. "Neji, stop trying to swoop in like some hero to save the day."

"I'm not. I'm just stating the truth."

"Saving Hinata and Naruto had nothing to do with being brave. It was about my fear of failing like the way I fail at so many other things."

Neji's eyes soften as he stares at his friend, unable to find the right words to say. There has always been a wall around Shikamaru, even when they first met. Neji has tried, on several occasions, to knock them down, or even slip past those defenses, but all attempts were futile.

If Neji is someone's friend, he wants to do a good job at it. But with Shikamaru, it's hard. Naruto is painfully easy to open up, and Sasuke lets him in sometimes, too—but Shikamaru? Shikamaru is impenetrable.

"But you did do the right thing, fear or not," he says quietly, even though he knows Shikamaru won't listen. "So just. Thank you."

"Yeah, whatever." Shikamaru shoves another bite of hamburger into his mouth.

It becomes quiet again, and Neji returns to his food.

—

"You were out late," Hinata comments when he returns home, toeing off his shoes. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah." Neji rolls his shoulders, hearing a few cracks. "I had to help Shikamaru pick out a birthday present for Ino."

"Oh, it's their birthdays soon, isn't it? I should get something for them too…"

"Don't bother for Shikamaru. He genuinely does not care. What are you thinking of getting Ino?"

"I'm not sure yet." Hinata tilts her head a little, a habit since long ago that unconsciously happens whenever she's deep in thought. "Maybe a new memory card? You know how she likes photography, right? I can't buy a camera for her, but maybe a few memory cards would be good…"

"Maybe. I've never exchanged more than a few words with Ino, so I wouldn't know."

"What did Shikamaru get her?"

"He didn't decide on anything yet. He said he'd try again tomorrow, but I didn't have to bother keeping him company."

Hinata laughs quietly, raising a hand to hide her mouth. "They're always like that, aren't they? Bickering and yelling. But sometimes, Shikamaru walks her home after school. I've seen them. It's a nice friendship, I think."

Neji has never seen that side of Shikamaru and Ino's relationship, but if what Hinata says is true, then he's glad. Shikamaru needs someone like Ino in his life. With any luck, he lets her in the way he doesn't let anyone else in. With any luck, she's the pillar he can lean on whenever he needs it.

He smirks slightly. "Instead of thinking about other people, why don't you work on improving your own friendship with Naruto?"

At the mention of Naruto's name, Hinata immediately turns beet red. "W-What?" she stutters, rushing to the kitchen and boiling some water to make tea. "I don't know what you're talking about, Neji."

He laughs quietly under his breath. "Don't bother making a cup for me. I'm going to shower." Without another word, he pads through the living room and up the stairs.

The sun is setting now, casting a warm glow through his window onto his bed. Neji's room is impeccably tidy (freakishly clean, Naruto had said the first time he stepped foot in there). His school uniform hangs neatly on the wall by his closet, which houses the rest of his clothes. His pajamas are folded atop his pillow of his bed that he makes daily, and his notebooks and textbooks are stacked perfectly on top of each other on his desk.

If Neji is anything, he is diligent.

It takes him a few moments to realize how sombre he's feeling tonight. It must be Shikamaru; he normally doesn't feel this way. Neji shakes his head, trying to rid himself of this feeling.

Is it bad that he's too invested in his friends? Probably. Especially in the friends who don't want him poking around in things that aren't his business.

But Neji believes—that one day, Shikamaru's going to need him. Or Naruto is going to need him. Or Sasuke. And Neji might be quiet most of the time, and he might look down on them most of the time, but he will always be there for them.

And he really, really hopes they know that.

* * *

**A/N:** I promised to do my best to respond to reviews and I stopped doing that after two chapters. I swear, I'm trying. I yell at myself for it every day. I've spent too many years reading your reviews but never interacting with you guys, which in retrospect, sometimes feels a little negligent. I AM TRYING, I PROMISE.

Two Neji chapters in a row because Neji is dead so you should cut him some slack.


	7. what's happiness, anyway?

**what's happiness, anyway? (october)**

—

"Sasuke? Here's the summary of our spendings for the Culture Festival."

Sakura approaches him one afternoon during a study period to hand him a sheet of paper. He takes it and skims over the numbers, barely registering a thing, but once his eyes reach the grand total at the bottom—

"We're way over our budget."

Sakura laughs sheepishly. "Um, yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about…"

"Shino was supposed to handle this. Where is he?"

"I don't know. I saw him a while ago. He must have slipped out."

Irritation begins to burn in the pit of Sasuke's stomach. He runs a hand through his hair, wondering how the hell they're going to make up for the deficit. Just for a simple café, they've spent too much on fabric for costumes, food ingredients, and tableware. Sasuke _told_ them they could use stuff from the cafeteria as long as they got to it first since so many other classes are also doing cafés, but apparently, theirs has to be _chic_ and _modern_ and not grungy, Sasuke, you have to think of the wellbeing of our class!

Okay, so what are they going to do, now that they've spent twenty thousand yen that they can't afford?

"This is an issue," Sakura murmurs, clearly troubled. "This is just a progress report—since the festival is next month, who knows how much more is going to be spent by then."

Sasuke tries very hard not to crumple up the sheet of paper in his hands. This is why he didn't want to be class president in the first place.

He's going to kill Naruto.

—

"How's your class coming along for the festival?" Shikamaru asks Naruto and Neji over lunch in the bleachers. (Sasuke irritably eats his sandwich.)

"Good, I think," Neji says with a hint of pride. "I was a little worried about the budgeting, but Hinata is great at managing the money." Their class is doing a play—which Sasuke honestly thought would be harder on their expenses than a café would be, but _apparently not_—and every time he pops his head in, he sees people painting promotional banners and posters, sowing costumes, making props, and running after school rehearsals. Neji turns to Sasuke and Shikamaru. "How's your café?"

Shikamaru shrugs carelessly. "I don't know. I'm just one of the cashiers, so all I do is collect the money. Easy enough for me."

"I'll tell you how it is," Sasuke says shortly. "Our treasurer is easily provoked into allowing people to spend more than we can afford. Said treasurer is also currently nowhere to be found."

"Shino?" Neji asks. "I saw him in the teacher's lounge earlier. I don't know what he was doing there, though."

"What were _you_ doing in the teacher's lounge?" Naruto mutters suspiciously.

Neji straightens up, offended. "Student council business. I'm sure you know Sasuke goes there often as well."

Naruto sends a questioning glance towards Sasuke, but he's already pulled out his phone and opened Temple Run to relieve his stress and anger.

What is he going to do about their deficit?

He scowls as he runs into a tree.

—

The next morning, Sasuke catches Shino right before gym class. "Can I have a word?"

Seemingly unperturbed, Shino nods, and they enter the locker room together. It's already crowded and smelly from the class before theirs, and they have to reach a secluded spot before they can find some free lockers.

"Sakura showed me our budget summary for the Culture Festival," Sasuke says. "Do you realize our class has already spent twenty thousand yen more than we're allowed to?"

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Shino says, "In total, there are three cafés at the festival this year. Cafés are an overused idea every year, so the question is, how do we make ours stand out compare to the others, and the previous cafés as well? The answer is to do what other cafés have never done before."

…_That doesn't change the fact that we've spent way more than we can afford…_

"I talked to the teachers about it yesterday after I realized the deficit." Shino turns away to pull off his shirt, changing into his gym clothes. "They said to make up for the money, our class can do a fundraiser."

Sasuke's irritation begins to simmer down. At least Shino isn't as irresponsible as he lets on. "So what's the fundraiser going to be?"

"Hm?" Shino pauses. "I don't know. Aren't you and Sakura going to decide that? I'll handle the finances, like the treasurer is supposed to."

What was that about his irritation simmering down?

This just means all the work is shoved onto Sasuke and Sakura, isn't it? All the president and vice president do is clean up everyone else's messes. Sasuke fists his gym shirt in his hand, determined to not yell at Shino—at least, not in a place where other people can see. It'll ruin his reputation.

Sasuke doesn't exchange another word with him, and after he changes, he slams his locker door shut and stalks off.

"What's got your panties tied in a knot?" Shikamaru asks him when Sasuke brushes past him without a word. "Sasuke?" Sasuke stomps out of the locker room and into the gym, where some people are already stretching.

His eyes sweep the room for the blob of pink, and once he does, he makes his way over to Sakura, who's with Ino and Hinata.

"Shino said our class is going to have to do a fundraiser to make up for the deficit."

"Oh." She steps away from the other girls to speak to him properly. "Not that I mind, but what are we going to do?"

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "That's our job to decide, apparently. The treasurer has no say in the matter."

"…Oh." She crosses her arms, a small frown on her lips. It's a habit of hers, Sasuke's noticed—to frown whenever she's thinking hard. There's a small ripple of frustration too, in the green of her eyes—something else that he recognizes, but doesn't see often. That frustration stays lodged in her expression as she thinks. "I don't know how popular this is in Japan, but we could do a…you know, a…" She struggles to find the word, but can't, so she says it in English—which more or less has Sasuke staring at her blankly. "One of those things where you have a bunch of cookies and cupcakes and stuff, and you sell them."

"Oh, a bake sale?"

She snaps her fingers, and her frustration disappears. "Yes, a bake sale!" She laughs, and Sasuke wonders how she can so easily let go of her anger. "Do you think that's doable?"

Sasuke thinks for a moment. "No one really bakes at home since so many cafés and bakeries do it already, but I think it'd be a fresh idea that would bring people in. Sure, why not?"

Sakura claps her hands together, a grin blooming on her face. "Great! Let Shino know that he's not needed, because this won't cost a single yen. We'll just need an area to set things up, and a few tables and chairs. We'll do everything else."

"We?" Sasuke echoes, not liking the sound of this at all.

"Of course, we. And if not we, then just you, because you're the class president. At the end of the day, you're the one who should be working the hardest." When he frowns, she presses her thumb to his forehead and rubs in firm circles. "Stop that. You're going to get severe wrinkles at the age of twenty."

He swats her hand away, although with no real malice. She does it a lot anyway—he's gotten used to it. "Don't decide my life for me. Maybe I want severe wrinkles at the age of twenty."

Sakura snorts, and then laughs, like she sometimes does. She's one of the few who actually laughs at his humor, even though Naruto has told him on several occasions that he's not funny at all. But Sakura laughs every time. "Weirdo," she tells him fondly.

He has a retort at the tip of his tongue, but at that precise moment, their teacher's whistle echoes throughout the gym, and the class is called to attention.

That afternoon, when class is over, Sasuke checks his phone and finds an unread text message.

_I'll run the bake sale idea past the teachers tomorrow. If it's a go, come to my place this weekend—we'll make a bunch of food._

_But I don't even know how to bake,_ Sasuke thinks, and texts back as such.

_Don't worry. I'll teach you. Just like the way you teach me new Japanese words._

Sasuke can't help but smile a little, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

—

He's worked with Sakura as class president and vice president for approximately half a year. In Sasuke's opinion, he's spent a ridiculous number of hours with her, planning and running events, cleaning the classroom, and going to meetings together. It's almost the same as being a business managers, in some ways.

But this—this takes the cake.

No matter how much they've had to do, it's never required either of them to go to each other's homes.

Sakura is up and early on a Saturday morning, a white and yellow floral apron tied around her waist when she greets him at her front door. Sasuke is wearing an old t-shirt and jeans, feeling awkward because technically, he's never spent time alone with her outside of school.

Apparently, she doesn't feel that way, because she greets him with a smile. "Good morning, Sasuke! Have you had breakfast yet? If not, I just finished a fresh batch of muffins, if you're interested."

He steps inside her home, taking a look around. He's never been here before. "You've already started?"

"Well, yeah, of course. There's a lot to do today. We have to make enough under the assumption that the entire school population will buy something."

"And what's our school population?"

Sakura blinks. "What, you don't know? It's three thousand."

Sasuke blanches.

They have to make enough for _three thousand people_?

"There's no way," he says, even as she turns her back and heads to the kitchen. He follows her closely, insistent. "That's impossible."

"_You_ think it's impossible. _I_ think that as long as we work hard today and tomorrow"—today _and _tomorrow?—"everything will be just fine." She tosses something at him, and he almost doesn't catch it. "I just put in the second batch of muffins, but we still need to make more. I'll teach you."

He holds up the item she threw at him, yellow and white and frilly. "This is an apron."

"Wow, your observation skills are really top notch." Was she this snarky when he first met her?

Sakura's kitchen is modest, large enough to fit the kitchen table and the counter spanning two walls. On one of the counters sit steel bowls of different sizes, whisks, measuring cups, and trays. On another counter is all of the ingredients: flour, eggs, milk, sugar, and various color flavorings.

Sasuke is good at many things, but baking is not one of them. He's not even terribly fond of sweets.

As he watches Sakura, she already has her back turned to him, and is measuring the ingredients as she follows the instructions in a small, worn book of recipes. She glances at him over her shoulder. "C'mon, put that on, unless you want to make a mess out of your clothes."

He glances at the apron in his hands once more, shrugs, and puts it on. Naruto's not here to laugh at him anyway.

He turns his back so Sakura can tie it for him, and after she does, they begin to bake.

—

"Ino's told me a few interesting things about you," she says halfway through the morning. Sasuke's arms are tired from kneading and measuring and carrying, and there is flour on both of their faces.

He raises an eyebrow, mixing one of the two bowls of muffin batter. Sakura's mixing the other, like a pro. (Muffins and cupcakes today, she had said—tomorrow, it's brownies and cookies.) "Like what?"

"Like…" She thinks for a moment. "Like apparently, you have this freakish love for Chemistry. And you've never had a girlfriend before in your life. And apart from tea, the only other thing she's seen you drink is tomato juice."

"I've never had more than ten conversations with Ino in my life," he mutters.

"Yeah, well," Sakura laughs, "you don't exactly blend into the crowd, if you know what I mean. Several girls have their eyes on you."

"Does Ino?"

"I don't think so. If you ask me, she's always had a secret thing for Shikamaru. She doesn't talk about her feelings much."

Shikamaru, huh? That doesn't seem like the case, if Sasuke's last conversation with Shikamaru about it was any indication. Sasuke has always had a small inkling about Ino being interested in him instead, but never dwelled too much on it—after all, it's none of his business, really, if she doesn't harass him about it. In general, Sasuke likes her. She's loud, yes, but then again, so is Naruto. Sasuke is used to it.

"I'm not interesting," Sasuke says, stopping his mixing and handing it to her. "Here, I'm done."

Sakura takes one glance at it, and sighs. "Didn't I tell you? It needs to be completely smooth. Don't leave any clumps of flour in there. Also, consistently mix in one direction." Sasuke takes the bowl back, a small frown on his lips. Baking is difficult. "Also, of course you're interesting."

"I'm really not. The only thing Naruto says about me is that I'm too stiff and all I do is play Temple Run."

She laughs. "Naruto's funny."

Sasuke stops his mixing, and glances at her. She didn't deny what Naruto says.

A heartbeat passes. "Sasuke, we're not going to get anywhere if you don't mix properly."

"It's a big bowl of batter," he says as she takes it from him to mix herself. "For a lot of muffins. I get tired."

"My mom does better than you," he tells him, but not unkindly. "It's almost lunchtime. Are you hungry? Grab a muffin, it'll keep you going."

"I don't like muffins."

"You have a choice between chocolate and blueberry, and the raisin ones are on their way too, if you can muster enough energy to mix your batter."

Sasuke turns around to look at the kitchen table, where several dozen muffins sit, not the least bit appetizing. He doesn't mind that the entire kitchen is swimming in the scent of pastries, but to have them for lunch is a bit…

He feels Sakura's hand of reassurance on his shoulder. "We'll put these in the oven, and then make a proper lunch. Okay?"

He nods, grateful. "Okay."

"And then after lunch, it's cupcake time!"

How is today not over yet?

—

"You've lived here all your life, right? Was this place always like this?"

"This neighborhood? Yeah. Although the shopping district used to be smaller, I think. It's expanded quite a bit these last few years."

"I see." Sakira quietly drinks her miso soup. "Japan is so industrialized. Everything just goes up, up, up."

"You don't like it?"

"It's not that, but…" She stares at the plate of their messily made onigiri sitting between them. After a bit of arguing, they had decided with making half of them tuna, and the other half umeboshi. "It's just really crowded here, I guess. It's sometimes hard to breathe. I might go back to America one day."

Sasuke chews thoughtfully, and swallows. "Who's going to split the student council work with me if you're not here?"

She laughs. "You're not going to find a vice president as great as me."

"Yeah, so don't go."

"Is that a challenge, Uchiha Sasuke?" Her eyes twinkle mischievously, a twinkle that he's only seen in her before. Maybe it's the American charm in her, that touch of extroversion and fearlessness that can't be found in many people around here. Sakura may be a wallflower sometimes, but she's never been afraid to speak her mind or talk to new people. There's just something about her, he supposes.

Sasuke avoids her gaze, unsure of where his thoughts are going. "But then again, I won't be class president next year, so it doesn't matter to me where you go."

"Ouch. That hurts."

Against his wishes, a smile twitches at his lips.

"You know what, Sasuke?" Sakura takes a bite out of her onigiri, and chews thoughtfully. "I like you. Despite what others have told me about you before I actually got to know you, I still like you. Quite a bit, actually—it's a little annoying."

An unprecedented blush dusts Sasuke's cheeks, and he hides his face behind his bowl of miso soup. How can she talk like that and not be embarrassed? "Don't say things like that," he mutters, determined to look anywhere but her.

_Yes, I like you too. So what?_

"Why? Are you so stiff that you can't admit to being friends with a girl?"

"Friends?"

"Yeah. What, did you think that was a confession?" Sasuke chances a glance at her, and she stares back at him with frightfully honest eyes. "Well, I suppose it could've been. If you wanted it to be."

Her words leave him teetering on something very foreign and scary, so Sasuke opts for the safer choice, and steps back from it. "Are you finished eating yet? Didn't you say we had to make cupcakes now?"

He could've imagined it, but he sees a touch of disappointment in her features. It disappears in a flash though, and she smiles again. "Yes, cupcakes. That means icing! And sprinkles! Isn't that exciting?"

Sasuke doesn't find it exciting at all, but he finds his heart beating very fast anyway.

—

"Oh, what's this? You smell so good!"

"That's because I was forced to make baked goods all day," Sasuke mutters as his mother hugs him upon returning home. "Is dinner ready?"

"It will be soon. The bath is ready, so if you want, you can go in first."

"It's fine. I'll go later tonight."

"This Sakura that you mentioned," his mother hums, fixing his bangs like she's prone to do even though there's nothing wrong with his bangs, "you spent all day with her. Will I be meeting her soon?"

Sasuke chokes. "She's not my girlfriend."

"Really? If she can deal with you for long periods of time, maybe she should be."

His mother laughs when he glares at her, and returns to the kitchen to finish up dinner. As Sasuke pads up the stairs, he catches a glimpse of his father watching the news in the living room.

"What's this I hear? Little Sasuke has a girlfriend?" His meets his brother at the top of the stairs, his eyebrows raised in feigned surprise.

"She's not my girlfriend, moron," Sasuke shoots at him before disappearing into his room.

This is his family, functioning like clockwork. His mother dotes on him and his father rarely speaks to him and his brother makes fun of him, and Sasuke wouldn't have it any other way. A faint smile lingers at his lips as he closes his door behind him and pulls out his phone.

He goes through his short list of friends, and considers who to ask. Naruto? Absolutely not. Shikamaru—he's trustworthy, but probably wouldn't give the best advice.

Neji? Neji. He even _lives_ with a girl their age. He'll know best.

Sasuke presses the number 3 on his number pad for speed dial for Neji. (1 is for Naruto, 2 for Shikamaru—they're in the order Sasuke met them in, to avoid favoritism and ensure organization. In some ways, he's as OCD as Neji is.)

"Sasuke?" Neji picks up, sounding as calm as ever, if not a little inquiring.

Sasuke clears his throat. "How do you tell if a girl likes you?"

There is a long moment of silence. "Well, one indicator, I suppose, would be if she told you she likes you."

"She sort of did. Maybe. I'm not sure what the implications of it were."

"We're talking about Sakura, I presume?"

For the second time in five minutes, Sasuke chokes. "How did you know?"

"Do you mean to say that there's another girl who regularly shows up in your life who might actually be interested in you?"

"Neji, half of the female population is interested in me."

"Yes, but they probably wouldn't be if they got to know you."

"I think Shikamaru's rude tendencies are rubbing off on you…"

"We digress. Sakura?"

"Yeah." With a sigh, Sasuke crosses his room to sit down on his bed, flopping back onto his pillows. "She kind of said something today, and I don't really know what she means by that."

"Well, before that, do you like her?"

A breath. "No."

"…I'll take that as a yes."

"Fine, so I do. Don't you dare breathe a word of this to anyone, you hear me?"

On the other end of the line, Neji sighs. "Yes, I know. So if you like Sakura, then I think you should go for it. If she said something that could be taken either way, she might be hinting at something. And even if she's not, at least you took the chance."

"You're upsettingly logical about this."

"Women are as simple as men, Sasuke. You just have to know how to see them."

"What if it's actually nothing, and I'm over-thinking this? Won't this ruin our friendship?" Not that Sasuke is very good at keeping friendships anyway—most of his friendships consist of people clinging to him like hungry koalas.

"Sasuke, I don't think Sakura is the kind of person to abandon a friendship over something like this. Don't worry. Do what you want to do."

Sasuke is quiet for a moment, pensive. "Okay. Thanks. And remember, not a word of this to anyone."

"Of course. I'll be the first to buy you congratulatory tea when you two get together."

"Yeah, whatever. See you on Monday."

"Bye."

Sasuke drops his phone and it lands on his stomach, bounces off, and falls onto his bed. He had already more or less made a decision before he called Neji, but he wanted some reassurance—something that Neji always gave, because despite everything, Neji is a good friend.

Sakura is…how does he explain it? An enigma. She is a puzzle that he has yet to understand, full of complexities and thoughts and feelings and culture differences that Sasuke can't even begin to fully comprehend at the rate they're going now. He's always wondered what it'd be like to spend endless days with her, to talk to her about every topic possible—and really, when a person begins to think like that, doesn't it mean that he's already fallen?

Does Sakura want to do that with him, too? What does she see in him? What does she think about him?

Just thinking about it makes his heart skip a beat.

He's never liked a girl before. This is interesting.

—

It's cloudy and chilly the next morning, but Sakura's smile is still as bright as the sun. "Good morning!"

"Morning," he replies. When she steps aside to let him into the house but he doesn't move, she raises her eyebrows at him questioningly. He scuffs his shoes against the ground and averts his gaze elsewhere and tells her, as honestly as he can, "I like you too, I guess."

For a brief moment, Sakura just stares at him with wide eyes, green and unguarded and so very pretty. Then they soften and her smile returns. "That's nice to know," she says, and prompts him to come in by opening the door wider.

They start with the cookies today. Cookies of all kinds—oatmeal, chocolate chip, raisin, gingerbread—Sakura has an entire stack of recipes in her kitchen, for all types of baked goods. Once again, Sasuke finds himself working in a room filled with the scent of sweets that he wouldn't eat if he had the choice not to, but perhaps today is more enjoyable than yesterday. After all, even if only minutely, his relationship with Sakura has changed.

Cookies are harder to make than muffins and cupcakes, because it requires actual kneading, instead of just mixing. Sasuke finds himself rolling up his sleeves and irritably brushing his bangs out of his eyes with the back of his hand as he does so, completely engrossed in the task at hand.

"So I was wondering about the prices," Sakura says, kneading her dough like it's nothing. "How much do you think everything should cost?"

"Five hundred yen a cookie," he answers without hesitation. "That should probably make up for the service fee."

"No one's going to buy cookies at five hundred yen each," she says with a stifled laugh. "There _is_ no service fee, Sasuke—remember, we're making up for our deficit? And if this goes well, we can even make this food for our café, too! _Then_ maybe you'll get something out of it."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah. Maybe."

"This is stupid."

"Hasn't Neji been class president for years? I thought you'd know a thing or two about this by now."

Sasuke turns to glare at her, but instead, what comes out of his mouth is this: "You have flour on your cheek."

She tilts her head to look at him too. She stands up straight, her hands leaving her large ball of cookie dough, and points at Sasuke's face. Does he have flour on his face too? A frown meets his lips, distracting him enough to not notice Sakura's finger coming too close until it's too late. Her fingertip brushes the tip of his nose, and she smiles. "You do too."

What is she, five years old?

"Hey, Sasuke…" Sakura rolls on the balls of her feet, her hands now clasped behind her back. "Can I kiss you? I mean…can we kiss?"

The white and yellow of her apron, the pink of her hair, and the green of her eyes make her look like the epitome of spring, even though it's long since been autumn, and everything is swamped in rich reds, oranges, and golds. Sakura is a season all her own and Sasuke doesn't know how she does it—how she can just drift into the room and take the floor.

"I've," he croaks, "never kissed anyone before."

Smooth.

"Plenty of time to learn, right?" Her voice is like a breeze past his ears as she stands on her tiptoes, grabbing hold of his apron to keep herself steady. Literally every limb in Sasuke's body freezes because she is far too close for this to be comfortable—_but isn't this how people kiss?_—and she looms closer and closer, until he can see the faint freckles dusting the bridge of her nose.

Her warm breath skims his lips, like a whisper, a promise. Sakura wobbles on her tiptoes and her hands have to grasp Sasuke's waist instead—he jerks at the touch because he's embarrassingly ticklish. Her palms press down harder, hard enough for the feeling to go away.

"A kiss is reciprocal," Sakura reminds him breathily after a moment of frozen silence.

"Oh," he replies dumbly. A moment more of her waiting and he closes the distance between them hastily. They bump harshly from the force and the first frantic thought that goes through Sasuke's head is that he is absolutely not made for romance.

The kiss is short, and when they pull apart, Sakura's eyebrows are quirked funnily, as though even she isn't sure what emotion she wants to express. Sasuke is embarrassed, to the point where he doesn't even remember the feeling of her lips against his.

"I'm not good at this," he explains, even though there isn't really a need to.

"No," she murmurs with a slight frown. "You're not." After another breath, she says, "If you're unsure, it might be better with a…gentler approach? Maybe?"

"You could show me," he offers, just to avoid any more awkward mishaps.

"Okay."

Her hands leave his waist and move up until they reach his shoulders. Her arms wrap around his neck, causing her entire body to press up against his. Sasuke freezes, not knowing what to do or where to put his hands. Sakura's mouth hovers over his for a tentative moment, and then her lips touch his—the feeling shoots like a bolt of electricity down his spine, and if he had any control over his limbs before, he absolutely doesn't now. She tastes kind of like the cookies that she was sampling earlier. Sasuke still doesn't like sweets, but maybe they're okay, if they're on Sakura's lips.

"Lots of it," she mutters when they pull away for the second time. She falls back onto her feet, losing the two inches she had before, but her arms remain locked around his neck in a gentle embrace.

"Lots of it?"

"Practice," she clarifies. "You need lots of it."

Sasuke's ears turn red in a deep blush. "I told you I've never kissed anyone before."

"And I told you there's plenty of time to learn." Sakura smiles, devoid of any accusation or disappointment. Sasuke wonders why that is. Don't girls like guys with experience?

So he asks her just that. She blinks, and laughs. "Some girls do, I guess," she says. "It's just about preference. I don't care about experience. I just care about the person. And like I said"—her smile is so warm and accepting that he nearly drowns in it—"I like you a lot. And if it's experience you want, you'll get it with time."

…Sasuke is absolutely never, ever letting Sakura go.

"Can we kiss again?" he asks meekly, and after a giggle, she presses her smiling mouth against his.

—

Several hours later, they have containers upon containers packed full of baked goods. Sasuke and Sakura are lazily sprawled on her couch, watching random reruns of movies on TV.

Judging by the speed at which simple fundraisers like this get approved, the bake sale will most likely take place this week. A thought strikes Sasuke, and he turns to Sakura. "We'll have to advertise, won't we?"

Sakura's eyes are half-lidded and sleepy. "Damn, I forgot about that." She's sitting horizontally on the couch, leaning against the arm, and her legs resting comfortably on Sasuke's lap. Normally, he wouldn't let anyone do that—but she'll be an exception, he supposes. From now on, Sakura will be an exception for many things. "Do you think we can get someone else to do it for us? Who's good at designing?"

He shoots her a look. "Don't ask me. I'm friends with artistically stunted boys."

"I guess I'll ask Ino. She knows a thing or two about Photoshop." The quick and efficient worker she is, she grabs her phone and begins texting immediately.

In the distance, Sasuke hears the front door open, and tenses up. Sakura's family? He hasn't seen them all weekend, and had forgotten they even existed. In a moment of fear, he pushes Sakura's legs off of his lap and becomes incredibly engrossed in what's playing on TV. (It's a beauty infomercial. Figures.)

"Dad! Welcome home!" Sakura glances up from her phone and waves in the direction of the hallway. "You're back early today."

"I finished up work early, so I figured I'd just leave." Sakura's father has the voice of a young man, and when Sasuke turns to greet him with a bow of his head, a young man is exactly who he sees. He has a briefcase in hand and is wearing a neatly tailored suit, but there is no doubt that he is young—and with hair just as pink as Sakura's. "This is…?"

"Oh, that's Sasuke."

"Ah, the unwilling class president." Her father steps into the room and extends a hand—Sasuke hastily gets to his feet to shake it. "Nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," he replies, and—is that anxiety in his voice? "Thanks for letting me intrude all weekend." Sasuke is usually good with adults and parents, since they like him so much for being so well-mannered, but under the gaze of Sakura's father, he suddenly feels as impudent as Naruto.

"It's no problem." Her father smiles. "This house is big and empty a lot of the time, so feel free to drop by whenever you like. It'll liven this place up a bit."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sasuke forces a smile as her father leaves and pads up the stairs. He plops back down on the couch, releasing a breath that he didn't realize he'd been holding.

Sakura laughs. "He's pretty laid-back. Don't worry." Her legs somehow return to his lap.

"He said this house is empty," Sasuke cautions, wondering if this is a subject he should be broaching. "Your mom…?"

"She's in America," she replies easily, still texting Ino. "My parents are divorced. That's why I'm here in Japan in the first place. You'd figure that half the world is enough distance to put between two people, wouldn't you?"

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't. I don't talk about it. Do me a favor and don't tell the others, okay?"

Sasuke nods, feeling warm underneath Sakura's trust. "Okay."

So that's why Sakura came to Japan. It explains a lot of things—her wistfulness towards America, her constant comparisons between the two countries and cultures. Sometimes, it's like she's drifting—he can't tell exactly what she's thinking, as though her mind is somewhere else, even though she's physically right beside him.

He wonders if she misses if. He wonders if she wants to go back.

A minute later, she puts down her phone and reaches her hand towards him, fingers wiggling. Unsure of what she wants, Sasuke reaches out until their fingertips touch—she grasps his hand, and their hands fall in between them, resting on the couch.

For the next little while, they continue to sit there, holding hands, watching that beauty infomercial.

—

"Did you know," he says to Neji during lunch the next day, "that spicy food doesn't actually affect how much acne you have? If you do have acne, it's more likely because of stress and lack of sleep."

Naruto snorts at the information, but Neji just blinks at him slowly. "Thanks, Sasuke, but I don't have acne anyway."

"Yeah, I bet it's because Hinata lends you her beauty products," Naruto snickers.

Neji scoffs and doesn't dignify him with a response.

"Naruto," Shikamaru drawls, "I bet half the reason why most of the female population is either interested in Sasuke or Neji is _because_ of their flawless skin."

Perturbed, Sasuke touches his own cheek. He has flawless skin?

"What are you talking about? Girls like me too!" Naruto's retort launches a full scale argument between him and Shikamaru, causing Sasuke to roll his eyes. They're all riled up on a Monday. Of course.

"Neji," he says softly while the other two are distracted. Neji turns to him, indicating that he's listening. "You owe me tea."

Neji raises an eyebrow. "Oh? So it went well?"

"That's one way to put it."

They fist bump, and that is that.

* * *

**A/N:** I am pretty sure most of you (and by that, I mean all of you) were waiting for this chapter, so here it is! Hello from Paris; Europe is absolutely magical. :)


	8. dreams exist, somewhere

**dreams exist, somewhere (november)**

—

After thinking about it over and over again, Naruto still doesn't know how he got dragged into this.

"I said I got it, I don't need your help!" He struggles as Chouji forces the costume over his head, nearly snapping his neck in the process.

Naruto is good at a lot of things. He always has the longest stamina in gym class, he is capable of succeeding at most things he tries hard at, and he makes a mean bowl of ramen. However, even he is able to admit that within his list of talents, acting is not one of them.

"But you don't even have any lines," Chouji says with a frown once Naruto finds the opening in the costume for his head and struggles through it, gasping for air. "Why are you worried?"

"I'm not worried, but it's just—it's stupid!"

Whoever's stupid idea it was to do a play for the Culture Festival (Naruto wouldn't put it past Neji), and whoever's stupid idea it was to make it Sleeping Beauty (Neji), and whoever's stupid idea it was to make Naruto the dragon (Neji, _that bastard_) is going to get it real bad once this whole thing is over.

Naruto has not had good experiences with plays. The first time his class had to do one, he was part of the costume group—he messed up two entire costumes, wasted half a roll of fabric, and managed to put everyone a week behind schedule. The second time, he was with the lighting group—he fell off his ladder during the first showing, and the resulting crash of lights pitched the entire stage in darkness for half an hour.

Apparently, the safest way to keep him from messing anything up is to stick him on stage and give him an easy role where he just has to lumber around and roar. Naruto finds this very degrading.

"How many showings do we have again?" he asks Chouji, depressed.

"Four today and four tomorrow, but I'm the dragon for tomorrow, so you don't have to worry about it."

"Four?" Naruto gawks. "_Four?_"

"It goes by fast—almost as fast as four bags of chips."

Naruto sighs, and flops onto the floor, sitting cross-legged. "And right now is just a dress rehearsal, too…" They've already had several rehearsals throughout the summer; Naruto's got his lumbering and roars down pat. He really doesn't need to be here. "Yo, Chouji, what's Shikamaru doing?"

"Shikamaru? He's probably preparing his class's café, right? I heard it's going to be awesome this year—we should go check it out later."

"Hey, do you think they have any of the stuff that Sasuke and Sakura had at the bake sale?"

"I hope so. Those brownies were good…"

Sasuke told Naruto that all of the recipes came from Sakura. Man, Americans are awesome.

"Dude." Naruto places a hand on Chouji's arm, expression calming down into something much more serious. "I need you to do me a favor."

Chouji's features fizzle down as well. "What is it?"

"Fill in for me for this dress rehearsal."

"…Naruto—"

"Please!" Naruto has already scrabbled to his feet and began the long and tedious process of getting the costume off him. "I just can't wait until later to see the café! Please!"

"There's going to be a dress rehearsal for me tomorrow morning too, so I don't see the point of—"

"I'll get you some brownies if there are any!"

A predatory glint lights up in Chouji's eyes, and he immediately begins assisting Naruto in getting the costume off. "Deal."

Once he finally gets the suffocating dragon skin away from him and on the floor, Naruto pats Chouji in thanks and races out of the gymnasium, flying by Neji in the process, who's doing last minute checks, or whatever it is that class presidents do.

"Naruto? The rehearsal is starting soon, where are you going? Hey, Naruto!"

"Catch you later, Neji!"

"Naruto!"

—

"It's eight o'clock on a Saturday morning," is the first thing Shikamaru says when he sees Naruto. "Go away."

Ignoring him, Naruto slings an arm over Shikamaru's shoulders and leans down to take a close look at what he's working on. "Prices? I thought you guys already had that figured out."

"We did, but we're trying to see if it'll be possible for everyone to make a profit."

Naruto lets out a low whistle. "If you do, share your earnings with me, okay? I have to be a dragon for Sleeping Beauty. Take pity on me."

Shikamaru snorts, but makes no move to shrug Naruto off of him. "No way, loser."

"Are you and Sasuke going to come watch our play?"

"It depends if we have the time. There are four showings today, right?"

"Huh? How did you know?"

"Because it's always four showings a day, Naruto. Where have you been for our entire academic career?"

"You're just a freak for paying attention to things like that," Naruto mutters. His arm slips off Shikamaru's shoulders and he takes a step away. "Where's Sasuke?"

"Hm? In the cafeteria with Sakura, I think. They're make some last minute things."

Naruto perks up. "Food? I'm so there."

"I thought your class is having a rehearsal right now?"

But he's already zoomed out of the room.

—

The cafeteria, located on the first floor and consisting of a large menu with a variety of items, is currently empty (as it should be on a Saturday morning) and full of the smell of pastries. Naruto weaves through the empty tables and chairs and straight to the kitchen in the back, where he finds Sasuke and Sakura, those lovebirds.

Well, perhaps not lovebirds, since they're not incredibly lovey-dovey. Naruto thinks they should be though, because then maybe, Sasuke will finally ease up a little bit. If anything, he's just become more tense ever since he and Sakura started dating, because now, on top of being stressed over himself and his possessions, he's also stressed about his girlfriend. Naruto thinks it's kind of pathetic.

(But then again, other than tense, Sasuke also seems happier. So maybe it evens out.)

"Hey guys, what's cooking?" Naruto's voice echoes in the large and empty kitchen, and his two friends turn around. Sakura has her hair tied up in a ponytail, and Sasuke has his hands in his pockets, helpfully doing nothing.

"Naruto!" Sakura greets with a smile. "Morning!"

"Aren't you supposed to be doing actual things with your class instead of bothering us?" Sasuke deadpans.

Naruto swears to himself that once he graduates, he's going to find new and better friends.

"Don't be mad just because I interrupted your date," he snaps, childishly sticking out his tongue. Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"This isn't a date, you moron."

"That's true. Someone as unromantic as you wouldn't be able to host a date."

Sakura sighs and waves her mixing stick thing. "Do you guys have to do this so early in the morning? It's the Culture Festival, lighten up a bit!"

"I'm always light and happy, Sakura! It's your boyfriend you need to cheer up. Maybe with a kiss—"

"Naruto, food." Sasuke nods in the direction of one of the large counters, where a tray of fresh brownies sit. "Help yourself."

If there is anything Naruto learned from the bake sale, it's that no one makes brownies like Sakura does. He's never had anything so sweet and indulgent before in his life—there are no bakeries that could supply the same decadence as Sakura's brownies. So of course, at the sight of the fresh batch, he immediately jumps towards it—

"Naruto?" Sakura's fingers slip around his arm, and suddenly her grip tightens, like a threat, and a promise to do serious harm. "Only one, okay? This is for the café."

He gulps, feeling sweat break out on his forehead. "Can I grab one for Chouji too?"

A moment of tense silence, and Sakura smiles sweetly, even though she's still holding his arm so hard it might even fall off. "One for you, one for Chouji."

Once she releases Naruto, Naruto grabs Sasuke and pulls him over as he heads over to the brownies. "Dude," he mutters in a low voice, huddling with Sasuke over the chocolate treats. "She's scary."

"You think I don't know that?" Sasuke mutters back, just as low. "I'm the one dating her."

"Then why are you dating her in the first place?"

Sasuke shrugs. "I don't know. I like her anyway."

"I wouldn't date a girl like that. I'd date a girl who was gentle, through and through." Naruto grabs a brownie and stuffs it into his mouth, and immediately wants another. It's. So. Good.

"Like Hinata?" Sasuke asks.

Maybe he can get away with one more brownie, and just not give one to Chouji? "Yeah, I guess so. But she's a little too quiet."

"So…Ino, then."

"Hell no, man! Maybe I'll go with Hinata. If Neji doesn't kill me first."

Sasuke's chest rumbles in a quiet laugh. "You better ask her out before someone else gets to her first."

Naruto waves a hand. "Nah, it's fine. She gets all flustered whenever boys are around anyway—she wouldn't even be able to say yes to anyone who manages to get close to her."

"She's only that flustered when she's around you, bimbo," Sasuke says.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Sasuke shakes his head, his annoyingly long bangs tickling Naruto's cheek. Offended, he pulls away and wrinkles his nose. "Never mind. Maybe the time's not right yet."

"Not right for what? Sasuke?" Sasuke ignores Naruto and turns, walking back towards Sakura, who's checking her phone while waiting for the last batch of brownies to finish up in the oven. Sasuke joins her, leaning against the counter as well, and pulls in to say something softly into her ear. Sakura doesn't look at him, but replies just as quietly, a faint smile lingering at her lips.

They look happy together, Naruto thinks. He needs to find himself a girlfriend too, if he doesn't want to end up single and lonely for the rest of his life.

"Sakura? Grabbing one more for Chouji." He holds up a brownie and his other empty hand as a sign of peace, and, seemingly calmed down by Sasuke, Sakura nods.

"Drop by later and properly buy something, alright?" she calls after him as he makes his way out of the cafeteria. "And I'll come and see your wonderful theatrics this afternoon."

He groans. "Don't remind me!"

It's not like he wants to stay around that couple any longer, anyway. They make him sick.

—

By the time he returns to the gymnasium, the dress rehearsal is just wrapping up. Neji is standing backstage with a clipboard in hand, scribbling down notes and checking things off. If there's anything that Neji's good at, it's being organized and bringing order.

"Naruto—" Neji stops himself short once he catches sight of Naruto, knowing that no amount of yelling or scolding is going to have any desired effects. Naruto is glad, because a headache is not what he's looking for right now. He offers a half-eaten brownie to Neji, who merely wrinkles his nose in distaste. "You do know what your role consists of, right?"

"Stomping all over the place, roaring, and knocking some props over? Yeah, I've only done it a million times already in the other rehearsals."

"And dying," Neji reminds. "Don't forget to die."

"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Neji laughs a little, which prompts a frown to Naruto's lips, because Neji rarely laughs. So when he actually does, it just makes Naruto think that he's plotting something evil.

"That already happened once," Neji says, his smile still lingering in his voice. "I think once is enough."

"Once? What are you…" Naruto pauses. "The beach?"

But Neji has already turned on his heel and returned to work, speaking to the onstage crew about cues and timing.

Naruto didn't tell anyone about what really happened at the beach that day, and he doubts that Shikamaru would either. Damn. Hinata must've blabbed. He wanted to keep that as quiet as he could.

"Naruto!" He turns and finds Chouji heading towards him in the dragon costume, waving a green claw. "Did you get my brownie?"

He glances at the partially gone brownie in his hand, and holds it out to Chouji. "Uh…are you okay with this?"

—

"Naruto! Where the hell were you, the show's about to start!"

"Hey, I'm looking for Hinata. Is she around?"

"Hinata? Yeah, she's over there. Working hard all morning, _unlike you_."

Naruto redirects his gaze and finds Hinata helping someone into a costume. She's the head of the costume department and—yeah, okay, Naruto can admit it, a lot more hardworking than he is. "Yo, Hinata!" He raises his hand in a wave and breaks into a jog towards her. She notices him with a start, and drops the hat that she's holding.

"N-Naruto. Hi." A blush that he swears wasn't there a moment ago finds its way to her cheeks in record time. "Did you need something?"

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He grabs her wrist and pulls her out of the room, ignoring her squeak of surprise and only tightening his grip on her when she nearly trips and falls on her face. Seriously, what a weird girl. Naruto likes her, but has no idea what goes through her head sometimes.

Once he's drawn her out into the hallway, he releases her wrist, and she immediately takes a precautionary step back. Whoops. Maybe he scared her a bit. "Is there something you need?" she asks again, avoiding his gaze.

"You told Neji about that day, right? The day at the beach?" He may be looking a little intimidating, because one glance at him has Hinata stuttering more than before.

"Well, I—yes, he's my family, so I just—I thought he should know, and I wanted to t-talk about it…"

"Hey." He frowns, concerned. "I'm not mad or anything, don't get all freaked like that. I just, uh…" How does he put it? He scratches his head. "I don't want the others to know, I guess. It wasn't exactly the brightest moment of my life, if you know what I mean."

In what seems like a great moment of courage, Hinata raises her head and looks him directly in the eye. "Shikamaru and I were there too, so it's not like it was the brightest moments of our lives either."

"No, I mean that…" It's Naruto's turn to look away, because that day was truly shameful for him, selfish and awful and everything he's never wanted himself to be. "We wouldn't have gotten in that situation if it weren't for me being an idiot, and I don't want the others to know that about me, I guess. But I _am_ an idiot, right? Everyone always calls me one." He forces a laugh (and misses the flash of emotion in Hinata's eyes). "Oh! And I don't think I ever apologized to you for that either. So I just, uh…sorry, Hinata. You could've died out there and it would've been my fault."

There is a long moment of silence after that, where Hinata is trying to find the right words to say. Dread washes over Naruto, because he's afraid that she won't forgive him—but then she smiles, albeit faintly. "I thought you were brave back then," she settles on saying. "And I still think you're brave now. Just don't be so hard on yourself, okay?"

Naruto has always received encouragement from Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Neji, but the things they've said can't quite compare to the conviction that Hinata speaks with now. He finds himself believing her, more than he's ever believed Sasuke or Shikamaru or Neji—and before he can help it, he grins and pulls her into a tight bear hug. She squeaks again, and he laughs loudly. Hinata. What a star.

"Thanks, Hinata," he says once he's released her. She's redder than a tomato. "You're the best. It's fine that you told Neji, I don't really care, but do you think you could keep it from the other guys?"

"Sure." She nods. "I never really planned to tell them anyway."

"Cool." He smacks her on the back. "We should get going, shouldn't we? Let's get me in that stupid dragon costume and get this show on the road."

Hinata smiles, and blushes when he opens the door for her. What a cute girl. Weird, but cute.

—

"That's why it's called a dress rehearsal," Neji tells Naruto (smug little bastard) after their first showing. "So you can get used to how everything works—_with your costume on_."

Because even though Naruto isn't dealing with the costumes or the lights, and all he has to do is stomp around and roar, he _still_ managed to mess things up. He tripped on his tail and went crashing to the floor, leaving the audience laughing, his classmates exasperated, and him very, very embarrassed.

"I'm not going to waste my time on a dress rehearsal," Naruto mutters, his arms hooked behind his head. "Whatever. It won't happen again."

"If it does, then even I won't be able to keep myself from laughing."

Naruto spots Sasuke and Shikamaru entering from the side entrance of the gym, both of them looking incredibly amused as their eyes land on Naruto, who's still wearing his costume.

"Smooth," Shikamaru comments, and Sasuke just snickers, that bastard.

"I was a _riot_, okay? It was great and everyone loved me. You're just jealous because I'm more popular than you two combined now."

"Okay, now you're just being stupid," Shikamaru says, since he's always so sure that Sasuke and Neji are way more popular than Naruto could ever hope to be. For all of the brains that Shikamaru has, he must be pretty dumb to not realize how much everyone loves Naruto.

(Well, at least, that's what Naruto tells Shikamaru. It'd be no fun to admit the truth anyway.)

He continues to argue with Shikamaru just for the hell of it while Sasuke chats with Neji. Over Shikamaru's shoulder, Naruto spots Hinata talking with Ino and Sakura; their eyes lock for a brief moment and he smiles, leaving her appearing flustered and not looking in his direction again.

"Hey, does Hinata have anxiety issues? She clams up whenever I see her."

Shikamaru glances behind him. "I think it's more like boy issues, but I guess you wouldn't notice."

"Boy problems?" Naruto gapes. "_Really?_"

"Oh my God, you really haven't noticed."

"Noticed what?"

Shikamaru pats him on the back with a sympathy that Naruto doesn't understand. "I know it's a little out of your area, Naruto, but you really should try talking to girls a little more. It'll give you a different perspective on life."

"What, are you suddenly all feminist like Sasuke?"

Shikamaru laughs. "No, but you really shouldn't treat girls as inferior to boys. Basic rule of life: everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and it's got nothing to do with gender."

"Don't you just say that to make up for the self-hatred that you have?" Naruto calls out when Shikamaru waves and turns, making his way out of the gym. "I mean, girls are cool! But you shouldn't use that as an excuse because you can't bother to be a real man!" His loud shouting manages to attract the attention of every female in the vicinity, and if Naruto isn't mistaken, most of the looks are not friendly.

"Dude." Naruto turns to Sasuke, who just shakes his head. "This is why you're not popular."

"What? But…!"

Neji steps over and lightly hits Naruto over the head with his clipboard. "Go take a break. There's an hour until our next showing."

Naruto is still wondering why girls are always so mad at him when Sasuke takes him by the shoulders and leads him out the door.

* * *

**A/N:** I think it should be a talent that I've been writing in this fandom for years, and still don't know how to write in Naruto's point of view. Considering he's the main character, and all.

You will all be glad to know that I finished writing this story when I was in London! There is a chapter to rework, but other than that, everything is ready to be posted. :)


	9. if i could find a word for you

**if i could find a word for you (december)**

—

"Oh, come on, we _all_ know that Christmas is meant for couples," Ino says as she drinks her soda. "So what's with you two? Why are you even here with us lonely, single people?"

"You know, _technically_, the only reason you and Sakura are dating in the first place is because the talented yours truly managed to make you class president without even being in your class. Some thanks should be in order."

Personally, Sasuke would much rather be at home on a Christmas Eve such as tonight, in his pajamas and reading in bed, but he opts for silence as a response because apparently, their friends are still not done with teasing him and Sakura for dating, even though it's been two months already.

"Actually," Sakura says, holding up a finger, "Christmas in America is supposed to be spent with your family. All the shops close and families have huge feasts and lots of gifts are exchanged."

"Just when I thought America couldn't be weirder," Naruto says, just as Neji sighs heavily.

"Can you at least _try_ not to be culturally ignorant?"

It is on this chilly Christmas Eve that everyone has gathered together to have a ramen dinner before leaving to karaoke, and then eventually returning to Naruto's place to spend the night. Sasuke isn't all that fond of Naruto's place since it's a little cramped and incredibly smelly on some occasions, but he's also the only one out of all of them who's living alone, so having an entire group of rowdy teenagers there shouldn't be a problem at all.

Everyone continues to talk all around them, but Sasuke tunes them out as he often does. Beside him, Sakura nudges him gently with her shoulder. "You okay?" she asks.

He shrugs. "Just tired. I don't really like being out at night."

She laughs, quietly. "Someone your age shouldn't be saying that." There's a warmness to her voice like there sometimes is when she talks to him, and that warmness always manages to shoot right through him every time, as novel as the first time.

"What are you going to do, then?" he asks her, his voice low and a smile playing at his lips. "Beat the youth back into me?" Which is, actually, quite plausible. Sakura can be terribly scary if she wants to be—which, unfortunately, is something Sasuke only discovered after they started dating.

She grins cheekily. "If that's what it takes, then yes. It's Christmas Eve! Enjoy yourself more."

"I will if you have a present for me."

Her eyes sparkle mischievously. "That's for later. Don't be impatient."

So Sasuke returns his attention to his ramen, suddenly very aware of the small box in his coat pocket. Sakura is his first girlfriend so he isn't entirely sure what is customary for a time like this, or if what she likes is even customary. Naruto always says so and Sasuke will never admit it, but he thinks he's kind of awful at this dating business. He has no clue what he's doing one hundred percent of the time.

He feels something warm on his cheek, and glances up. Everyone is looking at him; Shikamaru and Neji are hiding their shit-eating grins behind their ramen, and the girls aren't even bothering to stifle their giggles.

Sasuke reaches up to touch his face, and then his eyes narrow venomously.

Someone flung a fish cake at his face.

He can hazard a guess as to who.

—

This year's winter is particularly colder than the previous winters, that has Sasuke shoving his hands in his coat pockets instead of holding Sakura's hand, the way he wants to. So instead, Sakura links her arm with his as they walk down the road, heading towards the karaoke bar.

"Entrance exams are coming up," she says. "Have you chosen where you want to go yet?"

"No." Sasuke hesitates, briefly. "I'm not sure if I want to pursue more education." They're walking a little behind everyone else, because they're used to it now—them drifting into their own world once in a while, a sort of "couple" thing that the rest of them have yet to understand. Sasuke isn't quite sure if he even understands it himself.

"You _still_ haven't thought it through? It's December already, Sasuke! You can't always sit around and let your family make decisions for you, you know."

"Then what about you?" he shoots back haughtily. "What are you going to do after we graduate?"

There is a long pause, and Sasuke feels victory at his fingertips. "I'm not sure yet either," she admits. "But I've been thinking, no matter what we choose…chances are, we're not going to go down the same path, are we?"

"I'll go wherever you go."

Sakura punches him lightly. "Don't make life-altering decisions because of a girl. Make life-altering decisions because of yourself."

_But you're not just a girl,_ Sasuke wants to say, but can't. It's not like he and Sakura have been dating for long, but—how does he explain it? Sakura still gives him butterflies and every day with her still feels like a different way of seeing the world, but she's also a deep, resonating comfort—the same comfort that he feels with Naruto, Shikamaru, Neji—the same comfort that he feels with his family. To him, Sakura is already family. Sasuke isn't a fickle person; if he likes someone, he likes them for life.

"I _am_ making life-altering decisions because of myself," he tells her. "And I'm deciding for myself that I will go wherever you go."

She laughs, and pulls her arm out of his. "Is that how all you Japanese think?" she asks wistfully. "You…collectivists, like a flock of birds, all traveling in the same direction." The smile in her voice fades a little. "I don't think I'll ever be able to understand that."

"Americans are…?" he prompts.

"Individualists. We're an individualist society. Ultimately, the things we do and the decisions we make are for our own well-being—what _we_ personally want in life, the things that will make _us_ happy. And that doesn't always please others."

"I might be able to understand that, a little." Even though—no, not really. It's a little hard to think that way.

As they walk down the street, they pass several couples walking hand in hand, and decorative Christmas trees, all lit up with colorful and glittering lights. He can hear Ino and Shikamaru talking ahead of them, something about different types of camera film.

"But it's not in your bones, you know? It's not in your blood." Sakura turns to him and the smile is back on her lips, the momentary nostalgia of her home country whisked away like it was never there in the first place. "_You_, Sasuke—you're a born and bred Japanese, collectivist and bird-of-the-flock and all."

He hesitates. "Thank you?"

"It's not a bad thing," she says, and pecks him on the cheek. "It's just different. Just—if you're going to make a life-altering decision for anyone, Sasuke, I'd be happier if it was for your family, and not me. Girlfriends come and go; family doesn't."

"Hey." He reaches out and grabs her hand, cold winter be damned. "Not all the girlfriends. Not all the time. Not always." _Not you._ "Unless…"

Her eyes widen in understanding. "No, no, Sasuke! No." She laughs, her eyes lighting up with the rest of her. "I like you a lot. That's not an issue. I'm just saying that sometimes, circumstances cause people to part ways, even if they don't want to." He continues to eye her with suspicion. "Don't _ever_ question how I feel about you, okay?"

He looks away. "Okay."

They continue their walk down the street in silence, hand in hand. Sasuke never wants to let go.

—

Loud. Karaoke is loud.

Sasuke doesn't know why this is a fact that always escapes his memory, considering that this is the very reason why he hates karaoke in the first place, but it is so awfully _loud_.

He sits as far away as possible from the television and microphones to avoid being forced into singing, which has gone well so far; everyone else has gotten a turn, even Neji.

Well, Neji didn't exactly get a turn—he was forced into a turn.

Sasuke is the perfect, concealed wallflower, and plans to stay that way.

"Oi, Sasuke, d'you think we're gonna let you sit there all night?"

Dammit.

He coughs into his fist. "I'm going to the bathroom." And, with as much natural ease as he can, slides out of the room, ignoring Naruto's loud shouting that is only amplified by the two microphones that he's holding against his mouth. Sasuke doesn't have a headache yet, but he's sure that one will come if he stays in there for much longer.

The hallway is significantly quieter, with the muted music from all of the rooms to keep him company. Sasuke breathes in a proper breath and heads outside, even though he left his jacket in the room. These places generally smell of smoke and he isn't terribly fond of it, but outside is always crisp and clean, regardless of the cold.

Collectivists, huh? That's how Sakura sees them. As birds following the flock, sheep following the herd. Sasuke never thought of it that way, but maybe that's really how they are.

Sasuke has contemplated a whole list of things he could do and careers he could pursue, but none of them particularly struck him. Itachi is following in their father's footsteps in being a policeman, and for a long time, Sasuke thought he wanted that too—until an upsetting night with Naruto a year ago brought to light the fact that he didn't want to be a policeman, he just wanted to be able to shine in his brother's shadow.

He has yet to aspire to be something, but it's never really bothered him up until now. Graduation seems to be looming closer and closer, as are entrance exams and university applications, and…

This is his future, isn't it? This is all of their futures. Just like that, without any of them noticing, they're growing up.

"What are you thinking about?" A voice breaks his thoughts, and Sasuke's vision refocuses on the streetlight on the other side of the road. It's lightly snowing, the snowflakes large and fluffy and melting upon contact with the sidewalk.

He doesn't need to look to know who it is. "Things," he replies vaguely, because he's never been one for words anyway.

"What kind of things?" Ino presses, stepping up to stand beside him.

"Life. Graduation. Responsibility."

She clicks her tongue in thought. "Have you decided what you're going to do yet?"

"No. Have you?"

"I think I'm going to continue with art and design. But more of the digital kind, you know—the whole photography thing."

"Oh, cool."

They fall into a silence as they do a lot of the time, with Sasuke having nothing to say and Ino having too much to say, but nothing that she's willing to let out.

"Do you remember…" She pauses as she exhales in a short laugh, her breath puffing out in a small ball of steam. "Do you remember in fifth grade, when no one wanted to be friends with me because I was too tough and scary?"

Despite himself, a smile finds its way to Sasuke's lips. "How could I not? You were called to the principal's office because the boys said you were bullying them. The _boys_."

"I bet I wouldn't have gotten into that much trouble if I were a boy too."

"Probably not."

Silence again, and Ino rubs her arms to keep the cold at bay.

"But you offered to play with me." She speaks up again, but lacking the usual confidence that she always carries herself with. "Soccer, just the two of us, trying to see which one of us could score more goals on the other."

"Didn't we tie most of the time?"

"I think so, yeah. And then our classmates started to make fun of you too, for playing with me, the mean girl. And then you said…" Ino trails off, as if waiting for Sasuke to finish her sentence for her. But Sasuke doesn't remember what he said on that specific day in fifth grade; he doesn't remember a lot of things that happened in elementary. After a heartbeat later, and she says, "You said that you weren't interested in people who brought others down just to make themselves feel better. For a ten-year-old, that's pretty big."

Sasuke wants to ask her why she's bringing this up, but he thinks he knows, so he keeps his mouth shut. The night chill continues to eat away at him but he stays put, waiting for her to finish. She deserves that right, at least.

"I know—I know I shouldn't be saying this now, since you're dating Sakura, but…I like you, Sasuke! I like you a lot, and it didn't start until long after fifth grade, but I've known you since then, and we haven't exactly been close, but we've been friends, right? I've been keeping quiet about how I feel towards you but if I don't get it out, I feel like I'm going to burst from all these emotions, and I…"

"Shikamaru," Sasuke says, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. "You tried to use him to get my attention?"

"…Yes," she answers, unsure.

"You shouldn't have."

"I know. I apologized to him—profusely."

He looks away again. "Good."

A breath. "Are you going to…?"

"Ino, you know how I feel about you. I don't have to say it."

"Yes, but…I need to hear you say it, or I'm always going to wait around, hoping that you'll change your mind and look at me…that's awful, isn't it? Sakura and I are such good friends, and here I am, trying to steal away her boyfriend." Her voice sounds watery, and Sasuke doesn't dare look at her—he isn't sure if it's to protect her or to protect himself.

"To be fair," he tries to joke, "you _have_ liked me for longer." She laughs, but without humor. "Ino, you…" He tries to find the right words, but it's a lot more difficult than he thought it would be. How does he say it in a way that won't hurt her?

_You can't,_ a voice tells him. _You can't tell someone you don't love her and expect it not to hurt._

"You," he tries again, "are…smart, confident, and a great photographer. And of course I like you; I wouldn't have approached you in fifth grade otherwise. But I don't…I mean, as far as romance goes, I didn't even know how I felt towards Sakura until she shoved it right in my face, and I just think—that even if you and I did somehow manage to cross paths like that, you wouldn't have been happy with me for very long anyway."

"You don't know that," she says, her voice coming out as more of a hiss—but not quite aggressive as it is defensive, trying to swallow the lump in her throat, trying to keep her tears at bay. "You can't possibly know that."

"I know that you shouldn't beat yourself up over this." He rips his gaze from the streetlight across the road and turns to face her properly. There are large snowflakes in her hair, and on any other occasion, he would've brushed it away without a second thought—but tonight, he's afraid of touching her, or even looking at her the wrong way, because false hope is the worst kind of hope. There is nothing he can do for her now.

"We could be so good. You and me, we could be unstoppable—"

"Ino." He shakes his head. "Don't think about what-ifs. Those are the worst."

Her blue eyes are wet, glazed over with tears that she refuses to shed in front of him. "I know," she whispers. "But I can't stop."

Sasuke wonders what it'd be like, to quietly yearn after someone for years and years, and for her to not even look twice in his direction. He can't even fathom a fraction of that quiet, restrained, resigned sort of pain—the kind that you find yourself drowning in on lonely nights, the kind that's impossible to escape.

He smiles, faintly. "You'll be able to, eventually. The Ino I know wouldn't let this stop her in her tracks."

She nods and sniffs once, getting herself under control. Although she doesn't smile back, she does reach out and brush the top of his head; "Snow. A lot of it."

He points at her. "You too." When she tilts her head towards him, his hand hesitates briefly—and then he sweeps the snow away, subconsciously gentle and tender. She's the mean girl in fifth grade that everyone was scared of, but in the end, they all have their anchors that tie them down. No one else can ever take that weight for them.

Ino's eyes close and she sucks in a quiet breath when his hand touches her head, leaning against his palm. He properly finishes dusting her off before pulling away.

"I'm going back inside," he tells her. "You take your time out here."

She nods, the sadness palpable in her eyes. "Okay."

"You're strong. You're Ino."

She nods again, and manages a weak smile. "Yeah."

Sasuke turns and heads back inside, feeling the weight of a million words that he couldn't say to her. Maybe he's always known, at the back of his mind, how she felt about him—and maybe he's always been afraid to face that. He's never felt ready to deal with those types of feelings; he is good at rejecting the occasional girl who hands him a love letter, but to push away a friend that he's known for years?

Sasuke didn't even know he wanted romance, wanted love, wanted a lifetime of forever until Sakura.

When he returns to their karaoke room, Shikamaru and Hinata—a comical pair—are singing a duet together; one voice far too apathetic, and the other far too jittery.

"You okay?" Sakura asks when he plops down beside her on the couch, releasing a heavy sigh.

He slides until his head meets her shoulder. "Just tired," he answers as he closes his eyes. The music is still loud and he isn't sure if she heard him, but she seems to get the general gist of it, because she gets comfortable on the couch too, and smooths down his hair, damp from the snow.

Growing up is hard.

—

"We're underage." Neji shakes his head. "This is inappropriate."

"Yeah, and if people were so concerned about underage drinking, they wouldn't put beer in vending machines."

Which is a very valid point, but it doesn't make Neji feel any better.

Naruto is on his second can, and Shikamaru is slowly sipping at his first. There are several more unopened cans on the coffee table that they're sitting around; the guys are being nice and sitting on the floor, and the girls are packed onto the small couch.

"You need to loosen up, Neji," Ino says, waving a hand. She's swaying a little in her seat. Sasuke's brow furrows imperceptibly in worry; she isn't exactly going easy on the alcohol either.

(But then again, maybe she has a valid excuse.)

"I'm fine," Neji says, and then turns to Hinata with an expectant look.

"I won't drink any either…"

"C'mon, Hinata, it's not too bad once you get used to it!" Naruto offers her a can and Hinata turns an impressive shade of red.

"Naruto, let her be if she doesn't want any," Sakura reprimands. "Do you think drinking is cool, or something?"

"But Sakura, you're drinking too…"

"Yeah, because I'm okay with it. Don't pressure someone into doing something they don't want to do." At her light scolding, the beer retreats from Hinata's face, who relaxes significantly.

Beside the cans of beer are some juice boxes and bottles of soda. Sasuke swipes a small carton of tea (old habits die hard), which draws a snort from Shikamaru. "That's all you're ever interested in. Tea, and Temple Run."

"And Sakura," Ino pipes up, hiccuping. Both Sasuke and Shikamaru shoot her a glance that isn't caught by anyone else.

Naruto laughs. "Yeah, and Sakura."

"I don't play Temple Run anymore," Sasuke replies haughtily.

"Oh, are you caught in the Candy Crush craze too? I can't get past level twenty-one! Sasuke, what level are you on?"

He glances around the room. "One hundred forty-seven."

Stares.

"What? It's not like I have anything better to do when I'm with you guys."

—

With much effort, Sasuke hauls himself off the floor. "I'm going to bed," he announces, although no one really pays attention to him. It's a thing that happens, when it's four in the morning.

Some way to spend Christmas.

Sakura is drifting in and out of sleep on the couch when he turns to head to Naruto's room, where the guys agreed to sleep; the girls get the small living room. He stops beside the couch and reaches out to brush Sakura's hair out of her face. Her eyes flutter open, half-lidded as she looks up at him and smiles sleepily.

"I'm going to bed," he repeats himself, softer and for her ears only.

"Okay." She takes his retreating hand and pulls it back in, pressing a kiss to his fingers. "Goodnight."

He smiles. "Night."

There are a million things he wants to say to her on a night like this—not just because it's Christmas Eve, but just because of the things that happened today. This is why Sasuke doesn't like going out so late; it messes up his day-to-day routine and people confess their feelings to him and then he's just full to the brim with weird emotions that he wants to express to his girlfriend of nearly three months.

But right now is not appropriate, not when most of their friends are still sprawled out in the living room, watching a movie that no one remembers deciding on at four in the morning. And even if the time _was_ appropriate, Sasuke doubts that he'd be able to say anything he wants to say anyway.

So he just opts for ruffling Sakura's hair affectionately as a final goodnight, and disappears into Naruto's room.

Shikamaru, the only other person in the room, greets him with, "Do you think Naruto would hate me if I took his bed?"

"Do you think Neji would hate me if I took his sleeping bag?" Sasuke asks flatly. (Neji, of course, is the only person who is ever remotely prepared for such occasions, armed with his toiletries, very expensive looking hairbrush, and neatly folded pajamas.)

Shikamaru laughs tiredly. "Yeah, probably."

They get ready for bed without another word; Naruto has already laid out spare blankets and pillows (or perhaps never cleaned them up from the last time they slept over). As Sasuke's pulling on his pajamas, he glances over at Shikamaru.

"Ino…" There's a significant pause in Shikamaru's movements before he resumes what he was doing, as if Sasuke said nothing at all. "She confessed to me earlier."

Shikamaru pulls the elastic out of his hair and shakes his hair free, the dark locks long enough to brush his shoulders. "Ah."

"Dude, if I knew before—"

"It doesn't matter, Sasuke." Shikamaru keeps his back facing him as he grabs a blanket and pillow, finding a spot in the corner of the room to sleep. "You're still my someone."

Sasuke watches him as he burrows underneath his blanket on the floor. Tonight just isn't his night—there are too many unsaid apologies, too many people that he's inadvertently hurt. "You're my someone too, you know," he says. "If I ever need a brick wall to talk to, I know you'll be there."

Shikamaru snorts. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"For you, yeah."

They both laugh quietly, and Sasuke wanders off to brush his teeth. When he returns, Shikamaru is already snoring quietly. A moment later and Neji enters the room with a half asleep Naruto in tow. "He's heavy," Neji says with slight struggle, so Sasuke goes and helps him haul Naruto onto his small and unmade bed.

"I'm beat," Sasuke says, sitting at the foot of the bed. "I hate things like this."

"Me too." Neji unties his hair and runs his brush through it. "There are too many things happening; I can't keep everything under control."

Sasuke snorts. "I think that just has to do with your OCD. Don't group me with you."

"Some Christmas, huh?"

He watches Neji go about his nightly routines that he's seen so many times before, since no matter how much he grumbles and grouses about hating events like these, he still shows up anyway. "It's not a bad Christmas," Sasuke says.

"No, I suppose it's not." A pause, and Neji glances at him. "Did you get anything? For Sakura, I mean."

"Oh, I did. I totally forgot, though." The little gift-wrapped box is still in his coat pocket, waiting to be given to someone special. "I suppose I'll give it to her tomorrow."

"And she didn't even get mad that you forgot. She's pretty different."

Sasuke waves a hand. "American. She's just American."

"I really don't think that has to do with it this time." Neji chuckles quietly. "You landed yourself quite a catch for your first girlfriend."

He waves his hand again. "It was luck." After all, there's no way he could have won Sakura's heart just by being himself.

"Don't play it off like it's nothing. You really like her, don't you?" Neji's eyes are piercing, perceptive.

Sasuke looks away. "So what if I do?"

"It's a good thing, Sasuke."

Away from Neji's sight, a small smile twitches at his lips. "Yeah, I know."

Is it wrong for him to still be happy when there are people who are hurt because of him?

"God," Neji fusses. "Tomorrow morning's going to be hell. And I already know that I'm not going to sleep well."

"I know, me too. This is what we get, for being friends with idiots."

"So you're not an idiot yourself, Sasuke?"

"If I'm an idiot, so are you."

"Would you guys shut up?" Shikamaru barks from his corner, sounding very tired and very cranky.

Both Sasuke and Neji snort, but they say nothing more. Sasuke makes a spot comfortable for himself on the floor as Neji disappears to get cleaned up—a process that takes a very long time, if Sasuke's experience tells him anything. So he doesn't bother waiting for Neji; he just goes straight to sleep, telling himself that even though tomorrow is going to be hell, it'll still be better than today.

So this is how another year passes.

* * *

**A/N:** It's a running theme in my head that Sasuke is Shikamaru's someone, and it makes me squeal every time. I have had too many lonely nights, thinking about boys who will never like me back—to the point where writing this chapter was actually a little depressing. I do like how it came out, though! Let me know your thoughts. :)


	10. i'll be fine

**i'll be fine (january)**

—

The quiet beeping and combat sound effects are the only sounds in the room.

"Is this really how you want to spend your last day of winter break?" Naruto asks, his eyes never once straying from the television. "Gaming in your living room?"

"That's the only way to spend the last day of winter break," Sasuke replies. "You have to engrave the feeling of lazy freedom in your mind before you completely forget it because of homework and exams."

"Are you kidding me," Naruto mutters, "I have lazy freedom regardless of school."

"Yeah, and this is why you fail everything. Entrance exams are coming up, you know. What are you going to do after we graduate?"

"Me? I think I might just start working. Education was never for me. But you're probably going to continue with it, right?" Naruto flinches when he loses in their one-on-one match, and throws down his controller. "Screw this, I'm not playing anymore! You beat me every time!" Sasuke smirks, his character standing victorious on the screen.

"So you're just a sore loser now, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever helps get you through the day. So are you going to continue with schooling?"

Sasuke takes a moment before he answers. "I'm…not sure yet. I think so, because I honestly don't know what I want to do."

"Yeah, well, Shikamaru and Neji are definitely going to. Shikamaru's way too smart not to, and doesn't Neji want to go into law or something? Man, he'd be a scary lawyer."

Sasuke presses a few buttons and redirects the game back to the main page, before dropping his controller too. "Has it really been years since we met?"

"Crazy, isn't it? I honestly can't believe it either."

"It's been…" Sasuke counts the years in his head, and scowls when he finds his answer. "Seven years. That is disgusting."

"Hey, _you're_ disgusting!"

"Yeah, I am pretty disgusting for having dealt with _you_ for seven entire years. And I'm class president because of you, too." Sasuke still hasn't gotten over that. He's probably never going to get over that.

Naruto snickers. "But you have to admit, that was pretty good."

"Go to hell."

They both stare at the television screen for a moment, before Naruto says, "I'm bored of this."

"…Yeah, me too."

"Want to go bother Neji and Shikamaru?"

"Sounds like a plan."

—

The January weather is still cold, with a thin layer of snow on the ground and frost on the bare trees. Sasuke shrinks more into the fluffy grey scarf that Sakura got him for Christmas, making sure to bury his nose into the comfortable material.

"Want to grab a late lunch? I'm craving ramen."

"You're always craving ramen."

Out of Neji and Shikamaru, Shikamaru lives closer to Sasuke, and his house is even within walking distance. It takes about twenty minutes to get there by foot, which has never been a problem for Sasuke—but then again, everything _is_ different when he's with Naruto. Suddenly, twenty minutes feels more like an eternity.

"So what are you going to do after we graduate, if you're not going to continue with school? Don't tell me you're going to work at a ramen place."

Naruto laughs. "That'd be nice, but I really don't think that would pay the bills. I'll find something; there are jobs that you can get even with just a high school diploma. I was thinking of something to do with construction."

Sasuke throws a glance at him over the fortress of his scarf. "That's difficult, you know."

"Yeah, well, white collar jobs were never for me anyway, and we both know it."

"You never know. It's not like you're stupid; you just don't like using your brain."

"Same thing, isn't it?" The smile on Naruto's lips is easy as he redirects his gaze up at the sky. Sasuke wonders what it takes to always be as carefree as he is. "I'm going to do things my own way. I want to be happy with myself, and make my parents proud—wherever they are."

Sasuke is sure they'd be proud of him no matter what, but he keeps that to himself. Naruto has already thought ahead—what has Sasuke been doing this entire time? What does he want to do with his life? He can't afford to lose to Naruto—not at a time like this.

"I think you should go into medicine," Naruto says, grinning. "Or psychiatry, or something like that."

He snorts. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you're full of problems yourself," Naruto snickers. Sasuke shoots him a glare. "And also because…you're a really nice guy, I guess. There are too many doctors out there who are in it for the money; you can be one of the ones who are in it for the job itself. You want to help people, don't you? Isn't that why you never thought being a policeman was a bad idea?"

Sasuke doesn't respond to Naruto, and Naruto probably isn't expecting him to. Sasuke never saw himself that way, but maybe it's something to think about. Maybe he'll talk to his family about it.

"It honestly feels like I met you yesterday," Naruto continues to say, filling Sasuke's silence with inconsequential blabber. "So much has changed since then."

"Yeah, like your peach fuzz facial hair."

"Uh-huh, and your smelly armpits."

"Yeah, except there's deodorant for that, and they're nowhere near as smelly as your _house_. Honestly, how do you live in that junkyard?"

"I like to call it 'freedom of expression', thanks."

—

Sasuke doesn't know what would become of the world if Shikamaru actually answered the door one day, looking as though he wanted to see anything other than his bed.

"Seriously, it's the last day of winter break. Leave me alone; you two are the last people I want to talk to, considering I'll be stuck with you guys every day for the next few months."

"Do you think Shikamaru has ever even considered us his friends?" Naruto asks loudly.

The door is slammed in their faces.

"I think that's a no," Sasuke says.

—

"Neji?" Hyuuga Hiashi stares at them. "He left with Hinata a little while ago. I was assuming he was with you."

"He's not."

"Oh. Hm." Neji's uncle thinks for a moment, before dismissing the thought. "Well, you will be seeing him tomorrow anyway."

"Yes. Sorry for bothering you."

—

This leaves Sasuke and Naruto aimlessly wandering around on the last day of winter break.

At a nearby playground, children play on the swings and slides, running around in their thick winter jackets. Their parents sit on the benches to the side, chatting with each other while keeping an eye on their kids. There is a quiet sort of tranquility on this Sunday afternoon that Sasuke can't quite put his finger on. It's comforting.

"Do you think Neji and Hinata are on a date?" Naruto wonders aloud, kicking aside some snow.

"Neji and Hinata are cousins."

Naruto laughs. "Right. Man, I wonder what it'd be like to live with a girl." Sasuke doubts it'd be very nice. (But then again, maybe not. Living with Sakura would be…ahem. Well. Nice would probably be an understatement.)

"Your water bills would go up," Sasuke says. "From the long showers. And girl things would end up everywhere, like magazines and makeup and one hundred pairs of shoes, and there'd never be a moment of silence in the house because all girls do is scream all the time."

"You've done a bit of thinking about this, huh? Is that what Sakura is like when she's with you? Does she never shut up?"

"Sakura's different," he says haughtily. "But all other girls are the same."

Actually, Sakura might be offended by what he just said. He's still trying to get used to her train of thought; it's a little difficult.

"Ino talks a lot," Naruto says. "But Hinata doesn't. I bet she'd be okay to live with."

"You talk about Hinata a lot," Sasuke points out.

Naruto shoots him a glance, looking a little indignant. "I do not!"

"You always talk about how great she is." He smirks. "Do you like her?" Although Sasuke already knows that the answer is no, he feels like he should tease Naruto about it anyway—Naruto needs to be pushed in the right direction. If Hinata's feelings for Naruto aren't resolved in one way or another, everyone is going to die from how unfulfilling it all is.

Naruto doesn't hold back when he punches Sasuke in the shoulder. A heavy aching pain shoots down his arm and Sasuke stumbles a few steps. "Don't make assumptions!" Naruto shrieks, almost looking offended that Sasuke would even suggest such a thing.

"Why?" Sasuke taunts. "Is she gross or something?"

"I'm—stop putting words in my mouth!" Naruto throws another punch at him, but Sasuke is prepared enough to at least swerve out of the way (and consequentially smack against a lamp post).

"So she's not gross!" Sasuke calls out as he runs, keeping himself a safe distance from Naruto. "So that means you like her!"

"You bastard, I'm going to kill you!"

—

Funnily enough, they actually run into Hinata a little later (and Ino, and Sakura, and…Neji?).

"Neji, what are you doing with three girls? You look like a pimp."

"Excuse you," Ino snaps at Naruto. She doesn't even greet Sasuke.

"When Hinata asked me to spend the day with her, I thought you guys were also coming," Neji says stiffly. "She failed to tell me that it was only with Ino and Sakura."

"Sorry, Neji, I forgot to mention it…"

They're in the middle of the shopping district; Sasuke and Naruto were just heading to the arcade. Sasuke finds it ironic, since they grew tired of playing video games at his house, but they end up going somewhere else to do the exact same thing. He smiles when Sakura steps up to him and hugs him in greeting, her necklace glinting in the light.

"You look stressed," she comments cheerily.

"Because of Naruto," he answers seriously.

Naruto doesn't even bother punching him this time; he merely rudely holds up his middle finger to Sasuke, before talking to Neji, who looks relieved to be speaking to someone in possession of male genitalia.

Sakura laughs when she finds Sasuke gazing at Neji. "He was alright for a while, but then we somehow launched into a conversation about lingerie. That kind of did it for him. Poor guy."

"I can handle lingerie. You can talk to me about lingerie any time." She laughs again, lightly punching him where Naruto had hit him earlier.

"Yeah, I'd like to see how you'd handle _that_," she says with a grin.

"I'm stronger than Neji," Sasuke retorts. "I can handle it."

"Sure, sure."

There's a moment of silence between them, before he asks Sakura, "How…has Ino been? Has she been acting different lately?"

She raises an eyebrow at him, but answers his question nonetheless. "Not too different from usual, but now that you mention it, I guess she's been a little quieter these past few weeks. But this kind of winter weather can depress anyone, you know? It's always so cloudy and…dreary. She'll perk up soon."

"Mm." Sasuke turns away to look at Ino, who is talking and laughing with Hinata. At a glance, she seems completely fine. And maybe she is—maybe she's already over Sasuke. Maybe what seemed like a huge deal to him is actually nothing to her at all.

He's just worried about her, he supposes.

"Did something happen with Ino?" Sakura asks, but when he doesn't answer, she doesn't push it. "What are you thinking about right now?"

It's a moment later when his attention refocuses on her. "I was talking with Naruto earlier," he tells her. "I think I'll continue with schooling, at least until I've made a decision about my future."

"Oh, that's great!"

"You're going to too, right?"

"Yeah." Pause. "Medicine. It's going to be hard."

"You can do it," he says, and doesn't for a single moment doubt it.

"Thanks." Another pause. "This is really happening, isn't it? We're all deciding on our lives and going different ways."

Sasuke senses something odd in Sakura's behavior, but isn't quite sure how to ask her about it. "Do you know where you're going to go yet? For university, I mean."

She shakes her head. "No, not yet. I'm still talking to my dad about it."

"Let me know when you decide. It'd be nice if we weren't too far from each other."

Sakura nudges him affectionately with her shoulder. "You're too attached."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Kind of, yeah."

"Most people would say it's romantic," he argues. He honestly can't do a single thing to please her.

Her laugh sounds like a crystal bell, cutting through the winter air. "Yeah, romantic in that fatal sort of way. Romeo and Juliet, yeah?" Apparently, he can't do a single thing to get her to take him seriously, either. Sasuke sighs, and gives up. "How about this, Sasuke? We'll only tell each other what we decide on after we've both chosen. That way, we won't be biased."

"Why are you so—" He tugs at her arm so they step a little farther away from their group of friends. "Why are you so determined to things like that? I get that you're American and I'm some little bird or whatever, but haven't you considered that I have feelings too? I don't want to be far away from you, if I can help it."

"Me neither!" Sakura keeps her voice low, even though she's clearly agitated as well. But perhaps not agitated at Sasuke—just at life, just at how things might have to work out. "But we have to look at the bigger picture—it's not like we're married, and if I could, I would spend every spare moment with you, but—we have aspirations, Sasuke, _we have dreams_, and I'm sorry if this hurts, but we aren't each other's dreams! I want to be the best doctor I can be, and I will go to whatever place that can help me achieve that. And once you know what you want to do, you'll be working towards that too."

"Is that what your dad told you?" Sasuke snarls, a defense that he doesn't even realize he'd put up. "Is that why your parents fell apart?"

Sakura bristles, her brow furrowing with a sickening sense of betrayal. "If that's what you want to think," she hisses, before turning on her heel and walking away with sharp steps. Sasuke watches her grab Ino and Hinata's attention, and before long, she's dragging them in the opposite direction, leaving Neji and Naruto high, dry, and very confused.

He's still trying to grasp a hold of his emotions when Neji and Naruto sidle up to him. "Dude, what happened?" Naruto cautions, but Sasuke can't formulate a proper, socially acceptable response. "Sasuke?"

"We were going to the arcade, weren't we?" he says roughly. He pushes past his two friends and stalks down the sidewalk.

The weather didn't feel incredibly cold earlier, with how much Sasuke had bundled up, but now, there is a distinct chill settling at the base of his spine.

—

When he doesn't respond to the knock at his door, it opens anyway; it's his mother with a plate of orange slices for him.

"Did something happen today?" she asks pleasantly, placing the plate on his desk. Sasuke is lying on his bed and staring idly at the ceiling, not bothering to make an effort to think about anything.

He rolls over so his back faces her. "Mom…what's love?"

There's a moment of silence before he feels his mattress dip underneath his mother's weight. "Why?" she asks, gentle like she's always been. "Is there a girl?"

"There's been a girl for a while now," he corrects. "Just…how do you know when someone is worth sacrificing everything for?"

"Do you like this girl a lot?"

_I feel like I wouldn't be able to breathe if I couldn't see her anymore._ "A bit, I guess."

His mother sighs a little as she thinks. "If you feel like she's worth it, then she's worth it. But before you make any decisions, Sasuke, think about what you both want. And think about what she's willing to sacrifice for you in return."

_Damn well nothing, that's what._

"You're still young. Everyone makes mistakes—so don't get mad at yourself if you mess up, and definitely don't get mad at her if she messes up too, okay?" Sasuke feels her fingers weave through the locks in his hair, ruffling it affectionately. "I raised you to be a kind person. Be kind, Sasuke."

He grunts once in agreement, but his fist curls loosely around his blankets. Being kind is easier said than done—especially if it sometimes feels like Sakura treats him like a total idiot. He understands her point of view, but isn't he allowed to disagree anyway? She doesn't have to make her decisions because of him, but shouldn't he have the right if he wants to make his decisions because of her?

He closes his eyes, and sighs.

Stupid Sakura.

—

**A/N:** I don't have an excuse for not posting this yesterday, I just completely forgot. Apparently, having a social life makes you stop writing, and forget to post too. I miss writing every day.

Two chapters left! :)


	11. mo(u)rning

**mo(u)rning (february)**

—

Neji takes his time as he walks down the street, stopping by a bookstore along the way just because he feels like it.

It isn't often that such a laid back mindset overtakes him, leaving him without worries or a looming sense of responsibility, so when it does strike, he takes advantage of it. Today's weather is mild; the snow has already melted, although it won't warm up for a while yet.

His phone rings in his coat pocket, and he pulls it out and presses it to his ear. "Sakura?"

"Neji? Hi." Her voice sounds a little broken up, as voices often do over the phone. "Listen, you're not going to believe it, but no one's here yet. Sasuke just told me that he's going to be late, Ino has to run an emergency errand for her parents, and you know how Naruto and Shikamaru are in general. I know I can at least count on you and Hinata to show up more or less on time, but I was wondering if you could pick up a coffee for me beforehand? I'll pay you back."

"That's no problem," he says, making a beeline for the nearest café. "Although, I'm sorry to say that Hinata actually spiked a fever last night, so she's resting at home today." Pause. "I guess it's just going to be you and me."

There's a disbelieving silence on the other end of the line, before she laughs. "Okay," she says, the smile in her voice. "Just you and me. See you in a bit."

"See you."

Once Neji hangs up, he breathes in a lungful of February air, and exhales slowly.

And then he goes and buys Sakura's coffee.

—

She laughs when he arrives ten minutes later, setting the coffee on the table. "You look like you're struggling."

"I am." Neji frowns as he tries to tame his hair, rising from the static and refusing to stay down. "It's always like this in the winter; the weather is too dry."

"Yeah, I know. I used to have long hair too, a long time ago."

Today was supposed to be a study session to prepare for their upcoming exams. Entrance exams may be over, but they still have their own exams to prepare for. Of course, Neji can see why the others weaseled out of it. He and Sakura are at the library now, where it seems like many other students had the same idea as them.

"I can't imagine you with long hair," Neji comments. Sakura already has her books spread out in front of her and is diligently studying.

"Yeah, no one can," she says without looking up. "It doesn't matter though, since I don't plan to grow it out again. It just gets in the way, don't you think?" When he doesn't answer (too busy battling his hair that is now stuck in the zipper of his coat), she shoots him a glance. "That is exactly what I mean."

"It's only for a few months a year." Neji is frowning deeply. "It's fine."

She laughs. "If you say so. Thanks so much for the coffee, by the way—you're a lifesaver. I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Too much studying?" He finally frees his hair, and proceeds to get his books out too.

"No, just a lot of thinking."

"About?"

Sakura hums in response, so Neji isn't sure if she didn't hear him, or if she chose to ignore him. Either way, he doesn't ask again, so for a while, there's only silence and the scratching of pencils against paper.

Neji appreciates Sakura the way the other guys do: she's level-headed, smart, and easy to talk to. She's more of a listener than Ino, but more of a talker than Hinata—it's like she's the even ground between the two other girls, making the three of them together a nice balance. Neji has held several long, intelligent conversations with her about topics that he would never get a chance to discuss with anyone else, and if he could, he would spend more time with her than he has thus far.

And, of course, who else would he compete against for marks? No one even stood a chance against him until Sakura came along. That alone wins her many points in his book.

"Sakura?" She glances up at his voice when he flips his notebook so she can take a look at his notes. "I'm not entirely sure if I understand this concept…"

Neji helps with her Japanese homework, and Sakura helps with his English homework; it's their basic principle. He listens intently as she clarifies the examples, the English rolling off her tongue with much more familiarity than Japanese does. The way she pronounces the words almost sounds completely foreign, too—English focuses more on the nasal, and the sound of the Rs alone grates at Neji's ears a little.

"Wait." He holds up a hand. "What did you just say?"

It takes a moment before understanding clicks in Sakura's eyes. "Sorry," she says, and repeats herself, this time trying to integrate a Japanese accent into her English. It sounds awkward, and a little cute.

"Is this really how regular people speak English?" he asks once he finally understands, and they straighten up from huddling over his notebook.

Sakura laughs, a little harder than he thinks is necessary, so there must be something that he's missing. "No. Absolutely not. If you went to America with this kind of knowledge, you wouldn't be able to understand a thing people said."

"Would people be able to understand me?"

"…If they can get past the accent, then maybe." Her eyes twinkle with mirth, and a touch of mischief.

Neji props his chin on a palm, finding fun in watching her facial expressions. "Did you know how to speak Japanese before you came here? Or none at all?"

"A tiny bit, I guess. I mean, I only ever spoke it to my parents, so there was only a limited amount of vocabulary required anyway. But you remember how badly I communicated when I first came here, right?"

They both laugh at the memory. "Yeah," Neji agrees. "It was pretty bad." Her grammar was completely backwards, and a lot of the time, she communicated with hand gestures. Understanding the basic structure of a language, he supposes, does not automatically mean that one can easily grasp it.

"But I'm okay now, right? You guys get what I'm saying most of the time?"

"All of the time," he corrects. The improvement that Sakura made in just two years was a great leap, and although he may never tell that to her face, it is a truth that he readily accepts.

"Well," she smiles, "it does help that I didn't have a choice. If I did, I'd never speak in Japanese. In Japanese, I can only convey…you know, this. English homework, asking you to pick up some coffee for me."

"But sometimes, isn't that all we need?" He cocks his head to the side. "Some friends, some homework, and some coffee to keep us awake."

A small smile curls at Sakura's lips. "Yeah," she agrees. "I guess that's all we need."

—

"What's your favorite season?" Sakura asks when they pop out for some lunch.

"Autumn, perhaps?"

"Any particular reason?"

Neji breathes in the cold air for the second time today, exhaling in a puff of steam. "Not really. It's calm. Good reading weather."

Sakura claps her hands in agreement, but the sound is muffled by her mittens. "With a cup of tea, right?" she says excitedly. "Back in America, I used to read on the patio of my backyard. In the autumn, the trees would turn red, and when it was sunny, I'd go out with a book and a large mug of tea and just read all afternoon." Neji tries to imagine that—a large, western style house with a wide backyard and trees lining the fence. The image doesn't come to him easily.

"What kind of books do you like to read?" he asks instead, just as they reach the small ramen shop. Naruto would be mad that he missed out if he knew.

"Mm…I like a lot of books, but I've been reading Murakami Haruki recently. The first book of his that I ever read was the English translation of _1Q84_—and I thought it might help my Japanese if I read its original version. Of course, it's not going as fast or as smoothly as the first time. But I'm glad I am; some things are often lost in translation from one language to another—especially when Japanese and English are so different."

"_1Q84_?" Neji had seen the books several times in the bookstore, but it had never struck him to read it.

"Yeah, the title is a reference to George Orwell's _Nineteen Eighty-Four_. I'm guessing you haven't read that, though. It's really popular back in America—I had to study it in middle school."

On a cold Sunday afternoon, there are nearly no people in the ramen shop. They take a table by the wall and are handed menus. Neji skims the different items—to be honest, he isn't really interested in ramen. One tends to start finding it nauseating when he's friends with Naruto.

"Is it good? _Nineteen Eighty-Four_, I mean."

"It is! It's all about a…a, um…" Sakura stops mid-sentence, losing her words. Then she says something in English.

Neji blinks.

"Like, a world where everything is awful?"

"A dystopia," he tells her.

"Right. So it takes place in a dystopia. And where you're constantly watched—and of course, the novel itself was written in 1949, so it's kind of funny that it's actually true now! That we're always being watched, I mean. There are surveillance cameras everywhere, security cameras in our homes—and even if we didn't, I'm pretty sure someone would be able to hack into our computers and webcams, or our phones, or anything like that!" She grins. "Creepy, right?"

Rather than anything being creepy, Neji is just…appalled, really. Where has Sakura been all his life? It's no wonder that Sasuke likes her so much. Not only is she smart, but she does something with her brain. She thinks. How many people do that anymore these days?

"Are there any Japanese translations of _Nineteen Eighty-Four_?" he asks.

Sakura shrugs. "I don't know, I've never looked. But if there isn't, I can always read it to you, I guess." A silly grin blooms on her face. "And translate. That can be English practice too!"

Her cheerfulness seems to be contagious, because Neji finds himself smiling too, on the verge of chuckling. "Yes, that would be good."

Their conversation is cut short when a waitress comes and takes their orders. Silence falls between them even when they're left alone again, but Neji's mind is now full of new thoughts that he didn't have before.

He used to read to Hinata when they were children. Hinata was quiet and shy, so she spent little time playing outside with her classmates. Before she knew how to read, Neji read to her books he found interesting: fact books about sharks, stories of boys doing hero-esque things—in fact, it's a wonder that she didn't grow up to be a delinquent. He never read her books that other girls her age were interested in, with princess stories and frilly dresses, and when she was old enough to read for herself, those books were not her first choice either.

In many ways, Hinata is the light of Neji's life, in the quiet way that she strives for results and the way she doesn't need praise to keep her going. Neji is proud of her and the way she's grown up, and sees her as more of a sister than a cousin.

"Sasuke tells me you're going into law," Sakura says, pulling him from his thoughts. "Are you really going to?"

"Yeah." He takes a drink of his tea. "It seems interesting."

"Law is hard, man."

He raises his eyebrows. "You're going into medicine—I really don't think you're in any position to talk."

Sakura laughs into her fist. "Yeah, that's true."

"Has Sasuke decided what he's going to do yet? Or no?"

"I think he's going to dawdle around university for a while until he figures it out." She shrugs. "We haven't really talked about that for a while."

Neji tilts his head in thanks to the waitress when she arrives with their orders, but doesn't take his eyes off Sakura. "Are you guys still fighting?" Ever since that day, Neji hasn't seen Sasuke and Sakura talk as much as they used to. Sasuke has been looking more depressed too, and that's saying something, since his default facial expression is already grumpy.

She listlessly eats her ramen and drinks the soup from her spoon. "Sort of? I don't know. Every time I try to bring up post-secondary, he changes the conversation. It's getting a little annoying."

"He's scared. And also probably offended that he made a decision that you totally rejected by saying he needs to make a different decision."

Sakura opens her mouth to say something, but nothing does, and she closes it again.

Neji blinks. "You do realize that that's what happened, right? He says he wants to go where you go for university, and you tell him to make a choice for himself and not for you. He _did_ make a choice for himself. He chose you."

She puts down her spoon and chopsticks. "Oh. I didn't think about it that way."

American. She is so American.

"I mean, it's just…Sasuke is my first boyfriend, and I've always been scared that I'd be the overly clingy girlfriend, you know?"

"You are absolutely not clingy," Neji says solemnly.

"And so whenever I'm with him, I tell myself to not be too attached, and I always remind myself that we're still in high school and there's still loads ahead of us and we might not be together forever like I always hope we'll be—and I guess I'm trying to be realistic, because if that's the case, then I won't be disappointed, right?"

"I think Shikamaru is rubbing off on you," is what Neji decides on saying, even though what he wants to say is _wow, how much do you like the guy?_

"Neji," Sakura says flatly, "I thought you'd be a little more insightful than Naruto, at least."

He remains quiet for a moment to gather his thoughts. "I think," he says slowly, "that you and Sasuke just see things in different ways. And it looks to me like neither of you want to split up, so why are you preparing for that? It's just university, so how far could you possibly be from each other? Assuming that you didn't go to the same place, Japan is still small."

"Japan isn't the only place in the world with universities," she points out. "Not to mention with good medical programs, too."

Neji stares at her for a moment. "Sakura…"

Her attention returns to her ramen, determined to not make eye contact with him anymore. "I'm just saying," her voice is trembling slightly, "that feelings aren't the only thing that keep people together. If…if liking someone were enough, I'd never leave Sasuke's side."

It had never occurred to Neji that Sakura would be that attached to Sasuke. She continues to eat, looking slightly miserable, and he feels a little bad for bringing up the subject at all.

He returns to his food too, just so the weight of his stare doesn't make her uncomfortable. "So where are you going to study?" he asks casually. Her movements momentarily freeze. "You've decided, haven't you?"

Sakura shoves a particularly large bite of noodles into her mouth and takes her time chewing, even though she nearly chokes on it. Neji waits patiently, because he's never seen her look this anxious before; to him, Sakura has always been composed and prepared—never scared, never wavering.

He almost doesn't want to hear her answer, because if he finds out first, he might be the one responsible for breaking the news to Sasuke.

"I'll be going back to America," Sakura says quietly once she's swallowed. "My mom is still over there—I'll be living with her."

"…Oh."

"I just don't think my Japanese is up to par to study medicine with, and there are family reasons too, I guess. My parents want me back over there."

"And you don't get a say in this?"

"Well, I do. The final decision lies with me. But…I'm going to go. I've already sent in application forms and everything."

Somehow, all of this feels so sudden. There are only a few more weeks left until they graduate—and this is the first time Neji's heard such big news. He himself is planning to stay in Japan, at the very least—but America? Never mind a different country. That's the other side of the world.

For some reason, Neji thought this would last. Even though they'd all grow up and go their different ways, he never thought they'd never be too far apart. He thought they'd always be within reach of each other.

If Sakura is going so far away, who's to say that anyone else won't?

"Do you think Sasuke would follow me all the way to America?" Sakura jokes weakly. "Waste all that money just to get a degree that he could get here? Struggle with a different language and live without his family? All just for me?" Her smile is sad. "He wouldn't, would he?"

Neji shakes his head. "I don't know, Sakura. That's not something I can answer for you."

But Sasuke might. If Neji's friendship with him has taught him anything, it's that although Sasuke is kind to everyone, he's only ever believed in one person, and that is Naruto.

But now, Sasuke also believes in someone else. He believes in Sakura.

This girl who he hasn't known for even half as long as he's known Naruto for, has somehow made him believe in her just as fiercely.

So Neji doesn't know what Sasuke will do. All Neji knows is that if both Sakura and Sasuke disappear to the other side of the world, things around here will get very, very lonely.

All he's ever wanted was a good life and his friends with him. Is that selfish to ask for?

Yeah, he thinks as he watches Sakura eat quietly, her eyes heavy with a sadness he would never wish upon anyone. Yeah, it's pretty selfish of him.

—

This is the kind of life Neji imagines for himself:

A small but tidy apartment, preferably with a minimalistic design. A closet with enough suits and ties to last him at least a week, going to work during the day and coming home at night, maybe after a few drinks with his colleagues.

He doesn't really want much. These are the things that make sense to him: education, careers, financial stability—things that some people take for granted. He never wants to take the little things for granted; they are far too precious to let go of, and if they disappear without your noticing, the hole they leave behind is gaping and painful.

Neji hasn't lived long, but in his nineteen years of living, he's discovered that people are terrifyingly fragile.

Sakura hasn't been talkative since lunch, and he doesn't push her into any sort of conversation. They return to the library shortly after Neji receives a text from Sasuke, apologizing for being so late and that he'll be there soon. Neji just hopes that Sakura breaks the news of her studying abroad to him as gently as possible.

"What would you have done?" she asks after a while, putting down her pencil. "Would you have left everything behind just to study somewhere else?"

Neji thinks for a moment, before shaking his head. "Probably not. I don't want to be too far from Hinata—or any of you guys, for that matter."

She smiles wryly. "So does that make me selfish?"

"Of course not. It just means you value yourself. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I hope so."

In Neji's eyes, Sakura is one of the strongest people he knows, from her ideals to the way she tackles all of her problems head-on. But because he knows how breakable people are, seeing her like this scares him.

He wonders why it's so scary.

"Will you miss him?" he asks, even though he means _will you miss us? Will you come back? Or is Japan going to become just a dream to you that will fade over time?_

"Stupid question," Sakura replies. "When I left America, I was only fifteen—I didn't know how to make strong friendships. I haven't contacted most of my friends from over there since I came here. I know I'm not much older now, but I am older—Sasuke matters to me, and so do the rest of you, and…"

She clamps her mouth shut, and Neji peers at her curiously to find out why—and then freaks out because he realizes she's trying very hard not to cry.

"I hate this decision, Neji, I r-really don't want to go but I know it'll be good for me in the long run…"

Crap. He doesn't know how to deal with crying girls.

"And I don't know how to tell Sasuke—I don't know what kind of expression to make…I'm so upset but I don't want him to see me like this…"

Neji fidgets in his seat. "I think it's less about how you tell him and more about the fact that you tell him at all. Sasuke's not the kind of guy who can't take a little crying. In fact, I think he would appreciate it if you did—he sometimes feels a little inferior to you, and it'd be good for him to know that he can support you in ways too."

With shaking shoulders and even shakier breaths, Sakura roughly wipes away her tears with the heels of her hands. "I hate crying," she says decisively, even though her eyes are still pink and puffy. "I promised myself years ago that I wouldn't cry and make people worry anymore."

"Nobody worries about you. We care, that's all. Why won't you let us?"

She's quiet for a moment. "It's hard to," she says, "when sometimes, caring is what tears people apart."

Neji isn't quite sure what she means, but figures it's not something he should know about anyway. Sakura is open and easy to talk to, yes, but she is also surprisingly private.

Sakura smiles at him a little, relenting and almost like she's given up all hope. "Tell me, Neji." It doesn't sound like she's expecting an answer. "How do I tell Sasuke—how do I tell everyone that I'm leaving for the other side of the world in two months?"

"You're leaving?"

Both Neji and Sakura freeze in their seats. Neji's head shoots around as he turns, his hair whipping over his shoulder. Behind him stands Sasuke, just having turned the corner to reach the table where they're sitting; his hair is damp from the snow and there is a grey scarf wrapped snugly around his neck.

He swallows. "Sasuke…"

"You're leaving?" Sasuke repeats, ignoring Neji. His eyes are trained solely on Sakura.

Her brow is creased with worry. "Um, yeah."

"You're leaving." He sounds disbelieving.

"I was going to tell you eventually."

Sasuke's shoulders slump, and one of the straps of his backpack slips down his arm.

"You're leaving."


	12. another ending

**another ending (march)**

—

"We are all gathered here today for this special event…"

Shikamaru yawns loudly, tilting his head to the side to keep his tassel out of his face. He can see his mother shooting him a glare from the audience for doing something so unseemly in front of a crowd.

To him, graduating high school isn't special at all. Anyone who remotely matters does it—on the other hand though, graduating university might be different. Although he can't imagine it being any less boring than what's happening right now.

Today's weather is warm, but they're cooped up in the school's gymnasium, holding their convocation. Shikamaru is wearing an uncomfortable suit under his gown, and his hair really does not agree with the graduation cap, because wearing it requires him to untie his ponytail. Naruto did not hold back his laughter when he saw Shikamaru, and even Sasuke and Neji were awful enough to snort and chuckle in his general direction.

This is it, huh? High school is over. Three years of their lives that they'll never get back.

There needs to be more than this.

After the long and boring speeches, and every single student walks across the stage to receive their diplomas from their principal, Sarutobi-sensei, everyone files outside to find their friends and families to take pictures. Shikamaru yawns again, and wonders if he could get away with sleeping in a classroom somewhere.

But of course, that doesn't happen. The moment he tries to weave himself through the crowd, a hand grabs his wrist, tugging and pulling.

"We need to get a good spot before all of them are taken!" Ino's blonde hair is a startling clash to the black of their gowns and caps. "We're _graduating_, Shikamaru, look a little more excited!"

"I'm not excited," he replies dully, but allows himself to be guided outside, temporarily blinded by the sun.

"Well," Ino scolds without real malice, "you should be."

Once Shikamaru has full vision again of his surroundings, they are across the soccer field where the trees are planted. Typical of Ino; she probably scouted out good photographing locations a week ago to ensure top quality pictures. He can already see their parents coming over, with Ino's camera slung around her father's neck.

"You were in front of hundreds of parents and families!" his mother fusses once they reach them. "And of course, you had to yawn. Your mouth was like a gaping black hole."

"No one got sucked in, did they?" he asks dryly, and his father laughs, proudly patting him on the shoulder. (Shikamaru doesn't have the gall to think it's for his smart remark instead of having just graduated.)

They take pictures, and whenever Ino isn't in the picture, she's the one behind the camera. Shikamaru has always wondered how she found so much joy with photography, but then again, he doesn't find much joy with anything. It's good that there are things that make her smile—Ino is the most beautiful when she's happy.

(_She's never going to know, is she?_)

"Sakura! Over here!" Ino jumps and waves to catch her friend's attention. Sakura's with Hinata and Neji, and the three of them come over. The parents step back so the graduates can take some pictures, appropriate ones and goofy ones, and okay, maybe this isn't so bad, because Ino is forcibly pulling at his cheeks to make him smile, and Sakura is tugging at the ends of his hair, saying that if he tries, it might be longer than Neji's hair one day.

Sasuke and Naruto join them not long after, and of course, chaos ensues. But maybe that's what this is about. Maybe high school was supposed to be full of stupidity and bad mistakes and fake boyfriends, and people almost dying and lazy get-togethers and sleepovers at small and cramped apartments.

Maybe that was the point of it, and Shikamaru spent too much time trying to find something other than that, and missed it all.

"Sakura, take a few pictures of me and Shikamaru!"

"Aw, wish you could date him again?"

"Don't be silly. Childhood friends, best friends, whatever you want to call it. I want to remember that Shikamaru was here too." Ino links arms with him and smiles brightly, and he can't help but think that even if he did miss it all, that's okay, because she didn't and even if it's not perfect, she will always be here to pull him back and put things into a little perspective.

Today, they've graduated. Today, they are no longer children anymore.

Shikamaru doesn't know how to feel about that.

—

The next day is the actual graduation banquet. The sky is cloudy, which is typical of spring weather. The air is warm but damp when Shikamaru opens the window of his room; it's going to rain later.

It's a little after noon when Naruto calls him, yelling loudly into the phone for him to come to Sasuke's house, pronto. With a flat voice, Shikamaru asks why.

"Neji said the girls started getting ready _hours_ ago! Dude, if we don't step up our game, we're going to look like greasy, washed-out losers compared to them."

"They're girls, Naruto," Shikamaru reminds him. "They need to get their hair and makeup and nails done. We literally only need to throw on our clothes and go."

"…Yeah, well, we're having a gaming party over here, so you really don't want to miss out."

He sighs. Of course.

So with his things in tow and his suit slung over his shoulder, he pops his head into the living room where his parents are. "I'm going to Sasuke's place. See you guys later tonight?"

"I trust you won't somehow make yourself look like a fool?" his mother tuts, but affectionately and with a slight smile to her lips. It's a little scary.

"Relax, Mom, I couldn't bother to even if I tried."

Shikaku holds a hand up in a wave. "See you later."

He's halfway to Sasuke's house when he stops in his tracks. Shoot. He should've brought an umbrella.

Then he mentally shrugs, and continues on his way.

Funnily enough, it is not Sasuke who answers the door, but Neji. "He's having an intense battle with Naruto right now," is the explanation as he lets Shikamaru in. Shikamaru meanders through Sasuke's house and into the living room, knowing it as well as he knows his own home, and treating it as such when he tosses his suit over the back of the couch and picks up a unopened can of soda off the coffee table.

"Yo, Shikamaru," is Naruto's greeting. He's sitting cross-legged on the floor with a game controller in his hands, his eyes never once leaving the television. Sasuke doesn't even bother to greet him, treating his match with Naruto just as seriously as a life-or-death battle.

"Why did you invite me over if you're not even going to look at me?" he mutters, flopping onto the couch. Neji sits down beside him in a much more dignified manner.

"Traditional pre-grad party," Neji answers for Naruto, making quotation marks with his hands and rolling his eyes. "But then again, I assume that this is much more entertaining than what the girls are doing right now."

"Even Hinata went too?" Shikamaru asks. "Weird, I thought she'd be less maintenance."

"You think I know anything about girls, Shikamaru?"

"You're the only one out of us who's actually living with one," Sasuke says. That bastard, he'd been listening the entire time and he didn't even bother to greet Shikamaru. Who's the dick now?

"Just because I live with a girl doesn't mean I do girl things with her," Neji snaps, although Shikamaru doesn't know why he bothers, because he's given crap for living with Hinata all the time. Shikamaru drinks his soda and watches Sasuke and Naruto's game on the television, cracking a yawn.

In the distance, thunder rumbles, low and deep. If anything, those "high maintenance" girls are going to be very upset if it rains all over them later tonight.

"Speaking of girls," Naruto says, sounding distracted because his attention is more on the game. "Sasuke, what are you going to do?"

"About what?" Sasuke asks, just as distracted.

Shikamaru takes another drink of his soda.

"Sakura. You never did tell us what you decided on. Are you following her to America?"

Sasuke snorts. "Are you kidding me? My parents shot it down the moment I mentioned it. No way I'm going to America if I don't even have a solid plan for my future yet. It's a waste of time and money."

The beeping and explosions from the television. And then Naruto: "I'm sorry, man. Really."

"Yeah, whatever."

If having your girlfriend study abroad on the other side of the world is anything like having unrequited feelings for your childhood friend for three years, then Shikamaru can kind of understand what Sasuke's going through.

"Are you guys going to try for a long distance relationship?" Neji asks.

The game finally ends, and Sasuke tosses his controller onto the floor. With slow and sluggish movements, he turns so he's facing Neji and Shikamaru. "Is there any other choice?" he asks dully.

"Well," Shikamaru says, "you guys can always just break it off right now. Who can even guarantee that you guys will last—"

"We're not breaking up," Sasuke says roughly. "She's already doing this to me—I'm not letting her cut all ties too."

Shikamaru tilts his head in question. "Is that your decision, or hers?"

Sasuke's lips are pressed into a thin line. "Ours. We talked about it already."

A silence lingers in the room as the four of them sit together, Neji and Shikamaru on the couch, Sasuke and Naruto on the floor. Despite the fact that tonight is a celebratory event, it doesn't feel like one—not when there are so many endings, when there are so many goodbyes that Shikamaru didn't anticipate himself resenting.

"When is she leaving?" Naruto hazards, his regular exuberance muted.

Sasuke sniffs indignantly. "Next month. But she said she'll be back during holidays, so I'll see her during Christmas and her summer break."

"But isn't her mom in America?" Neji tucks his hair behind his ear—an action that often has Shikamaru snorting, because it's so effeminate. "Why wouldn't she want to spend Christmas over there with her?"

"Her mom's over there?" Naruto asks in surprise. "Why?"

Sasuke shrugs. "Hell if I know. Who cares, anyway? She's going to be gone in a month and at that point, it wouldn't matter if her mom were in Antarctica. Sakura still wouldn't stay."

Shikamaru continues to drink his soda, wordless.

"I'm going to stay here," Naruto says. He's the only one who's completely unafraid of Sasuke when he's in a bad mood. "Found a job already."

"I'm going to Tokyo," Neji joins in.

"Oh? Cool, me too." Shikamaru smiles wryly at him. "Looks like we'll be stuck together for a little while longer. Sasuke? What about you?"

Sasuke has already turned to face the television again, switching the game settings for one player only. "I'm staying here too," he says. "Until I finally figure out what I want to do with my life. Then I'll transfer, if I need to."

Not everything is bleak, Shikamaru thinks. Not everything is hopeless. This is all just a part of growing up—some people move faster than others, some take different paths. Some people experience more pitfalls, and some have the fortune to find a happier road to walk along. In the end, even if they're all alone, they're never completely alone. Not really, anyway.

Shikamaru glances out the window. "Maybe we should get ready now," he suggests. "And get there early, to avoid the rain."

"Forget the rain," Neji says. "It's going to storm."

—

The venue is decorated with white, silver, and lavender in all forms—balloons, streamers, table settings, centerpieces. Along the front is where the stage is, with a podium and sound system. The rest of the area is full of tables, ready to seat hundreds of students and families.

Shikamaru has his hands shoved into his pockets, standing with Neji off to the side while Sasuke and Naruto are checking out the rest of the venue. In the end, even though those two argue all the time, they're still best friends. Their friendship with each other has always been a little stronger than their friendships with anyone else. Shikamaru wonders what it's like, to have a friend you can count on no matter what, and to also not be in love with her.

"Any idea when the girls will get here?" Shikamaru drawls to Neji. "I'm getting bored."

"They are not your playthings," Neji shoots back, but pulls his phone out of his pocket to send Hinata a text. His hair is done like it usually is, tied at the ends in a loose ponytail—except today, it's kept together with a pink ribbon. Shikamaru is the one who tied it there himself, the ribbon supplied kindly by Naruto. Neji still doesn't know it's there.

All the way on the opposite side of the venue, Shikamaru spots Naruto and Sasuke, bickering—or are they arguing? Sasuke looks a little too genuinely angry for it to be a meaningless quarrel, if the way he turns away from Naruto with a scowl is any indication.

"What are you thinking about?" Neji prompts when Shikamaru continues to watch their two friends, quiet.

"That it's been years and Sasuke is still too uptight," he mutters, finally tearing his eyes away. "It physically hurts to watch them sometimes."

Neji shrugs, casual in a way that has Shikamaru wondering if he's got a few loose screws in his head too. "It does, but Naruto gets through to Sasuke in a way that we can't. Isn't that enough?"

He glances at Neji. "That's enough for you?"

"It's not enough for you?"

Shikamaru falls silent, and focuses his attention on Sasuke and Naruto again. "Guess I'm just jealous," he mutters. Regardless of whether Neji hears him or not, he doesn't respond.

Shikamaru pushes himself off the wall, and without a word, strolls away and out the door. This thing hasn't even started yet, and he already can't breathe.

—

Ino is stunning tonight.

Which really is no surprise, because she never looks anything less on a regular basis, but this needs to be said. She is absolutely stunning.

"I can't believe you're going to Tokyo and you didn't even tell me," she snaps at him. "I had to find out through Sasuke. Sasuke, of all people! Why don't you tell me anything?"

Shikamaru shrugs, feigning the nonchalance that he has long since mastered. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does! Since I'm staying here—"

"I know, you've only told me that a hundred times—"

"You would _think_ to have some decency to tell me your decision once you've made it." She frowns, in a way that has Shikamaru's heart twisting uncomfortably. "I'll miss seeing you around."

"It's not like we'll never see each other again. I do live here, you know; I'll be back between semesters."

"Yeah, but—" Ino falls silent for a moment, and then speaks again, much softer, "First it's Sakura leaving, and then you. It'll be—I don't know, lonely. You two are my closest friends."

Shikamaru can't tell her that half of the reason why he's going to Tokyo is to put some space between them. He figures that if seeing her almost daily for three years straight hasn't done anything good for his feelings, maybe he should take this opportunity to get away, clear his head. He needs to do more than this—he needs to be more than this. He needs to be more than the boy next door who can't be bothered enough to change his own world.

If there's any time to grow up, after all, it's now.

A loud clap of thunder saves him the hassle of giving her a meaningful response that she'll be satisfied with. (_Like an "I'll miss you too"—that's something he can never, ever say._) "Good thing you guys made it here before it started to rain," he says.

"Yeah, Hinata was pretty worried about that," Ino replies, easily going along with the subject change, since that's what he's been doing all their lives. "She was pretty determined to look good for Naruto tonight, even though she didn't say it out loud."

Shikamaru raises an eyebrow. "So? Are you ready to take Sasuke's breath away?"

A heartbeat, and Ino shakes her head. "Nope. Not impressing anyone tonight. No one's breath to take away."

_You take mine away,_ Shikamaru wants to say. "Glad we're on the same wavelength," he says instead. Ino laughs, and punches his arm affectionately.

"Save me a dance later?" she requests, and he doesn't have the heart to say no.

—

"They're talking about us," Sasuke mutters when he glances at the next table over. "They're talking about us and probably sharing embarrassing childhood stories."

"Guess it's a good thing my parents aren't around anymore," Naruto says cheerily. "I would've had a ton of those." Everyone glances at him as he continues to eat his food without a second thought, mentioning his dead parents like it's normal. Shikamaru supposes it is, for him.

"My dad looks so uncomfortable," Sakura says. "It looks like he wants to die."

While they're all sitting together at one table, their parents are split into two other tables, exchanging small talk about their children as is expected of parents to do at such events.

"I think it's nice," Hinata says with a smile. "We hang out all the time, so maybe our parents should too, once in a while."

"It's creepy," Shikamaru and Ino retaliates in sync, which leaves everyone else laughing.

"Hey, Sakura." Naruto redirects the conversation in Sakura's direction, and Shikamaru returns to his dessert, pushing the slice of cake around on the plate. "Why is your mom all the way in America?"

Sasuke shoots a glare at him and Sakura says something nonchalant about her mother's job, but Shikamaru isn't particularly paying attention anymore. He lost interest in tonight long before tonight even started, and he just wants to find a corner to sleep in until the entire thing is over.

But of course, that isn't what happens. He finds himself dancing with Hinata first, and then Ino—which has Sasuke shooting glances at him, perhaps in question or slight worry, but Shikamaru can never tell because Sasuke doesn't know that his face is used to express his emotions. Ino is warm against him and he's taken back to those two weeks they dated, the frayed and faded memory of her lips on his in their only kiss, and just the honest desire for her to find her own happiness. He's the only one who can tell that she's a little sad tonight, so because of that, he pulls her a tiny bit closer, makes sure to let her know that although he might not be Sasuke, he will still be forever and always.

Naruto shows them pictures of the day before and they all laugh at Shikamaru's untied hair, and reminisce the good times. Staying after school to do projects. Clean-up duty. Field trips. Lunch in the bleachers. They're never going to eat there ever again.

"Congratulations on graduating," Ino says, looking up at him with a smile. The faint grey of her eyeshadow is sparkling in the dim evening night. "We were so excited to grow up when we were kids, remember?"

"That was you," Shikamaru says. "Not me."

She laughs, and pushes his arm affectionately. "I think you wanted to too, even if it was just a little. You were always too bored with what you had. So? Is growing up everything you ever imagined it to be?"

He looks at her with her grey eyeshadow and red lips and curled hair. He looks at Naruto and Sasuke and Neji—Sasuke dancing with Sakura, Naruto and Neji arguing about something that is probably as inconsequential as jam on toast versus butter and jam on toast. Hinata is desperately watching the both of them, trying to find a way to dissipate the fight.

"Yeah," he says, his gaze returning to Ino, who is watching him with expectant eyes. "I think it is."

She smiles and links her arm through his, gently tugging until they reach their group of friends. Shikamaru walks with her, his feet feeling surprisingly light despite all the weight they have to carry. "Me too."

—

The sky is still gloomy when Shikamaru steps outside.

The loud music inside can be heard even beyond the doors. The venue has become suffocating, so he took a step out for a moment. He's never liked big events like these, and he wouldn't have come at all if it weren't for everyone forcing him to do so. His mouth cracks open in a monstrous yawn, the tears prickling at his eyes.

Shikamaru walks across the wet pavement of the parking lot to the field beyond. There are a few others with the same idea as him, in small groups as they stroll along the grass. Shikamaru is the only one who's alone.

In a few weeks, he and Neji will be leaving for Tokyo, leaving the others behind. Sakura will be flying off to America. This whirs around his head a million times and no matter how many times he mulls over it and everything that could happen, his heart just can't keep up with his mind.

He feels a tap on his shoulder, and stops in his tracks. When Shikamaru turns around, there stands Sakura, her hands clasped behind her back and a small smile at her lips.

"You danced with Ino and Hinata, but not me," she accuses, but with no real malice.

Tonight, Sakura is wearing a short white dress, looking fancier than Shikamaru ever imagined her to look. A thin silver necklace hangs around her neck, the small heart pendant resting between her collarbones.

"You have Sasuke," he drawls lazily. "You don't need me."

"Don't be stupid." Sakura's hands rest on his shoulders, keeping an innocent distance between their bodies as she prompts him into a sway, following the beat of the slow song thrumming from inside the venue. "I dance with everyone."

"Sasuke will be jealous."

"He was already jealous when I danced with Naruto. It really doesn't matter."

Shikamaru raises an eyebrow, and gives in, letting his hands touch her waist. "You don't care about how Sasuke feels?"

Sakura shakes her head. "I care about how Sasuke feels, but I will not sacrifice my friends or the way I live my life because of it. And he shouldn't either."

Americans. "Ah."

"What? You don't agree?"

"It's just an interesting way of looking at things." The grass crumbles softly underneath their feet.

Sakura's head tilts downwards in a quiet laugh. "You Japanese people. Sheep, all of you." There's an intonation to her voice that tells Shikamaru that he isn't supposed to know exactly what she's talking about.

"You're Japanese too," he points out.

"Not really." When she looks up at him, there's a gleam in her eyes—the gleam of a foreigner, an outsider, of someone who doesn't always understand. "Not completely."

"Are you excited?" he asks instead. "To go home." _Home_ meaning America—because Shikamaru gets the feeling that Sakura has never seen this place as more than something temporary.

She chooses her words carefully. "A little bit. There aren't many of them around here, but back where I live, there are large parks with public barbecues and ponds with ducks that you can feed bread to—camping sites, and I used to go there a lot with my parents as a child. And when you go shopping, the salespeople don't jump on you the moment lay your eyes on something. And—" She freezes then, as though choking on her on words that just suddenly began tumbling from her mouth. "And the houses there are bigger than the ones you can find here for the same price. Big enough to fit a family, with a living room and kitchen and a patio in the backyard…" The song in the background has ended and is replaced by a catchy and upbeat tune, but they continue to sway, stepping slowly to the rhythmic beating of their hearts instead.

"You miss it," Shikamaru says, a simple response to her long speech.

"I'll miss here too," Sakura admits. "I mean, the air is so polluted that you only see blue sky once a month, and the people move so fast that it's a wonder they notice anything that happens around them at all, but…there's banana milk here. And my dad. And Sasuke. And all of you. I'll miss you guys the most."

"Hey," he says with a faint smirk, "it's your fault for getting attached in the first place."

"Your fault for being likable," she teases back with a small smile herself.

"Me, likable? Hardly."

"You're more likable than you think, you know. I'm quite fond of you."

Shikamaru raises an eyebrow at her, and she just shrugs. "I think you're interesting. Lots of things going around in your head that you never talk about. It's fun trying to analyze you."

He doesn't bother to tell her that she would be sorely disappointed if she knew what he thought about all day. Somewhere inside of him, he feels a tiny flame of regret for not getting to know Sakura more.

She takes in a deep breath, slow and long, and exhales at the same pace. "You know the smell right after it rains? It's my favorite scent; we have a word for that in English." She spells it out, the English letters sounding much more fluid on her tongue than her sometimes choppy Japanese. "_Petrichor._ The smell of rain on dry earth. The smell of the sky crying. The smell of something reborn, and something new."

Petrichor. Shikamaru smiles a little at that, and Sakura smiles too.

—

Later that night—much later that night—when the party has finally dwindled down and people are gathering their belongings, he stands with Sasuke.

"There should be a guidebook for women," Shikamaru says, watching his mother fuss over something that he can't fathom.

Sasuke snorts. "There should be a guidebook for American women."

"I think you're doing just fine with Sakura." Shikamaru shrugs. "You guys will be okay."

"You don't know that."

"Dude, I have the IQ of Einstein. Yeah, I know."

Sasuke doesn't dignify him with a response, and they stand quietly for the next few minutes as they watch their families do last minute things. Shikamaru can see Sasuke's brother taking a picture of everyone's parents together in a group picture.

"You're still my someone, you know," he says lazily, trying to pass it off as nonchalance. "Even if I don't always talk about my feelings, and even if I'm all the way in Tokyo."

"Okay."

"And I guess I won't be offended if Naruto's your someone."

"We're all each other's someone. There are no lines."

Shikamaru likes that—being each other's someone. It's a vague enough title to keep the corniness at bay, but blunt enough to indicate that it means something. He's never really thought about it, but maybe it'd be okay sometimes—to be proper friends and to help each other out, even if it means pitching in for calculator funds or saving a life or two.

"Did Neji ever find out about the bow in his hair?" he asks, getting uncomfortable from all of the mushy feelings in his belly.

Sasuke snorts. "Yeah, because Hinata was too nice not to say anything."

"Dammit, I was hoping he wouldn't notice for the entire night."

"Don't worry—I think Naruto got pictures."

Their conversation is interrupted when their parents wave them over to finally leave for the night. Shikamaru heaves a great sigh and shoves his hands deep into his pockets, his back curved into its signature slouch.

"See you sometime soon?" he says to Sasuke, tilting his head in question. "Even if it's just another gaming party."

Sasuke's eyebrows rise in surprise, because Shikamaru is rarely the one to make plans. "Sure, that sounds good. I'll text you guys."

"Cool, see you later."

"See you."

Shikaku claps him hard on the back once Shikamaru reaches him. His mother straightens the handkerchief in his breast pocket with a proud smile set on her lips, even though there's no one to impress anymore. He follows his parents out into the parking lot and gets into the car, breathes in the smell of petrichor, and—for the first time in a long time, he feels good.

He feels like everything will be okay.

* * *

**A/N:** And that's the end! I felt like this chapter makes a good connection with the first, so I hope you guys think so too. After great contemplating, I'm going to write an epilogue—that will, hopefully, be posted next week! And there will be something a little different about it. ;)


	13. epilogue

**epilogue (april again, because this is how life passes you by: unnoticeably, in cycles that you think are always the same, except they're not, because every year, you breathe different air, you do different things, you feel different emotions surging through your veins. you change even though you don't notice. you are different than you were on this very day, one year ago. you are better.)**

—

Neji is the first to go.

They all sit in a café near the train station, each of them nursing a caffeinated drink of some sort. Even though it's one o'clock of the afternoon and she still hasn't had lunch yet, with the coffee in her belly, Sakura is not hungry.

Even though Neji is the one studying in Tokyo, Hinata and her father go with him too, just to help him settle down. They'll be back in a day or two—just in time to see Shikamaru off, because he was too lazy to book his train ticket and only managed to get a crappy last minute one that leaves at midnight on a Wednesday.

Train stations in Japan are all about the minimalism, the sleek metal, the quick efficiency and clean surfaces that Sakura has never seen in America. It is only Neji's departure that reminds her that it won't be long before it's her turn, too.

"Why are _you_ leaving so soon, anyway?" Ino asks with a slight twinge of betrayal in her voice. "I get Shikamaru and Neji, but doesn't school start in September for you?"

Sakura shrugs. "I don't know. My mom was the one who booked my flight, not me."

The truth that she doesn't tell is that her grandmother on her mother's side passed away just two days ago, and her flight next week is the latest one she can take without missing the funeral. No one knows this, of course, except for Sasuke—because she had learned the hard way, that keeping secrets from him is not something she ever wants to do.

(There had been a lot of yelling on his part. Of course, that may have actually been better than the staggering silence before the yelling commenced. There had been two days of that, and that had scared her more than anything. Sakura is composed on the outside, but that's only because she doesn't want to let on how afraid she really is underneath all of that.)

Sasuke understands, now. Or at least, he tries to. And when he doesn't, he doesn't fault her for it. That's why she loves him.

(_And sometimes she wonders too, if it's appropriate to use that word, to say she loves someone—how does she know for sure? How is she to tell that they won't end up like her parents? She can't. No one ever knows for sure._)

"Sakura?" It's Naruto's voice that tugs her from her reverie.

"Huh?" She blinks the vision back into her eyes, to find everyone staring at her expectantly. "Sorry, I missed that. What did you say?"

"I asked you when your flight is exactly. So we can see you off!"

"Who said I wanted you to see me off?" she teases, as she often does with Naruto, which draws a laugh out of everyone. Naruto juts his bottom lip out in a pout, but it doesn't stay for long, as Sakura then relents her flight information.

Half an hour later, when they head to the platform and the generic woman's voice announces throughout the station that the next train will be arriving soon, everyone begins to say their goodbyes. Theirs are not quite as final as Sakura's, and, unabashed despite knowing how all boys around here feel about being touched by a girl, she pulls Neji into a tight hug. She feels him stiffen in her arms for a brief moment before he pats her awkwardly on the back, but she doesn't care.

Neji is the most diligent and sensible out of all of the boys, and no matter where in the world she is, she's going to miss how great of a help he always is and how willing he always is to lend an ear or a shoulder. He made her laugh with his occasional embarrassment or cluelessness—and especially his accent when he spoke English. That's her favorite part about him.

"We'll keep in touch?" he asks when she pulls out of the hug. A faint blush dusts his cheeks, and Naruto snickers about something like having a crush on Sakura.

She nods and smiles. "Facebook does wonders. Not that it matters, since you go on it maybe once a month."

"I'll go on more, for you." A twinkle in his eye.

Sakura grins and they fist bump to seal the deal. "Alright. There'll be consequences if you don't!"

Neji, Hinata, and Hinata's father step onto the train and the doors slide shut with the warning bells, and as Sakura waves goodbye at them with everyone else through the window, she is still able to smile because it hasn't quite hit her yet.

—

Shikamaru, predictably, is next.

Ino is all prideful but sniffly, which Sakura thinks is a terrible combination. She's fussing over him like a mother who is afraid for her son and a girl who just desperately doesn't want her childhood friend to leave her behind.

"Ino," Shikamaru has to say solemnly, holding her by the shoulders to keep her steady and at arm's length. "I'm not going to war. I'm not going to die. I'm coming back."

"Do I _look_ sad enough for you to be going to war?" she snaps.

_Yes,_ Sakura thinks. _Yes you do._

But then Shikamaru says something that doesn't quite make sense to her, and Ino puffs her cheeks in feigned anger for only a moment, and then she relents, the smile blossoming across her face the way it always does despite her best efforts whenever she's around Shikamaru.

There are a million things Sakura wants to say to Shikamaru, simply because they have never talked too much in the years that she's known him. She wants to pull his hair loose and laugh at him, she wants to throw impossible equations and problems and formulas at him and watch as he solves them. She wants to lie in the grass and watch the clouds together—to make him laugh a little more, because he never really seemed to laugh enough.

Shikamaru only briefly glances at her during his conversation with Ino and Sasuke as the train pulls up, but he steps away for a quick moment.

"See you around?" he offers, since he's never been very good at goodbyes.

Sakura nods, and smiles. "Remember to breathe," she tells him. "When it's snowing, when it's sunny, when it's raining. Always breathe."

Always love the moment you exist in.

He watches her for a short moment, before his hand falls onto her head and he roughly ruffles her hair. "Sure," he drawls. "You too."

And she continues to smile, even as Shikamaru boards his train and he rumbles away, disappearing beyond the horizon.

—

And then, of course—and then it's her turn.

The time that ticks by is unreal. The hours slip through her fingers, the minutes disappear from sight, the seconds fade away as though they were never there at all.

She spends the day before she leaves with Sasuke. The cherry blossom trees are in full bloom, and she wonders how she looks to him, with her wildly colored hair and the flowers he's seen a million times before. He spends most of the time brooding, his hands shoved into his pockets and sending her a wordless glance every once in a while.

_I love you,_ she wants to tell him, but maybe it's still too soon.

But if not now, then when?

"What are you thinking about?" she asks him as she tugs one of his hands out of his pocket and laces their fingers together.

"You," he answers honestly, in a way that has her torn between smiling and crying.

Sasuke has been a little more open lately—and while it's something that she gladly welcomes, it still feels weird. He doesn't pull away when she holds his hand, and he doesn't look away and scowl with a blush dusting his cheeks when she says something bold. Instead, he levels a steady gaze at her, hot enough for her to be the one who breaks eye contact instead.

"What about me?" she asks, even though she isn't sure she wants to know the answer. He's looking at her like that right now, dark eyes burning and his grip tightening ever so slightly on her fingers.

He's the first to look away, down at their feet. "About how I don't want you to go."

It stings Sakura, how he understands—how they both understand that this is how it has to be, and how they both know that there's nothing they can do about it.

She forces a smile. "Like Shikamaru said. It's not like I'm going to war. I'll come back."

Ignoring the people around them, Sasuke tugs her closer, and one of his hands gently cradles her face as he kisses her. It's a gentle kiss; the kind that she never wants to end because the entire world stops, and all she can feel is how close Sasuke is, how warm Sasuke is, how perfect Sasuke is.

It's stupid, Sakura thinks, to feel like the world is ending right now. But she supposes, in a way, it is. But only because room has to be made for a new world to grow.

"I—" The rest of the statement chokes her, and she can't find the courage to say it. _Love you. I love you._

With his other hand finds her other cheek, he kisses her forehead. If he noticed her stutter, he lets it slide, and she relaxes against his touch.

—

She spends the entire night crying, so by the time he sees her off at the airport, she'll have run out of tears to cry.

—

"Do you have everything? You're sure you didn't leave anything behind at home?"

Sakura obediently stands still as her father fusses over her, uncannily similar to the way her mother was acting before she first flew to Japan on her own. It's a little ironic, in a way.

"Yes, Dad," she answers exasperatedly in English. "And even if I did forget something, you could just mail it to me later."

She watches as her father chews through his bottom lip in worry. "It's a long flight," he says.

"I know."

"You'll be okay?"

She continues to speak in English, "All things considered, I'm not the one who is in control of my life once that plane takes off." A smile wiggles its way to her lips despite the situation as her father's brow knits tighter together in anxiety. Maybe if she said a little more, he would just demand her to stay. "I'm just kidding, Dad. Calm down. I'll be fine."

He smooths down her hair that he had originally mussed up in the first place. "Your friends are staring at you," he says.

"They're staring at _you_," she corrects him. "Because you're acting like you're ten years old."

"No," he shoots back. "It's because you speak English at the speed of light, and Japanese like you're ten years old."

They stare at each other for a moment, and start to laugh. She's going to miss this.

"Go say bye to your friends," her father tells her, gently, and nudges her in the direction of the small crowd gathered not too far away. Sakura steps forward, hesitation in her movements. When Naruto catches her eye, he smiles broadly and holds out his arms in a hug.

On most occasions, Sakura would either laugh and avoid him, or appease him with a modest half-hug—but today, she steps easily into him and buries her face into his neck. Naruto's arms wrap around her tightly as they sway a little on the spot—and Sakura closes her eyes, and breathes him in.

"Do you really have to go?" he asks meekly into her hair.

"I'll be back," she promises, even more feebly than him. Dammit. She was supposed to have gotten all the negative feelings out last night. Why are they returning now?

When did these people become so important to her? How did they worm their way underneath her skin?

When she moved to Japan, she had thought that this is just a temporary home. The people here don't matter, because she doesn't know what her life will be like now that her parents have separated. She could be on this side of the world today, and on the other side of the world the next. It was best not to get attached, she had thought—or else there will just be painful goodbyes, exactly like her parents falling apart.

She didn't want to get attached.

(_But she is so attached, so attached it hurts, so terribly attached that knowing she won't be seeing them every day from now on makes it almost impossible for her to breathe._)

"Sakura? Are you okay?"

Naruto is holding her at arm's length by the shoulders, staring at her worriedly. Sakura blinks away the unshed tears and clears her throat.

"Yeah, I'm okay. What, you think I'm getting emotional over this?"

"You can't fool us, you know," Ino snaps.

When Sakura says nothing, Hinata offers an encouraging smile. "We'll miss you too," she replies to Sakura's unsaid words.

"No one said I was going to miss you," she mutters.

Ino reaches out and pokes the bottom lip that she didn't realize was jutting out in a slight pout. "You're not making a very convincing argument," she singsongs.

"I—" Sakura tries, but finally decides to relent. "Shut up."

"Aw," Naruto coos. "She's going to miss us!"

An announcement rings throughout the airport, alerting them that Sakura's flight has now begun boarding. Her hands subconsciously tighten into fists. No. This is happening too fast.

There are still so many things left that she wants to say to all of them—and to Neji and Shikamaru too. She had smiled when she saw them off because it hadn't hit her yet like it hit her now—that she's _leaving_ and this is what growing up feels like, it's unbearable goodbyes and unfinished sentences and chances lost. It hits her like nothing has ever hit her before, and the sudden desire to stay is so strong that she finds herself rooted to the spot and unable to move.

She can't smile now. She can't smile and wave goodbye and step on the plane like it's nothing. It's not nothing. It's not.

"Sakura." She suddenly finds Sasuke standing right in front of her, gripping her shoulders and expression a painful mix of sad and sure. "Sakura, breathe."

"I—I can't—"

"Sakura." His grip tightens on her shoulders, tight enough to make her frown from the pain. "Tell me again why you're going back."

She searches his face, confused. "For school."

"And why are you going to school?"

"To study medicine."

"Right. You're going to be a doctor. You're going to be the best doctor you can be. That's your dream, Sakura—remember that. Us here, the people that you're leaving behind—_we are not your dreams_. Weren't you the one who told me that?"

"That's not fair, Sasuke." Her voice comes out weak, much weaker than she has ever wanted to sound in front of him. "You're not allowed to use that against me."

When he kisses her forehead, it's the gentlest he's ever been to her. And then he whispers against her skin, words that make her eyes widen and her heart skip a beat, but she can't be sure because he was so quiet that she almost couldn't catch it—

"What?" she asks, breathless. "What did you say?"

(_"I love you." He said, "I love you."_)

When Sakura looks at Sasuke now, most of the sadness has left him, but his sureness remains. "Be amazing, Sakura. Be amazing and come back to show us."

And when he says it like that, she can't find it in herself not to believe it. Looking at Sasuke makes her know that she can do this. She can achieve her dreams _and_ be happy. It might take a while, but she will come back and they will still be here, waiting for her.

And it doesn't occur to say it back too—as her father has all of her papers in order and is leading her to the boarding gate, it doesn't occur to her at all. That she could say it back—to Ino who has always been there, to Hinata who has never been anything but supportive, to Naruto who shines despite the darkest of situations, to—to Sasuke, who she holds so dear and close even when she's asleep—

It's only when she's boarded her plane and is waiting for it to take off that it finally occurs to her that she could say it back—that she loves them too.

She purses her lips in regret, but after a moment, smiles instead. It's alright. They already know.

And even if they don't, then all she has to do is tell them next time.

* * *

**A/N:** I couldn't have Sasuke go this entire story always feeling inferior to Sakura, so I let him have the spotlight this time. ;)

Whew, and this is the end, for real! This story was originally inspired by Kimi to Boku, and along the way, Bokura ga Ita helped too. I know slice of life isn't the most exciting genre out there, and I felt that the entire time I wrote this, but I love this story in the way every little thing, every flash of emotion runs deep in your bones and never quite leaves you, because ah, I know this feeling, you know this feeling, we have all felt what the characters have felt.

I want to thank those who praised my characterization of Sasuke. I will be honest: until you guys pointed it out, I have never, ever felt that he was different from everyone else's characterizations. This is the Sasuke of my heart: quiet but kind, with a typhoon of emotions just underneath his skin that he carefully keeps concealed. He doesn't smile with his mouth but he smiles with his eyes, and he loves with every cell in his body and he doesn't know how to stop. The fact that he really _is_ different from other writers' interpretations and you guys still accepted him, and even liked him, makes me warm all the way to my toes, because this is my favorite Sasuke too. This is the Sasuke that I desperately hope still exists.

It's been a great ride, everyone! Thanks so much!


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